Experiences of a third child with a bigger age gap?

[iloveyoubutilovememore]

I would really appreciate feedback/experiences of those who have had a third child, with a bigger age gap between 2 & 3. Deciding whether or not to go for it is driving me mad...

We have two lovely boys (9&5). They keep me and OH firmly on our toes, are exhausting and amazing and everything between. As far as parenting goes I would say we are at a sweet spot, things are definitely much easier compared to 2/3 years ago and I have much more independence now also. We have a nice house (and a massive mortgage) and the four of us are able to go to clubs/engage in hobbies without any financial concerns. Both me and OH work and I love my job (perinatal mental health). In March we deregistered our eldest son from school and I reduced my hours so that I could home educate him 2 days per week. He attends a local forest school for 2 days and my mum takes him to a home Ed group on the other day. To say it’s been hard is an understatement but he is emotionally much much calmer/happier.

For the last year or so I have felt the urge to have one more child. It’s something I’ve often thought about although I worry for the following reasons -

1. Life is finally more manageable and I wonder if a third would break me/us to some extent.
2. I had severe postnatal depression after my first son was born and it took me a good year to find my feet. Def found going from 0-1 much harder than 1-2.
3. Our second son is my shadow and is so attached, I think he would struggle with a baby and having to share me/his dad.
4. I highly doubt we would be able to do anything ‘nice’ for a while or go away. Surely that’s not fair for the two we already have?
5. Following on from that, I don’t want to risk not being the best mum I can be to the two children I have now and I’m scared I will rock the boat.

Having said all of the above, I can’t shake this feeling and I would hate to deeply regret not doing it when it’s too late. My husband is happy either way.

Thanks for reading if you got this far!!!

From your family set up and experiences, don’t do this!! you’re past that stage and in a few years time having a pre schooler and a teenager will not be easy!

I'm one of three with a ten year age gap. I would never, ever, have this sort of gap. Us two older ones just had nothing in common with the youngest, who meant that we couldn't have friends over in the evenings as teenagers, couldn't do exciting things with our mum as pre teens like boat trips or go ape because she had the toddler, and it was hard to revise with a noisy younger child. It led to a lot of conflict that wasn't resolved until I moved out at 18. Now that I have kids I feel especially that it was a selfish choice my parents made that didn't benefit the family as a whole.

I have 3 children, however the gap between my eldest and youngest is 5 years. I have to say I wouldn’t want a bigger one but we have very little by way of help. I know family life is about compromise, but I think there would be a lot that your existing children may miss out on as a result of having a much younger sibling. I am sorry to say that though, as having a big-ish family was very important to me and I do really love it. I suppose it does depend on how much ‘village’ you have though. If you have GPs or aunties and uncles who can help out when say the older two want to do something unsuitable for the little, or you need someone to watch the older so you can take the little to somewhere suited to them, it might be more doable. But I would try and picture how your weekends/holidays would look with the age gaps and what you would/wouldn’t be able to do in order to make your decision.

I’m going against the grain here. My mam and dad had me and my brother young and then had my younger brother in there late 30s. I was about 16. It’s been great. My mam said she loved going back and doing it all again and me and him are so close. He really gave the family a new lease of life.

How many bedrooms do you have ?
Presume you have at least 1 spare .

Your youngest being 5 really is the start of a new phase of reasonableness. My parents had three with similar gaps and although I love being one of three as an adult and love DB it was a real drag as a teenager having a toddler around. You also have the added complication of home ed to consider. I'd like three and we probably will stick at two so I do get it but I think you need to think about it very carefully.

Thank you for your honest opinions - it’s such a big decision and I’m finding it a heart/head battle tbh.

I was probably your age / place in time and wanted a 3rd but husband not keen .
Now , years later I'm glad we didn't as life has become more chilled and we can still afford to do things and be more spontaneous around life .