School refusal

[HonestPinkDeer]

Hi all. I am a single Mum navigating a very difficult situation. I waa looking to see if there were any other Mums in the same situation. Its a very long story but my son whos 11 isnt in school and js being home educated by me which isnt going very well. Ive put through for an ehcp looking to see if he has needs. He has a move up day tomorrkw for his new secondary school in september which hes refusing to go to. Its so hard isolating and lonely. I keeo fweling ive failed as a parrent. Its making me feel like not trying anymore.

If I could say kindly - just cos I’ve been there your nervous system will be very activated too. Just take time out to ‘be’ just the two of you. Stop organising, stop planning just pause.

Thank you. I was reaching out on here for some support. Because its a very hard isolating place to be. I honestly dont appreciate being attacked or judged on here. Its made me feel worse than before i posted. This was not an easy descision to take me my son out of school. It was last resort. I was looking for a safe place to share. Thank you to those who have been kind. Some people have made out ive just took him out and not done it all properly... which i have ive done all the right things. Funny enough i am a qualified tutor so i know what im doing and i dont need to explain myself to anyone. But tutoring your own child is really hard and not easy... i wont be posting on here again. Im actuallly really disappointed and upset to the point my child asked if im ok which im not.

Im not replying to anymore comments now im trying to remove the thread. And i will be taking myself of this site.

You almost feel on high alert all the time its horrible

I can see why you might feel on high alert all the time

It must be hard

But no one's been insulting towards you on here and replied unreasonably

So it's best to try not to react too impulsively on here.

OP many of us on here have dealt with and/or are dealing with very similar situations. The advice that we can give could actually help you if you give us a chance. I have been a lone parent for 13 years and my DD has barely attended school for the past 3 years due to her difficulties. This started with her transition to secondary school. If you can, please try to calm down enough to let the ones of us who know how hard this is give you some advice and support. Gently, try to narrow down what is going on for us so that we can understand more clearly and be able to try to help.

So sorry you are obviously going through a really hard times it sounds like you both need support. Have you any family or friends who can perhaps support you both. I say this as a friend of mine was struggling getting her DS to school. She was also a lone parent with a waste of time ex partner. Her uncle stepped up and with help from an outsider he went to school. He had no other issues though. Wishing you well

You can obviously but one of the beauties of MN is that this is an anonymous forum so nobody should know who you are in RL

Sorry I hadn’t seen this update of yours before I posted.

I’m very sorry that you feel under attack. Lots of on here have dealt with School refusal and can help. It’s a very difficult thing to deal with and I can’t imagine how hard it is as a single parent

If you do want @MNHQto revive your thread then you can report your first post, then a text box should appear and you can ask them in there.

I do hope you can reconsider though as the advice I received on here when my DC2 was refusing school was invaluable. They eventually received a diagnosis of AuDHD.

Hi op, is there any Sen ? As usually that’s why we would be getting an ehcp. My ds is autistic, he’s now 11 and in a special school after a whole year of school refusal, ebsa they call it. It was a massive battle for the EHCP even with a diagnosis so you have my sympathy. I will say Mumsnet was an absolute lifesaver for me I’d have been lost without the parents on the Sen board giving me advice.

And if you do want to remove the thread, have a look on FB at EBSA. There are a couple of groups that you might find helpful

www.mumsnet.com/talk/special_educational_needs/5484488-ehcp-support-thread-no-6?utm_campaign=thread&utm_medium=app_share

www.mumsnet.com/talk/_chat/5297998-ebsa-support-thread-2?utm_campaign=thread&utm_medium=app_share

Posters on those threads will get it.

I think you are very much on high alert which is why you are being jumpy here too. People are honestly just trying to help you, but it is really hard to advise or help without a bit more info.

For example if your DC is worried about being bullied at secondary you may need different advice to if he is worried about general crowds. If he is worried about leaving you (concerns for your safety) you may need different advice to if he is worried about the travel. Or he may be worried about new teachers, lessons etc.

Even if you choose not to post more yourself I hope you read the threads linked to above and they give you some support.

It is really stressful when your child won't attend, as I said above, mine missed all of y11 which as you know is a somewhat critical year. But you know what, the world didn't end and we got through it.

Where are you in the EHCP process? What week are you on and is the LA sticking to the timescale?

Personally, I wouldn’t EHE. I would inform the LA you are no longer EHEing and they need to make alternative arrangements as per section 19 of the Education Act 1996. I would do this now so that you are on their radar in the new academic year. The reason why I wouldn’t continue to EHE is because it is easier for professionals to sweep DC’s needs under the carpet when you EHE and you relieve the LA of the duty to provide a suitable education.

What support did the primary school try?

You say you have reached out to the secondary school, but have you had a proper meeting? Would DS be open to meeting staff at home or virtually? You say they won’t agree to a part-time timetable, which is a fairly standard decision at this point in time and on its own isn’t a long term solution, but what support are they going to put in place?