Toddler strongly prefers dad and I am struggling with the rejection

[Sma09gc]

I’m really struggling with my toddler (2 years, 2 months). He is showing extreme parental preference towards my husband (his dad) and will barely come near me to say hello or do anything when he’s around. I’ve read loads about this and know it’s a really normal development stage, but my mental health is really suffering (and my bond with him too if I’m honest). It’s got to the point where I don’t know how to act on the day that he gets home from nursery with my husband, as he just ignores me and clings to him. I’m starting to withdraw and it really worries me. I work 4 days per week and have 1 day off per week with my son, my husband does the same, and he’s in nursery 3 days per week. So we both get the same amount of quality 1:1 time with him. I’m just exhausted because I feel like it’s really unfair and I’m struggling so much. I probably need to speak to someone but I don’t have a clue where to start with who. I feel so rejected by him. We do loads of fun activities on my day off with him like toddler groups, play areas, splash pools etc, which I’m stating as I’ve seen more quality time advised as a solution when I’ve read about others in similar situations. It’s just breaking my heart.

That’s so hard, but really normal in my experience. One day for no obvious reason, it will switch, I expect. I know it feels horrible, but I don’t know that there is anything you can do, other than what you already doing. It’s lovely that you and your DH have arranged things so equally. I think children do sometimes take more out on Mum. Certainly my children never bit or hit Dad but equally when they are tired, it’s me they want!

There was a mirror thread a few weeks ago and most people said they experienced the same with their toddler and it all changed as they got older.

This was my son! Was heartbreaking. It took until he was 6 or 7 but he definitely now prefers me.

I used to cry about.

My 2nd son always preferred me most right from the start

My DS wanted absolutely nothing to do with me for months when he was about 3. I was heartbroken at first but then used it to.my advantage to have long baths etc whilst he played with Dad.
I'm by far his favourite person now, it's just a phase.

No advice but solidarity OP. My just turned 2 year old strongly favours DH when we’re both around (he’s ok with me when it’s just me & him). If I go get him up in the morning I often get ‘Mamma go away, want Pappa’ 🥺

Every so often DH works away for a couple of weeks and it tips back in my favour, but only until he gets back and then I’m out on my ear again…

I will say that it’s hard on DH too because he just doesn’t get a break like I do. DS constantly follows him round and I can only engage him in play for a few minutes before he’s off searching for him again.

Be reassured it is just a phase.

Indeed, take advantage of being able to have a long bath or read a book whilst your dh spends more time with him.
Think of it as a reward for you likely being the main carer for the last 26 months, and of course having to carry him for 9 months before you.

It really is nothing out of the usual and nothing to be worried about, you just need to reset your thinking about it.

Both my kids are obsessed with me and I can tell you, it is hard going at times and not ideal for the kids either. But all these things ebb and flow, my wife will be the favourite in a few months I am sure.

Just remember it’s not transactional, you’re a parent who needs to do X Y and Z & your child will love you unconditionally. Don’t try and do all the fun things to manufacture being in favour or something!

We have a similar set up in terms of 1:1 time and days off etc. I did agree when you said about maybe seeking some help for it as it sounds quite extreme how you’re feeling to me, but then other posters said they’d felt the same too so maybe it’s normal 🤷🏻‍♀️

Oh we had this! Daddy obsessed for a while. Honestly I didn't mind - I knew we have an unbreakable bond so I just found it cute. Try and enjoy it, you'll be back to being numero uno in no time.

OP, I could have written your post.

I have two boys, one aged 3 (nearly 4) and 2. They have a strong preference for their dad and will cry and get distressed whenever dad leaves the room or pops out. My eldest even says to me “I want daddy, I don’t like you mummy!”.

I too am finding it really hard. But I try and respond positively eg when he says he doesn’t like me, I say “that’s fine, but I will always love you”. Occasionally I get glimpses of where they like me, eg when I just do nursery pick up, but most of the time it is dad they run to for a hug!

No advice but please know you are not alone! x

I am also going for a weekend away with my eldest to have some 1:1 time as I feel we need it.

Totally normal. Kids are fickle as heck. You will be flavour of the month at another time. Just don't smother him and let him work things out. He is not destined to have no contact with you.

I had this as well but I worked mornings at the time so I was with her every afternoon. It used to really get me down and cause tension so someone said to me make the most of it and have some time to yourself so I started taking Saturday mornings for myself whilst they went swimming or whatever. It really won’t last!