Getting through the day when you know it’s going to be a tough one with toddler

[Beachbooks]

DS is 20 months and I just need to vent .

Last few days he’s not napped well. He didn’t nap at all yesterday and was up screaming his head off at 5am this morning. I tried to settle him / keep him in his room (with me there) until a more sociable time of the morning but he just screamed and screamed so I had to get him up early.

I know he’s a baby and it’s not his fault but internally I just feel so cross that I’ve got another hard day ahead with him being over tired and I just need to vent on here so I can snap out of it.

I’ve had to cancel the class we were supposed to be doing as it’s too close to nap time and he will inevitably fall asleep in the car and won’t go back down in the cot so it will be yet another day of shitty sleep and a grumpy toddler.

So now we are just stuck at home all day and I’ve got a list as long as my arm of things I need to be doing that I haven’t had chance to do as he’s not napped.

He’s already watched an hour of tv and I’m just trying to snap out of being cross as I know it’s not fair on him. I just know it’s going to be a slog today.

Break it into segments.

Get out of the house

If he really isnt napping at lunch go for a drive it often gets them to drop off

Think of places nearby that have AC shopping centres soft plays whatever.

Lots of icelollies.

TV is okayyyy

The trouble is I know he will sleep in the car but I can’t drive around for 2 hours to make sure he does his full nap and if he falls asleep in the car that will be his nap done today even if it’s 2 minutes. I need him to do his full 2 hours so he can rest properly and I can do my housework

I would forget the housework and take him on a leisurely drive somewhere pretty if you know it will work for getting him to sleep. I could never get anything done anyway with overtired toddlers around. At least with a drive he’ll sleep.

Are you in UK? It's heatwave. Forget doing loads of housework. You are sleep deprived, so is he, and it is scorchio. Just allow yourself to get through the day.

It's days like today you are allowed to cut corners. Only make food you know he'll eat. And the easiest version that exists. If he drinks more water because there's a drop of sweet cordial in it - that's fine. If he only has milk all day, also fine.

If he's awake, I'd get hold of a paddling pool, put it in the shade and put out some cushions, towels and cold drinks. Just sit beside him. Or fill a clean washing up bowl with cool water, put it on a towel on the kitchen floor with some plastic beakers and squirty bottles and let him do water play. Then at least you can mop the floor afterwards.

Can you drive him somewhere and as soon as he falls asleep, turn round and transfer the car seat into the hallway at home? DS2 slept in his car seat or buggy all the time as it was the only way to ensure he napped at all.

And more TV later, with a fan blowing.

Mine also 20 months and she's never napped for 2 hours in her life so at least you've had that. Mostly has little nap on the go, just do that and earlier bedtime, then you get your time in the evening. What do you have that you really need to do? It's so hot, get some water out in the garden and just chill out. Do easy meals. Nap will stop soon anyway so you have to get used to it! I do lots of house stuff with my toddler around, I have to as she doesn't nap at home much. She passes me pegs for laundry, or plays with the cupboards whilst I cook.

I used to break the day up into hour long segments when I was struggling. Tick each hour off as it goes.

I also would say, lower expectations re: housework. You can only do what you can do. Do the bare minimum to keep things clean and sanitary and do the rest when things are easier.

Bin off the house work. Find somewhere an hour or so anyway give yourself a break.

I'd only stick him in the car as a last resort if he is not going down at home.

Id also say try ear pods / listening to something calming when trying to put him down.

Sometimes you have to give yourself over to the chaos and stop fighting it.

Buy some ice lollies...get yourself an iced coffee. Give yourself a break.

You are at lunch now.

Stick him in the bath in the middle of the day. He’ll cool off, burn through some energy and you can sit and have a cup of tea. Or even better get in the bath with him. He’ll think it’s the best day.

I’ve got three under threes and I’m having a similar day.

I mentally call it ‘a day to get us all through the day without tears’.

My two year old is currently playing with my thread. Once she’s done I’ll just cut what I can’t untangle and put it in the bin.

We’ll probably get a bucket of soapy water and a brush to ‘clean’ the front step next. It’s in the shade and keeps her busy for a few minutes. They’ll be no cleaning but she’ll be happy.

Do the housework anyway, can you not put him in a playpen? If he screams he screams, he'll do that anyway (well I'd wear some earplugs)

Thanks everyone, feeling a lot more positive now than this morning ! We walked to a local playgroup rather than driving to our usual class and he has gone down for his nap so hoping he stays asleep for a decent amount of time now.

I know the housework can wait but it stresses me out when the house doesn’t look clean and tidy. I managed to get a few bits done while he was watching tv this morning and then will try and get the rest done once he’s in bed tonight.

I hate to say it, but you might need to accept the days of the 2 hour naps are over. I can never remember what ages my childs naps changed, but I do remember the feeling of dread that I no longer had that little part of day to myself.

As it turns out, I actually prefer it now mine is a bit older and doesn't nap at all. They can have independent play time while I crack on with things. Or "join in" with me where possible.

We had a toy Henry hoover that he loved to use while I was using the real one. Although quite often he'd have even more fun when I let him loose with the real one. I've sat and had many a lovely cuppa while I've watched my child vacuuming my house (just move any breakables out the way).

I remember these days so well, and I really feel your pain. If he's had more than his fair share of screen time, maybe try and spend an hour playing with him, stick him in paddling pool if you have one. If you need to be upstairs, stick him in an empty bath but give him some plastic cups of water to chuck around in there. Go for a walk somewhere. Find a play group that doesn't require a booking or to be there at a specific time. Go to the library.

I'd definitely encourage independent play though. You don't need to be down on the floor with them every waking minute.

How on earth do you think a 20 month old would go in a playpen? They'd just push it over and fall out??

@Bananananna i can’t lie this is my biggest fear 😅I know I have been lucky up till now but it is going to be a big transition when they stop. He can play by himself but unsupervised he will do lots of climbing / getting up to no good but sure we will muddle through

I'm a SAHM to a 20 month old too. Some days are harder than others. If a day started like that for me, I go OK today is going to be awful, put my game face on. I treat it the same way I would a work day - it'll be shit but I have to be nice and patient and count down to my G&T when DH gets hime. And I forget the housework, do the bare minimum, and get the hell out of the house.

Also, as a general rule, I don't do housework during his nap. I might do some meal prep and I do my admin but not cleaning etc. Saves my sanity. Cleaning and housework I do with him around me. I have a supply of mini puzzles and stickers that I get out when I really need to do something. There's stickers in a drawer in every room of the house 😅.

I also recommend investing in Duplo legos and investing time in playing with it. Mine loves it and gives me 20-30 minutes of peace daily while he plays but it took some weeks of me playing with it with him to teach him.

@GiveMeCoffee637281 lots of people have said to me about not leaving the housework to when he’s asleep but if I turn my back for a moment he’s climbing up onto things or emprying out cupboards !! Do you get your LO to ‘help’ or is he happy to just play with thr puzzles whilst you crack on?

Sometimes he helps. Sometimes he will do a puzzle or a sticker. I sort of rotate activities. I also bought a toddler mop and vacuum.and he loves that.

It's not a perfect system, you need to accept sometimes they won't cooperate but it works most of the time.

I would 100% lose my mind if I kept nap time for chores.