Is my eight-year-old's impulsive behaviour typical

[RBowmama]

My 8yr old DD I feel makes quite impulsive choices at times and I'm just wondering how much is typical development for this age and or should we be considering ADHD. DH thinks it's typical age behaviour. I'm just starting to notice her much younger sibling is actually quite easier to deal with behaviour wise and that worries me. Example she often will go in our room and through my make up/perfume. I understood the curiosity but the fact that I've asked her not, given consequences and yet she still continues to do it, why??? She knows she shouldn't, she herself will apologise after. I don't even react much anymore, just state no iPad tomorrow. I've found not going on, telling her off and just delivering a firm consequence helps. If she's left to her own devices downstairs she may sit and watch tv quietly or go in the kitchen and and start making a potion of some sort (and a big mess!) I pre-empt this if im on solo bedtime and dealing with the little one first and say to dd not do this...she will do it no doubt. She loves to explore, see how things work, very curious and I wonder is it just that or something more.

Does well at school but occasionally report she needs reminders, very social, popular, doesn't have much iPad time, does a few extracurricular activities, sleeps well. Struggles with not enough sleep. People often comment she's very mature etc so she does carry herself well until she doesn't....

@RBowmama It’s not unusual really! She’s clearly going to be a chemist! Or start her own make up brand! I’d start facilitating it! Why punish a curious child? I hate this new term “consequences”! Work with your child’s interests and you will find life easier. Save punishment for much bigger issues.

I think she just enjoys potions! My DS loves thinks like that so we bought him some potion kits but we had to help him with them. He then discovered putting felt too pens in water to make colours and enjoyed pouring them into different bottles and vases to see the colours he could create - cheap and easy fun and no supervision required.

Thank you for the replies, I really appreciate it. We have bought all sorts of potion, experiment kits and really cater to her interests. She loves them and then will still go back and do the things we've asked her not to. It's like she just cannot help herself. It's the lack of disregard when we've asked her not do something that's made me wonder if she's ND. I guess the consequences feel necessary as she's wasted/spoilt my expensive things, left me feeling sad like I can't have anything nice for myself. Feels bonkers to have to hide all my nice things from an 8yr old??? She wastes food inc expensive fruits in her experiments even though we've repeatedly explained this to her.

I guess I worry that we're waiting for her to grow out of it and what if she doesn't and what she actually needs is some kind of additional support that we arent getting her just now. And she will struggle more when she's older without that support. Would love to hear if anyone had similar at this age and whether their child grew out of it or not

@RBowmama I do see the issue! My grown up dd borrowed a perfume recently. It was new and she unwrapped it. Just had a spray but didn’t ask. Yes, I’ve also said ask if you want something for 25 years! However it’s like she thinks family things are her things. My jewellery is the safe! So I’m familiar with this but I’d suggest you hide things away you don’t want her to have. I’d not lose sleep over fruit - but I’d give her pocket money based on her not taking family fruit and making it clear she buys the fruit she wants.

Thank you for sharing, really useful for me to understand. Maybe some kids/adults are wired that way. Maybe we should think of it as a good thing we've made them feel so safe and comfortable at home 😆 I will try the pocket money tip, thanks!

I tend to think that’s the best way to rationalise it. It’s not constant because dd doesn’t live here but DD1 and DD2 flat shared for a bit and DD1 wasn’t happy! Nothing went missing as such but DD2 does help herself to things! It’s usually that she thinks people won’t mind. Her sister did and she sometimes comes home and shortly afterwards she’s wearing my cashmere pullover!

Do any of her friends at school have play makeup and perfume?

They do and my DD does also. I think it's the lure of mummy's things!

It’s flattering really - she wants to be a grown up, she wants to be like you. Could you put your more expensive things in a different place so she doesn’t find them? She probably gets a kick out of sneaking in and looking at or touching your things - I remember doing exactly the same with my mum’s beautiful dressing table.

Regarding potions: do you have a garden? I loved making potions too - my mum would let me pick flowers and herbs and leaves and mix them in water and then if I was lucky she’d let me have a few other things from indoors too. I was a big fan of George’s Marvellous Medicine and The Worst Witch.

Kids this age understand money and that some things cost a lot, but they don’t always understand the implications of losing or wasting something. “If we can buy another one just the same, what’s the problem? It’s only a pot of raspberries. Don’t you have £3 mummy?” And the fact that I do have £3 but we don’t want to spend it replacing raspberries they smushed up only becomes clear when I say “well because you wasted the raspberries now I have to spend more money so next week I have used up my grocery money and I can’t buy your favourite crisps, you’ll have to have apples and cereal instead.”