This is going to sound pathetic and insane to some people, and that's okay, I get it. My youngest son finished primary school today (Scotland), and although I have feeling the loss of him as a very young child for months, I have really reached a peak today. I can't eat, I keep pacing, I've had to move his last year photos out of sight, my eyes are swollen from crying, I can't sleep. It feels like a monumental loss. There is context here, for example I left our loved home after the LL told me she was selling because I got a fright, and that home is in the village of my son's primary school, now we have no connection there. I've been going back and forth to that school for 11 years. I feel I maybe have another year if I'm lucky with him being childlike, he still holds my hand sometimes. They are the safest relationships I've ever had. I just need to talk to someone, I am also really feeling my mortality and the passing of time and I can't settle at all.