Party that excludes niece

[SkyBlue1987]

Good morning, I’m feeling a bit unsure what to do here - I have two children, a toddler and older child. My younger ones birthday is soon. We have always done home parties with family until school age (my kids have lots of cousins) then they can have parties with friends from school invited and family tend to visit separately. I have an autistic niece who really struggles with public places, she is fine to come to our house for parties etc as there are quiet spaces she can retreat to and it’s familiar. However I am thinking of changing things up and having my child’s birthday at a soft play with my child’s sibling and cousins/friends. I just have a lot going on at the moment and it would be easier to outsource it, plus I think my child would enjoy it more. The issue is that will exclude my niece or cause stress for her parents if they bring her. I’m feeling guilty about it and wondering if I should just do the party at home so she can be included, or do
I put myself and my child, and my sanity first

Plan the party you want, it’s your child’s birthday. Invite her and her parents can decide if she can come, I don’t think it’s your job to plan around another child.

It’s your daughter’s day. Plan the party she would like and which would make life easier for you. Your niece’s needs and preferences are for her parents to handle.

Plan the party you want and then let everyone else worry about their attendance. You can’t please all the people all the time. Your DD is important too and deserves a party that suits her better.

It’s your child’s party, not your niece’s. If they decline you could always have her and her parents over for a play date another time.

I wouldn't do this. Your neice will experience so much rejection in her life, that the first instance shouldn't come from family. Teach your child to be kind, lead by example.

Could your niece come round for a small birthday tea on another day?

I'd do a friend party at soft play and family one at home. As the parent of autistic children it means a lot to us when family care enough to want our children to actually be able to be there.

First post nails it. While it is lovely to accommodate your niece as much as you can, you throw your child the party that your child will enjoy most that works best for you. And soft play parties are absolutely standard.

You tell niece’s parents that she is invited and is very welcome, but you completely understand that they might want to come, see how it goes and leave if it’s too much, or if they prefer not to come. And that you can all have birthday cake etc at home at a different time with them separately.

Excluding her will come over as cruel. Why not gove her parents the choice of coming or not.

Could you invite her , and if her parents choose to decline , could you invite them over to yours after the party for cake? x

I'd do party at the soft play but say to her parents if this isn't ideal for niece no worries, we'd love to see you guys at home on xx day for bday tea and cake anyway. Make it sound like you were always going to have a separate smaller family thing, so it doesn't look exclusionary, but also lets your daughter have the party that works for you.