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Parenting

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Childcare decision

3 replies

Wanderinggoat8 · 21/06/2026 22:35

Hi I would appreciate people's opinions if they have been through the same/ what they might do in my situation.

2 sons go to same childminder who is a private minder that does not offer any discounts. There is a government subsidy for creche facilities but not private minders where I live .

My oldest child likes the children who go there but preferred his previous childminder as was less strict ,had understandable rules but current minder has an older child there who doesnt seem to like my child very much from the stories i hear. I know thats one sided as son is 10 but its worth noting as a factor . Youngest child is indifferent as seems to be much less anxious about the minders own child's demeanour.

Husband has a new job offer which could see him working 2 days from home and be able to collect both children from school . I can navigate work hours to be able to pick up from school on the other days by working shorter days and longer days the days my husband is picking up.

My concern is giving up childminder altogether gives me anxiety in case anything happened to either of us that we might need external support ie health diagnosis etc.

Have grandparents in reasonable distance but don't ask for their help to date as older and didn't feel right .

I've had some issues with childminder in past that we navigated through but I feel I talk myself out of my concerns since as tensions seem to run high when I address them in past. None are safety or anything just bug bears over communication, short notice days off etc. My oldest likes the other kids and one of his closest friends also goes there and I'm concerned how this transition of not going any longer might affect him in school. He's aged 9 nearly 10 now and has been there the last 2 years.

Would you feel the savings made of not using childminder would outweigh these concerns? In last 5 years since paying for childcare for 2nd child we have not been able to save due to job changes/ buying house etc .

If we cease the childminder we would save, but oldest child would miss friends ( still sees them at school) and I feel there's no buffer in case either parent has any health diagnosis down the line. I realise I am anxious so please be kind but honest in your responses. I have lost alot of sleep trying to make this decision.

OP posts:
Are your children’s vaccines up to date?
TweetTwewt · 21/06/2026 22:53

If you do need childcare in the future, you will be able to find some then. If you don't need it now, don't use it.

mindutopia · 22/06/2026 12:14

I would absolutely give up the place. It will save you money and really your eldest is about to age out of this arrangement anyway.

As for health concerns, we had a similar set up to you, each of us could collect on our non-long days. I was then diagnosed with cancer. I am not well enough to work anymore and I need a daily afternoon nap. Having a childminder would not have helped the situation in any way. There are lots of things I need as someone with a chronic illness, but an extra 2 hours of childcare on school days isn’t one of them. My dc (and yours) are old enough to look after themselves while I’m in the house having a nap. It would be different if they were 2, but my youngest is 8. He’s not going to burn the place down if I need to lie down for a bit. It’s no different than if I was in a meeting.

And actually I’d much rather make the most of the time we have when I feel well and we can spend time together rather than them just being in after school club. It’s good quality time to do things together. I wouldn’t hesitate to take them out.

macaroon8 · 22/06/2026 13:47

Your rising 10 year old is, in the near future, not going to want to be picked up by a childminder. And I would imagine the same for his friends. It will be bad enough being picked up by a parent!

Your jobs sound quite flexible so I'd go with DHs new job, ditch child minder and see how it goes.

Are you close enough to school to encourage independence for the eldest? Ours was a split infant / junior school on two different sites. Oldest would walk to infants from juniors where they and siblings would be picked up. Once at secondary the would walk home by themselves/ with mates.

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