Would you have intervewoned?

[OverOrUnderprotective]

After ds4's football lesson, he made friends with a couple of similarly aged boys. They were having fun jumping off a pretty high wall into the grass. One of ds' new friends was feeling a bit hesitant to jump. Two older boys saw this, climbed up the wall, jumped and then dared ds and his friends to jump as well. Ds did, Landed on his feet and used his hands to kind of stop the fall. The older boys seemed surprised he had jumped but then sniggered and mocked him for not standing straight and using his hands and called him embarrassing. It only lasted for minute or so and it didn't seem to bother ds too much. He was thrilled about finally having made some friends.

I know it's not a Biggie but it bothered me. Ds said one of those older boys goes to his school and he has seen him in his after school club. I don't think I can change those boys (as much as I'd love everyone to treat ds kindly and warmly I know that's not realistic) but I'm wondering if I should have said something to show ds that he doesn't have to take people being nasty to him and also so he knows it wasn't ok and hopefully won't start being mean himself.

Would you have said anything? What? Is this just how kids are and they all talk like this to each other?

And the title should read "intervened". It's been a long and hot day .

Sorry is he your fourth son or is he 4? If he’s 4 I would have intervened and redirected them to play somewhere safer. I mean it’s literally “If all your friends were jumping off a bridge…” and he clearly needs some guidance on how to navigate that.

He is 4. I'm not worried about him jumping off the wall. He was doing that before the older boys arrived and having fun and he would have just continued doing that with or without them. You are right about talking to him about blindly responding to dares or doing dangerous stuff just to prove himself but here my question concerns more about how they spoke to him. (They also took the younger kids' football away from them later).

I wouldn’t have intervened, unless to say “steady on, he’s only 4” or something. I would have had a later convo with DS about whether he thought those boys were kind. Chances are he’s say yes they were - in my experience, 4 year olds are not that deep.

Yes, I was about to say something like that but then thought that might come across as if ds' jump wasn't good enough and I'm excusing it saying he's only 4 when what I really want to say is that "why are you being nasty to a 4 year old?" It wasn't just what they said. It was the tone as well. Just really cutting and dismissive.

I know I'm probably overthinking it. Maybe I'm worried that being put down is just something that is part of school and growing up and tongue honest I'd be very upset if ds spoke like this to a younger child or indeed anyone. Or am I just being naive?

In what way did they dare him to jump off a wall he was already jumping off?
Not sure I’d have allowed my four year old to repeatedly jump from a “fairly high” wall, but you don’t seem to have an issue with it in principle.

I don't think they had seen or knew that he had been jumping off that wall previously. When they got there the other little boy was planning to jump but felt a bit scared and hesitated. Ds was on the wall with him. I'm not worried about the older boys daring them. They said something like this is so easy. Can't believe you are too scared to jump.

Of course we need to have a conversation about not letting yourself be provoked into doing stupid or dangerous stuff but it just didn't make sense in this case as ds had already been jumping off repeatedly. (And I did try to tell the other little boy who was a bit scared that he didn't have to jump if he didn't want to). It's what they said after that I'm asking about.

By fairly high I meant high for a 4 year old. Taller than him. I used to ask him to not do it But they jump on soft grassy ground and he's done it so often now that I'm not that concerned.