Kids falling asleep in car

[Alondonmama]

My DD is almost 5 and DS is 2.5. Recently they have become difficult to put to sleep at night, especially DS. We separate them from around 7.30/7.45 and DH and I take it in turns with each of them. DD isn’t too bad and we try and read her a couple of books then put a Tonie on and leave the room and come back and check in regularly. We stay with DS until he falls asleep in his toddler bed after reading some books we put that lights off and sometimes have Yoto lullabies on but he still won’t fall asleep until around 9pm. I work full time as does DH and we’ve recently been finding this really stressful as bedtime takes up the whole evening and we have little time for ourselves.
Yesterday we went to visit some friends by car and it was around 1.5-2hrs each way. We left at 11am and then left there at 6pm - DS slept the whole journey there and back and DD slept on the way back. DD didn’t go to sleep until almost 10pm and DS didn’t go to sleep until 11.30pm last night as a result 🙈! DH especially found this very stressful, I think we are finding it hard as have no family support and I’m going to look into getting some paid help once every couple of weeks for an evening off as think we need a break. We have lots of summer outings planned and I’m worried about how we stop this happening every time! How does everyone deal with car naps and impact on bedtimes?

Leave later, put them in PJs before you set off and straight in to bed at home

Yes this!

Bed time can be so difficult to get right. My five year old used to go hyper after the 'calming relaxing' bath. Just a thought, but we dont have a Tonies, so no experience. Is the tonies and yoto keeping their minds going? I would struggle to sleep with something on?

More broadly, I would focus on a new routine that gets your evenings back.

I’m fortunate in that I’m home with the kids over the summer. Realistically we roll with it and lower expectations.

if they fall asleep in the car, we are very aware they aren’t going to go to bed on time … so we don’t try… and if we’ve had a busy day one day we try and have a more chilled day the next so they can get up later.

Routine absolutely goes to pot … but we roll it back towards the end of the summer ready for back to school.

If you need a break, then absolutely get a babysitter, or similar, to have an evening out together. Raising children is full on !

This, when it’s possible. Then you can just carry them to bed.

Earlier in the day, the only thing that kept mine awake was watching something on a tablet.

Ours are similar ages and also fall asleep every long car journey. We either leave at bedtime so they transfer better to their beds, or we accept it will be a late night and have snacks and sofa cuddles until they’re ready to go to bed.

I think you are starting bed time too late for a start. We did a solid bedtime routine of bath at 6.30, story and in bed by 7pm.

Also for evening journeys home put them in pj’s before you leave and transfer straight to bed when you get back.

You either have to perform like a one man circus show to keep them awake all the way home, or transfer them straight into bed from the car asleep. Second opinion can be risky because if they wake up they could be up for hours.

Sit in the back with them and engage them so they don’t fall asleep.

Agree you’re starting bedtime too late for that age. I always aimed to have mine in bed and settled for 7pm. A quick story and kisses, loo trip and lights out.

we always used to take pjs, flannel and child’s farm body wash, a flask of hot water, travel hand towel and toothbrushes if there was even a hint we’d be out beyond 6pm. They quite liked a car boot wash! Then it was just a case of pop them in bed, after a wee if they were awake enough.

I had a late return bag packed ready to grab. I’d refill it the next day if it was used. Then I just needed to boil the kettle and fill the flask.

Our youngest hurt herself last weekend and went into shock and vomited all over herself, I missed the bag then and have reinstated it this week - and added vomit bags to the first aid kit and my handbag!

Depends very much on the size of your car. Having been the person squashed in the back between two carseats I wouldn't wish it on anyone, especially not for long periods!

It really depends on your kids. Mine don’t sleep in ever,
for example, so a chilled day the next day doesn’t help - they’d still be up by 7am.

If I can, I do align leaving with bedtime, or within an hour, so it doesn’t matter if they fall asleep. If we can’t, I try to keep them awake… usually with toys/singing/long chats with DS but if it all else fails, I’ll let four year old watch iPlayer on my phone. If he sleeps, we’re up until midnight 🫣

If I took DS to bed at 7pm, he’d be up at 4am. We go around 8pm. He’s usually asleep within 20 minutes.

Or the size of the person 🤷‍♀️ We have a small car and two ERF seats, I still manage to fit comfortably in the back if needed.

Any day out with a drive home we timed leaving to about bedtime after changing into pyjamas. At 10 and 8 now we still do for the 4.5 hour drive back from my parents so we can do a quick driver swap/loo break for us and otherwise do the whole journey as smoothly and quickly as possible.

Danger naps just not worth the trouble of leaving earlier.

I wouldn’t plan a lengthy car journey departing at 6pm. That’s prime danger nap territory! I would either leave before 4pm or after 7 having changed them into PJs so could transfer them straight to bed. If you really must leave during the danger window then prop an ipad on the centre armrest with a movie on, have snacks to lob at them and once the movie has finished take all their annoying song requests.

Rightly or wrongly we prioritised our evenings when the kids were small and didn’t faff around at bedtime.
We had stories and cuddles then put a story CD on if they wanted it and went downstairs. Sometimes they’d play or sing or talk to themselves for a bit but eventually they’d get back in bed and go to sleep.

At this time of year we had to do fake sunsets for my daughter as her brain /body couldn't compute that it's still bedtime even though it is still day time.

When she was 11 months she was up until gone 11pm every night, given I needed to be in bed and asleep by 10 this was problematic!

We closed the curtains and blinds in her room before we went upstairs with her so we went into a dark bedroom, we started to close blinds and curtains downstairs about half an hour before bed and we stopped all playing outside after 4.30-5.

For bedtimes it comes down a bit depending on whether they are a low or high sleep needs children and what time they wake up.
I have a 5 almost 6 year old and she has friends who would go to bed at 5.30-6pm given the choice waking at 4-5am. Their parents actively keep them awake until 6.30 and this pushes their awake times to slightly more tolerable 5.30-6am. Other children sleep 10 -8 each day. My daughter is in the later category. At 2 we started bedtime at 7.30 and she was usually asleep between 8 and 8.15. She's 5 and we were doing bedtime at 7, reading stories until 7.30, audio books on her own until 8. She was then awake until 9.30 and now struggling with getting up for school at 7.45 am. We slowed bedtime down, we still start at 7 but now read stories until 7.45 and do audio books until 8.15. She now goes to sleep by 8.45 and wakes at 7.30 for school with minimal issues. Some times a bed time that is too early causes later bedtimes as they lack that sleep pressure for sleeping when they first go to bed and that means it is a lot more of a battle to get them to go to sleep.

Wait and leave at bedtime so they treat it as bedtime rather than a nap. We do a lot of drives between 7-10pm. For 2.5 year, just cut nap entirely where possible and accept later bedtime jf they do nap

You really set yourself up to fail there. If you are going to do a car journey at 6/7pm, then whoever is not driving needs to be the entertainment. Singing, dancing, you need to be a one man band there.

You are also starting the bedtime routine way too late.

I go for putting mine in pjs and leaving as close to bedtime as possible. This guarantees they won’t fall asleep in the car. If I were to leave an hour earlier in clothes they definitely would.

Thanks for all the replies and tips! I think because they are in the habit of a later bedtime at the moment anyway it was always going to be hard with the car journey at that time. I think we’ll def try and leave earlier or time later with bedtime next time!

We also need to be better at trying to leave them to fall asleep by themselves but my DS especially won’t do that, he just gets out of bed continually - the heatwave isn’t helping anyone at the moment either!

And of the car seats of course. Size 10 person struggled between two car seats in the back of a fiesta. Lots of factors mean it might not be practical, though it could work.

If I know I’ll be coming home later and it would effect DDs bedtime I bring my tablet and put on something for her to watch so she doesn’t fall asleep, it’s not all the time so don’t see the issue

100% on the leave later at bedtime and transfer them to bed. Also it’s possibly not what you want to hear but you need to do some sleep training to get your evenings back and get them to sleep at a reasonable hour then the one night off isn’t the end of the world.
my SIL still has this issue and it’s only got worse as her boys have got older. Star charts, calmly returning to bed whatever you think but I really would crack down now