What do you do when you’re toddler refuses to get in their car seat?

[sierra512]

There have been so many occasions where we need to go somewhere in my toddler just Flat out refuses to get in her car seat, and I’m not sure what to do anymore because I can only say it so many times.

Curious to know, what did you do??

That's a battle you are going to have to win OP.

So sorry you are going through that.

There's probably going on more under the surface.

I recommend Dr. Bach Rescue Drops. No harm in you taking it too.

I always have it at hand. Chills me right out. And helps deal with situations.

A lot of the times lately we just don’t go to the activity, or she just doesn’t go with us.

Personally I don’t let them think they have a choice, I’m firm and fast. But would review if the car seat is the right fit.
Disney movie on the iPad?

Pick them up and put them in. They don’t get a choice.

You do have to win this otherwise school will be a nightmare!
Mine were all quite competitive, can you take the car seat out and make a reward based game, How fast can you get in the seat?
Make rewards that are meaningful to her and play outside of the car.
Worked for 2 of mine but one was a Houdini and could wriggle out of 5 point harnesses which was really scary, the third I just had to put in. Best of luck.

A toddler doesn’t make that decision.

You pick them up and push firmly (but gently) into the backs of their knees. It's impossible for them to keep the rigid arching shape when you do this. Strap them in quickly and try your hardest to block out the howling while you drive (not fun, but most of us have had to do it at least once).
One of my friends couldn't bring herself to be firm with this and a couple of years ago ended up getting kicked off an overseas flight because her 4 year old refused to be strapped in for take off.

Does she wriggle out of the straps like Houdini when you're driving? If so I do sympathise. We even added extra straps to make it like a straight jacket and unless she was placed in the seat when calm, she escaped and rolled around the footwell/parcel shelf.

What I can say is it was a phase.

If your child doesn't escape then I don't really know what the big deal is here? You strap them in and off you go. Trust me, some screaming is much more peaceful than a toddler grabbing the gear stick in a moving car.

You pick them up and put them in.

Good luck when they're a teen!

This is one of those non-negotiables like tooth brushing. I wouldn’t be offering rewards etc - explain once why and how you need to do it if they are verbal, then they get in nicely or I force them in. Leave with enough time so there isn’t stress about being late on top of having to wrangle them.

Mine would go rigid and I could not force her in without hurting her. People saying you can strong arm them in have never met an autistic toddler who hates the car seat.

I highly recommend never doing more than one stop. We had one destination and then home. Anything else was always a disaster.

sometimes I just had to wait. I would try to force the issue, but there are safety limits.

having special toys for the car or special treats helps.

Same as others have said I would bend them at the hips and then strap quickly. My issue came when they could undo the straps. Wasn't helped by having twins and once I got the second one in the car the first had escaped. We were obviously regularly late and would have to allow an extra 15 mins every morning to do the school run with my eldest, as we had no choice but to do it (DH at work and we live rurally so nothing in walking distance).

I tried everything to stop it - never found a devise they couldn't open. And tried every reward/distraction going (apart from tablets/mobiles).

What did work was pretending to take them out of the car and saying I will have to call the police to come and put you in and the police won't be happy. Explaining why in simple terms. A couple of times I actually phoned DH on the phone and we pretended he was the policeman. It also helped once when a police car drove past! It did eventually stop and they now get in the car fine.

You pick them up and put them in, straps around the hips to get the buckle done and then over the arms and pull tight if they are really fighting it. As others have said completely non negotiable, I don't ask them if they want tog etc in the car seat

You have to safely physically overpower them, as hard as it is. Deep breath and concentrate on getting them in without either of you getting hurt. It's not nice but sometimes there's no choice. Like teeth brushing.

If they arch their back, tickle their tummy

How old is she, and what kind of car seat?

Yes, as pps have said you do sometimes just have to shove them in whether they like it or not. But I wonder if there is a way you could help her break the cycle of carseat=kick off? Young ones really do get stuck in a rigid little irrational thought process sometimes and a change of routine can help shift it.

So, is there anything about the seat you think could be uncomfortable for her? As they grow the "fit" in the seat changes. I took the additional (optional) head pillow out of mine at some point for example. Is it rear facing? I am very very keen to keep kids rear facing as long as possible but if she is actually big enough and 3 not 1, then you could carefully pose a "big girl" way of doing it to her by turning the seat around, but only if she behaves as such.... Again I don't like the idea really, but I do know of someone who put the seat in the front for a bit. The novelty of being different somehow might just snap her out of it. It will have to be backed up by a "wow this new set up is cool" yet entirely no-nonsense demeanor from you though.

I have done my share of wrestling toddlers into seats. I do also have a special car which will not drive unless everyone is strapped in properly, as a couple of the kids friends have discovered over the years ....

Good luck op, you will both get there!

Easier said than done sometimes! We had this with my eldest and it could take 2 of us when she was at her worst, was a nightmare if we were trying to get to work etc. Luckily no problems with youngest.

You tickle them, you are physically stronger than them so ultimately over power them.

Sorry but this is a “firm but fair” situation. It also won’t be the last.

So deep breath, try and make it as swift as possible. I had a car seat where I had to put my hand on the crotch buckle and use my forearm to, very gently, stop them from forcing their hips up. I actually used minimal language, which seemed to help. My second child was ridiculously strong, it was not easy at all!!

OR massive distractions as you do it. Keep talking, give them their favourite fiddle toy/book etc. I used to start the conversation in the house and keep going until it was done. They are 14 and 17 and it still sometimes works.

OR make it a game. Use some reverse psychology, if you don’t mind looking like a prat “there is no way you could get in your seat, I’m just going to look over here…No way!!!”

Then off we went with as many distractions as possible. “Look at the dog/tractor/elephant” etc.

This too shall pass. Good luck.

Brute force.

You have to wrestle them into it … no option really. I wouldn’t stop going out!

She doesn't come with you? What?

Er I just pick them up and put them in. Unless you're disabled there is no way whatsoever you're weaker than a toddler. Bend them at the knees and they go straight into a sitting position.

I used to use my head when I was desperate. Most of the other times though you catch them off guard, pick up - fold - fasten. One swift movement, quick like a cat!

They’re 18 and 15 now and fine.

So of course she refuses to get in her car seat, because you’re giving her exactly what she wants and she doesn’t have to go!

You’re the parent. You make the decisions. You’re not raising a little dictator.

If they “refuse” to get in you just pick them up and put them in. You don’t fanny about repeatedly asking them and pleading with them and cajoling them only to then give in to them and not go wtf 🤦‍♀️