Burnt out with work, two young children and constant mental load

[Fupoffyagrasshole]

I feel like i've hit major Mum burnout! 2&5 year old - they are amazing

But it's all just too much at the moment - i work 4 days, husband full time - we have no help - the week is just having a kid each for drop off or pick up (they both in different locations for nursery & school) so its out at 7.50 and back At 6 - speedy food,wash,bedtime fun....

I'm finally free around 9 at the moment once they in bed asleep (feels so late) I am trying to drop 2 year olds nap cus his bedtime creeping later and later - but thats not an easy task

Every little task feels so hard, laundry, deciding what to eat, getting a bag ready for the morning - it just feels like so much to have to remember all the time.

I feel like all joy is gone from my life - we do get a babysitter sometimes to go and do things - like we went to a concert last weekend - but the lead up to it - having to organise the babysitter, sort their dinner early, get myself ready, leave out what they need, insturctions for the babysitter was a lot that by the time i left the house i felt shattered - then i had literally 2 drinks and they floored me because im so tired, and basically I came home from the night went to bed and woke up feeling awful and i feel like im not even sure i enjoyed it

My friends had a party for their joint birthday this weekend and i just didnt go because i couldn't face the prep / organisation before i would go and the thoughts of feeling tired the next day and having to parent just filled me with dread (2 year old soemtimes get up at 5 so theres that too)

so i feel like i just do nothing anymore because i dont enjoy anything and its not worth it anyway.

but staying home with my kids makes me miserable too- i find it so hard to engage with them and play, i just want to lie down and for everyone to leave me alone.

i do lose paitience with them a lot then cry about it when i get into bed feeling so guilty

Especially the 5 year old - i get annoyed with how many times i have to ask her to get into her pjs or come down for her bath, or come and brush her teeth -the morning its about getting shoes on or chosing a snack for the walk to school -
i end up shouting sometimes and that achieves nothing except more crying or delays.

I have a husband and hes not useless - he does all the cooking and his share of bedtimes and pick ups, drop offs, chores - but i do feel like a lot of the mental load still on me like all the bags for school/what day she has gymnastics/pe - changing the nursery bag with fresh clothes, making sure they have what they need, appointments etc

These feel like not big things but honestly even having to remember to come out after doing bedtime and having to pack a bag can tip me over the edge

Just feel so overwhelmed and any little extra thing can tip me even further - feel like my stress levels are so high right now

Anyone else like this - tips how to cope? is this jus parenting little kids, will it get better

I feel like I just hate my life

You're definitely not alone in this. Parenting young children is hard, and the mental load is very real. It's completely understandable that you're feeling exhausted.
One thing that often helps is focusing on one thing at a time. If the immediate task is getting your 5-year-old into their pyjamas, give them your full attention for those few minutes. It usually gets done much faster than asking or reminding them over and over while trying to juggle five other things.
It's also worth asking yourself what's sitting underneath the overwhelm. If it's mainly the logistics, a few changes to routines or organisation can make a big difference. If it's your own mental wellbeing, though, try to give yourself a moment to pause and regulate before responding. When we're running on empty, everything feels harder, and it's easy to get stuck in a cycle where everyone ends up more stressed.
Be kind to yourself. From what you've written, it sounds like you're doing your best in a really demanding season.

Thanks @GiuliaGalliParenting i used to be so on top of it with one kid! I was great with little check lists and being so organised and having time for my daugter in the evenings - it wasn't so stressy.

I do know i need to focus on one task at a time - like give her one to one time getting her ready for bed - but my focus wanders due to thinknig i need to do this /that and then i have 2 year old following me around too and i Just can't seem to remember to stay calm and give my daughter what she needs - which is why i tend to lose it with everyone then!

im going to be working a little less in summer holidays and will be leaving the 2 year old in nursery and just having 5 year old some days -so I am hoping that this will help me get back on track with things a little bit!

I hate feeling like this

Can you take some holidays..spread it thru out thr year ti have sanity breaks or long weekends?
It can be hard when the children are small.
Try a star chart or some such thing to encourage the 5yr old to be on tasks need in the morning.

You've got this! Breathe and work on your thoughts, they are often the drivers of difficult feelings.

It's hard, it gets easier. I don't know what else to say as I'm sure you're able to think of things that might logistically make it better and do them. They're still so little, although I'd be firing them into bed well before 9pm at that age, that's all I've got to add!

Honestly i wish @ArabellaWeird

5 year old no issues with bed - shes usually asleep by 7.30!

But the 2 year old i just can get him asleep before 8.30/9 its awful

They have to share a room which is also not ideal - when he was in a cot i put him in and just walked out and hed go asleep - but he learned to hop out by 20 months and now im back to having to sit beside him til he goes asleep! soul destorying

But he skipped his nap on saturday and i had him asleep at 7 - so i can see the light coming from that - if i can get to the point of him dropping that nap !!

He still seems to need it most days tough especially when hes at nursery - so all we can do about it those days is cap the nap i suppose

@Inmyuggs I deffo think i need a few days away tbh! we used to go away loads when other child was younger - but this year its been hard with annual leave as i need to save a lot of it for school holidays (the nursery was open all year round)

• but i have spoken to my husband about it and said that maybe next year we just pay for more camps for the half terms and save some annual leave for ourselves to try save our sanity

Sounds like you're close to burnout. All these things feel so much worse when you're exhausted and emotionally wrung out. It's very normal though- I've got 3 children and sometimes I feel so overwhelmed and exhausted from the physical and mental juggle of it all. What helps me:

• writing lists so that I don't have to remember as many things in my head.
• only dealing with one thing at a time on very busy months eg if I've got a kids birthday to organise and a holiday then ill just try not to think about the second thing until the first is completed
• having a hobby which takes me out of the house and away from a screen
• taking the odd day off on my own when kids are in childcare
• holidays in the UK where we can all relax and i remember we all love and like each other
• a cleaner
• letting some stuff go
• lowering standards where possible e.g don't volunteer to bake cakes for the school bake sale if you don't have the time or capacity for it.

It is hard at those ages. But, it doesn’t quite add up for me here if you are saying your dh does contribute. Unless he’s not home till much later? If he’s home at 6, and neither of you are sitting down till 9, that’s 6 hours of work between you, which seems a lot? Is there something you’re doing which you can cut back on to make your life easier? Are you each doing solo bedtime at least once a week to give the other a 6pm-10pm break?

@arethereanyleftatall

so im in around 6 with 2 year old - he's in arounf 6.20 with the bigger girl

we eating around 6.30/6.45ish

washing the kids - i stopped doing baths in the week as was taking too long - just a quick shower each now saves some time.

7.15normally they all dried and they play together usually we put music on or nursery rhymes and they have a dance - the other parent not doing the getting ready for bed is rushing around doing dishwasher loading / kitchen tidy!

then bedtime is a battle - we need to take a kid each at the moment - 5 year old is needing to go to sleep 7.30 / 8 so one of is in her bed reading to her and getting her set up

then the other one reads to the 2 year old in our room and hes not ready to sleep til half 8/9 - ive tried and you just end up in the room even longer and same result - not asleep til near 9

they share a room (we only have 2 bedrooms) so then we take him down to bed once shes asleep and sometimes sitting there with him for 20/30 mins til he sleeps

we did have him sleep trained but when he moved to a bed that all went to shit

usually once a week we do take an evening each out of the house and to make solo bedtime work the 5 year old ends up staying up later while i put the younger one to bed and shes in my room colouring or reading herself and then when hes asleep she comes down to her bed

i am working on trying to get them to go to bed at the same time / or doing books together but its always a disater and them having such diff sleep times is so stressy as well!!

hopeful that this is just temporary and soon enough they will just go to bed together

honestly the time just goes by and before i know it - its 9 pm

I changed my hours to work 30 overs over 5 days instead of dropping a day.
It's still full on but I finish earlier (pick up oldest from school at pick up time) and it feels less rushed in the evenings. Youngest still stays in nursery until 4.30/5pm so I get time with just eldest, time to cook dinner before picking up youngest.
Honestly it is a miliary operation with DH to coordinate all the kids activities as well as allowing me and DH our own gym time but it helps to have a plan for the week out. Planning my own down time a week really helps get through the weeks sometimes. Then I only have the kids to contend with every day - but some days I swear if I hear another argument about getting dressed or undressed, I may lose the will to live.

Also as a PP said, some time away each year really helps me. I have a small group of friends that are also in the same position as me. We take a long weekend once a year to go away to an airbnb with a hot tub or spa hotel and just spend time without having to look after the kids or even just coordinate the house. It really does wonders for my mental health and is a big reset. I also try to get one night away here and there to see a friend (DH does the same) and my and DH have a few days away when my parents have the kids one school holiday week.

I think it will be temporary op as it just seems to be your ds2 sleep that is causing a lot of problem. That will free up 2 hours.

im hoping so @arethereanyleftatall - i keep telling myself its all temporary - but it also feels like im just wishing my life away - oh once they are bigger it will be better etc

5 year old going to stay with my parents for 10 days in school holidays so it might be a good oppertunity to get out a few evenings myself or with friends and it might make me feel a bit better