How do I handle my 19-year-old son's anger and girlfriend?

[Raven1983]

I have a 19 year old son, who at the moment his attitude stinks. He is angry all the time and takes it out on his brothers and me if things don't go his own way. He has a girlfriend which I am unsure of but lately I have stop her coming to my home due to my sons attitude. He says it's the only thing that makes him happy and I am the cause of his unhappiness. Even his brothers don't like his girlfriend. But his stepdad says I need to stick with it and be strong. But I can see he is hurting. Not only the attitude is why I stopped her but his room is a mess and everytime I ask him to tidy up I get I will later or tomorrow.
This has been going for a couple of years now. And it's getting me down. Am scared incase she gets pregnant and his life is ruined, he has started his career a few days ago. How do I do this? Please help

I think we need more information in order to understand the situation OP. What is it that DS’s GF does or says that worries you and upsets your other DC? In most circumstances I wouldn’t try to stop a 19yo bringing a girlfriend home.
Do you have any idea why DS is so unhappy at the moment? Or is it just very bad late teenage angst? I know quite a few teenagers who refuse to clear up their floordrobe.

Agree with PP. can you give us more information on why your other DC don’t like the GF?

As for his anger, have you taken him out somewhere neutral, like a coffee shop, and talked with him about what’s bothering him so much?

Why is it that his Stepdad gets the final vote too?

You need to establish why he’s so miserable I think but I absolutely get not rewarding a poor attitude.

Sorry I forgot to mention the room. How bad is it? Would waiting till he’s out then changing the bedding, opening the window, emptying the bin and taking out the dishes make it block or will it take far more work?

Yes - when and how many times have you and your son been for a walk, sit down out somewhere neutral and discussed what is going on with him ? What are his reasons for anger ? Is he healthy - out a lot, exercising, socializing, eating well ? Or is there something going on? Have you always managed to have healthy conversations up until now ? Why is the girlfriend banned ?