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Parenting

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How to help a clumsy 10yo who always loses?

9 replies

Thewayofdelight10 · 28/06/2026 21:54

DD10 is struggling at school with friendships. I've noticed more and more recently that she has physical struggles and I think these seem to really impact her. She is very clumsy and injures herself regularly and still cries out in a babyish way when she's hurt (stops quickly) but I think this puts others off her. She mostly refuses to join in any physical games or contests even things like tag. I think this really isolates her and annoys her peers too. However I do understand to some extent why she refuses to join in as whenever I see her play games with peers she is ALWAYS last. Always. She's just that kid that always loses or can't do the thing - even if it's luck based it sometimes seems. I help at her Brownie pack sometimes and she just loses constantly. I can see why this gets her down and why she now gets stroppy about joining in.

I've always jusr considered her slightly on the slow side physically. She walked at 16 months, rode a bike at 6 and swam at 6 so nothing markedly unusual. But it's taken her ages to get through the swimming stages. She's been going since she was 4 and is still on stage 5 when her friends are now mostly stages 7 and 8. She can't catch a ball well still but can now do it after lots of extra input. She dances (and loves dancing) and whilst she is very graceful, she really struggles with the coordination and footwork/jumps and seems to always be out of sync with the others in the routine. She can't tell left from right.

It doesn't help that her sibling is a talented sportsperson (county level in two sports) so I've always just thought of her as my not sporty one and assumed it would click a bit more as she got older. But now I'm worried that the constant clunsiness and losing in any games and lack of confidence in anything physical is really impacting on her. Can anyone relate and advise? How can I best support her? Thanks

OP posts:
Changingforthisone66 · 28/06/2026 21:56

Sounds like dyspraxia?

Thewayofdelight10 · 28/06/2026 22:05

But noone in real life has ever mentioned a possibility of dyspraxia. And I always assumed that would involve more struggles. I mean she could ride a bike and swim at 6, even though it took her a bit more effort than others. And surely not everyone that is rubbish at ball games is dyspraxic - surely there have to be some people who are just bad at sports? But now I'm doubting myself and whether I've missed something.

If she was dyspraxic, what would be the interventions to help? I guess what I'm looking for is suggestions to try to help her regardless of any diagnosis

OP posts:
paleyellowbrick · 28/06/2026 22:08

An occupational therapist assessment might be a good starting point. Maybe ask your gp.

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TheyGrewUp · 28/06/2026 22:08

Yes. DD's dyspraxic and was/is hopeless at sport, which helped her hate it. She also can't dance well/in time.

School isn't the natural habitat of all children. You really need to suppoet and encourage your dd and focus on her strengths.

FWIW dyspraxia/being crap at sport didn't stop dd from taking a first at Cambridge, having an exquisite classically trained vpice and an outstanding secondary school teacher. She's done rather better than the herd of which she was never really part and has grown into herself and acquired a quiet confidence despite being last in every race and dropping every ball.

inthenameofpride · 28/06/2026 22:09

I don’t know but my slightly younger DS is just like this. Really bad at sports but no missed or late physical milestones.

howrudeforme · 28/06/2026 22:14

Ds the same dyspraxia. Non sporty/ uncoordinated. Now 20 still can’t write.

finally learnt to ride a bike at 10 after two bike riding courses.

get her checked .

he did feel isolated at sport and was hard.

(he never got the help he needed but if any consolation he’s at an RG uni and plays a racket sport - very badly - with me - but loves it).

work on her confidence.

parietal · 28/06/2026 22:15

nearly 1 in 20 kids have dyspraxia but it is massively underdiagnosed and under recognized. So it could easily be dyspraxia. Occupational therapy may help, but learning to enjoy and make use of other areas of strength is v important too.

lunar1 · 28/06/2026 22:20

I missed my sons adhd till he was 11, when he was diagnosed with inattentive adhd the psychiatrist said he was a text book case.

Rhaidimiddim · 28/06/2026 22:21

Thewayofdelight10 · 28/06/2026 21:54

DD10 is struggling at school with friendships. I've noticed more and more recently that she has physical struggles and I think these seem to really impact her. She is very clumsy and injures herself regularly and still cries out in a babyish way when she's hurt (stops quickly) but I think this puts others off her. She mostly refuses to join in any physical games or contests even things like tag. I think this really isolates her and annoys her peers too. However I do understand to some extent why she refuses to join in as whenever I see her play games with peers she is ALWAYS last. Always. She's just that kid that always loses or can't do the thing - even if it's luck based it sometimes seems. I help at her Brownie pack sometimes and she just loses constantly. I can see why this gets her down and why she now gets stroppy about joining in.

I've always jusr considered her slightly on the slow side physically. She walked at 16 months, rode a bike at 6 and swam at 6 so nothing markedly unusual. But it's taken her ages to get through the swimming stages. She's been going since she was 4 and is still on stage 5 when her friends are now mostly stages 7 and 8. She can't catch a ball well still but can now do it after lots of extra input. She dances (and loves dancing) and whilst she is very graceful, she really struggles with the coordination and footwork/jumps and seems to always be out of sync with the others in the routine. She can't tell left from right.

It doesn't help that her sibling is a talented sportsperson (county level in two sports) so I've always just thought of her as my not sporty one and assumed it would click a bit more as she got older. But now I'm worried that the constant clunsiness and losing in any games and lack of confidence in anything physical is really impacting on her. Can anyone relate and advise? How can I best support her? Thanks

I'm another suggesting dyspraxia. We've got a grandson with dyspraxia..

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