Toddler (20 months) completely inconsolable after bringing new baby home.

[Caffeinepleasenow]

I don't know what to do with her and it's making me so sad to see her so upset. It's just endless tantrums and ear-splitting screaming. I can hear her losing her voice, but nothing distracts her.

Trying to do as much one to one time as possible, but there are times when I have to feed or change the baby. I also can't pick her up yet, but I'm getting down to her level for hugs and doing cuddles on the sofa as much as possible.

Other advice I've read has been to get toddlers to help out with baby tasks, but she's a little too young to understand that yet.

I'm feeling so guilty for having another baby and wrecking her life. I feel like she's going to hate me soon. I'm only one week postpartum so my emotions are already all over the place and I'm exhausted from being up with the baby all night too.

Has anyone else gone through this? Did anything help? And when did it get better?

bless you
I bigger gaps and so I got them involved with helping but harder when they’re not even 2.

they were all a bit jealous tho it’s only natural - when I had my youngest son now 7 my dd now 10 was VERY jealous and I got her a pram, toy changing table then a baby boy doll - baby Annabelle’s brother Alexander I think it was and that helped - would she like a baby and a pushchair and some bits? She’s quite young but might see the baby doll as she’s got a baby like Mummy?

things do improve tho mine all get on reasonably well most of the time, I’d be lying if I said all the time but this is just a passing phase.

You haven't wrecked her life ❤️. It's those rotten hormones talking to you, ignore them. 20 month olds can tantrum about anything at the best of times.

She won't hate you. Things will settle down very soon. I assume you've had a c-section? Give it a month and you will feel so much more human. The one thing I did was had my baby in the playpen so my toddler could still dash around without me worrying about the baby being bumped.

You need to love bomb her and help her young brain understand she hasn’t been replaced

Hand baby to dad and do something she loves, just the two of you. Doesn’t need to be extravagant.

and as for ‘ I feel like she's going to hate me soon’, kindly, stop being so self indulgent. She is little more than a baby. She has no notion of hating someone. All she knows is her life now feels different and uncomfortable and it is your job to manage that, not wallow in how bad YOU feel. Managing a sibling transition is a key part of parenting more than one child.

This is so hard - sending a hug. We’ve had bursts of this - and it was so hard in the early weeks when I couldn’t pick him up. Things have improved though, now 4 months in - and I just had to hold onto the fact that I know how beneficial it is to have a sibling and that they won’t remember this moment as they get older. A few friends have told me they found it harder with a bigger gap because they really could articulate and internalise the new arrival as a slight against them. Younger pairs ended up budding up and moving forward together.

When my son was born my daughter was 11months 2 weeks old and couldn't walk. I had to put her in the playpen so I could feed the baby. It was heartbreaking to see her crying hysterically while I tried to calmly feed him.
She soon came round to looking out for him and being a big sister.
Now they are 53 and 52 and have always been there for each other as well as taking the mickey out of each other!
Just keep cuddling her as much as you can manage and it'll be OK in the end.
Good luck and look after yourself too.

Get dad to do as much with the baby as possible.
Have special box of toys and books for when you're feeding - things that she can sit next to you and do or have a story.
Did baby give your toddler a present? My DS was delighted with the building blocks DD 'gave' him.
And PPs suggestion of a doll, buggy etc is good - they can be bathed and fed at the same time.

It will get better, promise! You haven't ruined her life and she won't hate you, that's just your hormones talking and playing tricks on you.

Try and stay calm and don't try and get her to engage with baby unless she shows interest. Obviously you need to feed baby but then try and pass to Dad so you can cuddle and spend one on one time with her. Once you're up and about and feeling physically better, it will all get easier. Just try and get through the next few weeks and do anything you can to make it easier - even if that means watching tv and eating chocolate buttons! Are grandparents around to make a big fuss of her?