Ex sending maintenance?

[SunnyDelights]

Silly one but my ex has started sending me money for the kids, this is the first time he's ever done it as he previously told me he should NOT have to pay any maintenance, he just started doing this of his own accord out of nowhere. He texts me to tell me he has sent money, am I suppose to respond each time? I did the first time but am I meant to respond each time going forward? as I said he has never done this before so I don’t know what the “etiquette” is, we don’t speak otherwise. Obviously im not going to say thanks but do I send a message to acknowledge the payment each time?

I use to send 👍. It answered the question but felt suitably passive aggressive. As it did not need to be announced or require a response.

I don’t want to be passive aggressive as I don’t feel there is any need

What's so impossible about "thanks"?

All you need do is send a simple “money received” it’s completely neutral , not thanking him for anything and not passive aggressive or inviting further interaction. It means he has no reason to follow up with a “have you received it “. Don’t over think it

Each time? I’ve never had maintenance so do people send a message to their ex each time to say they’ve received it even through child maintenance service?

Im not thanking him for paying for his kids he is not doing me a favour HTH

If he hasn’t bothered before I’d say thanks I don’t get the over thinking it here. You can sound unfazed and he may think screw you and not bother. He may want some sort of ego boost for doing what rightly should be done. But as someone that has had to fight and give up then fight again for maintenance I would say thanks. If you don’t need it do as you wish.

Is he self employed by any chance?

I don’t need it as I’ve learned to manage without, im not sending a thanks, it’s his kids he isn’t a stranger. Surprising that people think I should be thanking their father for paying for them which is what he is meant to do. Also im just wondering if I should be acknowledging it each time, I did the first time but am I meant to do it every time? As he has sent a few small payments quite close together

@SunnyDelights but it was you asking for what to say. Obviously you don't need to say anything. I would ignore and if he stops go through cms.

Surely him paying is in your children’s best interests? No one thinks you should give him a standing ovation but keeping the peace rather than thinking of something to say or make a stand gets exhausting. I think the thumbs up is actually pretty good. You could put it aside for their future moneys money.

As being unnecessarily passive-aggressive seems to be your style you might as well go with 👍

Im not asking what to say I literally said in my post I won’t be saying thanks! So please tell me where I asked what to say? I said so I need to say something each time

”obviously im not going to say thanks but do I send a message to acknowledge the payment each time” I didn’t ask what to say.

No. You don't. HTH

You could go through CMS then there’s no need. Equally you may ignore and he may follow it up with have you recieved it each time. He might be trying to start communication again who knows. The CMS is draining if he’s self employed.

👍

It’s not exhausting i would just say “ok ive received it” just don’t know if it requires it each time as you wouldn’t do that through Cms. As I said we have no contact otherwise.

👍

👍

If he's messaging you in a polite manner, an acknowledgement seems appropriate. Or try not responding and see if he sends a follow-up. Not sure why 👍 isn't suitable, or a simple OK. No need for thanks.

The message is polite enough so I will send a text to let him know it’s been received after the weekend.

Thumbs up or received. I think you’re being overly pedantic here.

But it would depend how often he’s sending it. Monthly, fine. Acknowledge it. If several times a month or week, it sounds like just to get a response out of you and I wouldn’t really acknowledge beyond the first two times.

That said, I don’t think there is any reason to not say thanks. Dh, who I am happily married to, sent me £200 this morning so could do our weekly Tesco shop (by me, I mean, into our joint account). He basically sent his own money to his own account so I could buy food for all of us. Not exactly anything heroic. I still said thanks. 🤷🏻‍♀️

Thats different you are happily married this man hasnt seen his kids in 3 years and hasnt paid in 10. Do you think men should be thanked for paying for the kids they have? Yes it’s a few small amounts very close together

HTH is very passive aggressive and abit of a MN mic drop I loath. If it’s good for a poster who was just contributing to the thread then surely fine for an ex who has just started to pay for his kids after not bothering. HTH