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Parenting

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Desperate 4 year old sleep situation

8 replies

Xyzmum89 · 28/06/2026 06:32

Hi all - desperate and desperately hopeful someone can provide some advice or experience on this. My almost 5 year old moved into his own room about a month ago - he'd been sleeping on a mattress in our room for over a year after a new baby and failed transition to a bed. He wanted to move into his room though and after a rough couple of nights at first, the first couple of weeks went quite well.

However, in the last two weeks it's descended to a point where both parents are on our knees with tiredness as he's up and down like a yo-yo all night. We've tried a couple of different methods; calmly returning him back to his room every time he comes in (he literally just follows you back out over and over again all night); lying on the landing until he falls back to sleep (he goes back to sleep quickly this way but wakes up again within the hour, rinse and repeat).

We still have to lie on the landing for him to fall asleep at bedtime and part of me wonders if this is feeding into the problem? He says he just doesn't want to be alone, is scared etc. but I genuinely don't believe it's fear I'm afraid - I know how he acts when he's scared and feel this is more about boundary pushing.

Please please does anyone have any advice - I don't put much stock in sleep consultants but would that be the right move here and if so can you recommend one? We don't want to go back to room sharing as we feel it sends the wrong message (especially as we feel there's a real boundary pushing element here) and it isn't sustainable longer term. Any helpful advice or experience very much welcomed. Thanks

OP posts:
whippersnapper55 · 28/06/2026 06:46

Can you take him back to his own bed and lie down with him in his bed until he's asleep? No way would I want to lie on the landing waiting for him to fall back asleep! It's probably just a phase, I would just lie down with him and prioritise getting some sleep.

Beachbeachbaby · 28/06/2026 06:48

Can one of your sleep with him in his room. Eg dad?

or I would wait til baby is going to their own room and move them both at the same time eg no one gets to sleep with mum

ExplodingSmittens · 28/06/2026 06:50

He’s so little still and having a new sibling and being moved to his own room are both big events in his life.

I agree with the PP, I would take him back and lie with him. I could always fit in their beds with them but you might want to swap his bed for a larger one?

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Oldermumofone · 28/06/2026 06:52

No magical answer from me but just to say I gave up trying at that age and she tended to wander in at some point in the night and just stay, but when she turned six she happily stayed in her own bed so it isn’t forever but I get it feels like it is at the time!

Elisheva · 28/06/2026 06:54

I have 3 dc. I think it’s crazy all the angst and battles over sleep that people get themselves into.
I would put another mattress on the floor in your room. If he gets up he can sleep in his room, he can sleep in your room, you don’t care as long as he sleeps. No fuss, no big deal. It takes away any conflict and will make night much less stressful, which in turn makes it more likely that he will be regulated enough to sleep alone.
At the same time you can work on him getting to sleep by himself at bedtime.

DandelionClockSeeds · 28/06/2026 07:22

Honestly? Put the mattress back on your floor. Start him off in his own room, but have him know he can slip into his old spot on your floor at any point - without waking you.

Xyzmum89 · 28/06/2026 18:26

Thanks all - very much appreciate the helpful responses. You've helped give our heads a wobble and realise we're in a conflict we don't even need to be having 🫠 double mattress installed on the floor in his room, and here's to everyone getting a good night's sleep tonight 🤞

OP posts:
ExplodingSmittens · 28/06/2026 21:57

Xyzmum89 · 28/06/2026 18:26

Thanks all - very much appreciate the helpful responses. You've helped give our heads a wobble and realise we're in a conflict we don't even need to be having 🫠 double mattress installed on the floor in his room, and here's to everyone getting a good night's sleep tonight 🤞

Fingers crossed for you Smile

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