Devastated at the thought of maternity leave ending

[TottenhamCake]

I had my baby boy in November, my first. Due to go back to work in September/October time and I’m absolutely desolate about it. I love working and love my job, but this has honestly been the best few months of my life and I just don’t want them to end. He is going to a lovely local nursery 3 days a week but the thought of this makes me want to cry.

we cannot get by on my husbands salary alone. I am seriously considering trying to go self employed, would be interested to hear if anyone else did this and how it worked out.

The thought of it is worse than the reality. It’s not as bad as you imagine it will be.

Enjoy the last few months.

Don't waste the last few months worrying about it. Enjoy them. I was dreading going back to work too but after the first couple of days I actually enjoyed using my brain & communicating with adults instead of just my baby

I felt the same when I had my first baby OP. I retrained as a registered childminder so I could work from home. I earnt less but as I didn't have childcare or travel costs I was actually better off than I would have been staying in my job in a bank. I've never regretted it as it meant I could spend a lot of time with both of my children when they were young.

Even if you were self employed you’d have to leave him to work wouldn’t you ? Unless like PP you trained as a childminder ?

You need to get some perspective- what do you think most people do. 3 days at nursery 4 days at home is a lovely balance.

As others said, you would still need childcare if you were self employed.

I think it’s normal to feel this way. But if you need the money, you need to work. Once you are back and in a new routine, I’m sure it will be fine. I used to work 3 days when I first went back and it is a great balance IMO.

I am a planning consultant so can work fully from home. Would be in charge of my own client base and hours so I wouldn’t need child care. Off site visit or meeting but I could arrange this around when my parents can look after him.

I get this. I think it’s just all the horrific news stories recently have added to my anxiety over it.

I agree OP, I didn’t want to go back to work either. Fortunately I earn very well working freelance and my husband is a high earner. I didn’t go back to work until my son was 3. Now he’s almost 5 and I love our balance of 3 days at nursery, 4 days at home. I pick and choose my clients and make my own diary.

If you can afford it and are able set up your work in such a way to find more of a balance then go for it.

A lot of people feel like that. In my experience a few weeks back at work and you’ll be back in full swing. I worked 3 days after Mat leave and it was perfect. I think you would massively struggle to get anything done with a baby at home.

Can you do a KIT day sometime soon? I think sometimes starting is the hardest part. I felt similarly 8 months into mat leave, but I did a KIT day at 10 months and that made me feel ready and more prepared for the next stage of going back to work and childcare etc.
Also I found that although I had enjoyed the mat leave bubble in the first year, it changes once your mat leave friends go back to work. There are fewer coffee dates and it’s a bit more lonely if you’re off 5 days a week.
For me, working 3 days a week has been the right balance. It’s all a compromise but I do my job and parenting in the most balanced way I can.

I felt like you did at the same stage but towards going back I felt totally different. Going back to work has really improved my mental health.
please remember how very rare those bad news stories are. There are many thousands of kids in nursery each day completely fine.
I'm not sure how self employed would be better, surely you'd still need childcare? And if you are thinking to have another child, better to stay employed to get maternity pay again.

Like some PP have said, the thought it worse than the reality. Having done it twice now, and back to 5 days a week, its not as hard as it seems when you are a few months away in the bliss of maternity leave. I actually like the balance I have now for working (because I need to) and home life. Some me time away from being a mother is good for the whole family.

Reality is you need to work to live. If you can realistically go self employed without having to put stupid hours in and bring work into you 'home' time then do it. I found being employed means I can leave the work at the office and it doesn't encroach on time at home

I also wouldn't rely on parents for childcare. My biggest thing was never to rely on my parents for childcare. You never know when their circumstances might change and you will be left with no childcare.