Ex swore at me in front of the children, what now?

[clairetaitai]

Hello all,

In the middle of an argument about summer schedulling, my ex of 10 years stormed out. My daughter tried to hold him back and he screamed: "I've had it with that cunt!" Then called me a bitch and left.

My daighter looked horrified and my son stared at me angrily and said: "what did you say to him?"

I told my son to go to his dads' (we coparent, normally reasonably effectively and it was his week) and my daughter stayed with me for a while before going to see her friend. She said she would talk to them and asked me to let it go.

I texted both ex and son to ask for an apology but got one from neither which made me angry in turn. I have since apologized to my son but feel heartbroken.

I called my mother who suggested l let it slide and take the high road and a friend who suggested he needs to apologize to me in front of the kids, and a third who was really shocked and said l should cut off all contact and not let it slide.

I do not really know what to do

Stop having these conversations when the children are around.
Discuss over messages or meet up without the children to discuss.

First of all, let the dust settle and let everyone cool down. Then I would message your ex and say that while you understand feelings were running high, he spoke to you in a manner that is simply unacceptable and must not happen again, especially in front of the children. It would obviously be better for you and he to have these discussions away from the children in future, they shouldn't have to witness disagreements and be put in a position where they feel they have to pick sides. Don't hold it against your son - he reacted in the moment from seeing his dad angry, upset and out of control.

If you normally have a decent co-parenting relationship then I'd try not to blow it out of proportion while making it clear that you won't accept being sworn at. If this is a pattern of behaviour, then I'd be refusing face to face discussions and correspond by parenting app or email.