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Parenting

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can you please LMK your take if you were kept from one of your parents growing up?

6 replies

sodoffbeforemycupofcoff · 20/06/2026 07:36

Hi, I have broken free and fled DA around about 7 or so months ago, just before I left, a couple of incidents occurred which made me worry for my child’s safety with their DF. He was screaming at me to record a false statement that he had never hit/hurt me so he could show people when they asked about my allegations but my son was there and the raised voices really frightened my child, I pleaded for him to stop as he was scaring him and he was crying but he said he would only stop once I recorded the video. So he was using my child’s fear to get me to record a false statement. He also had my DC on his hip while screaming at me in a corner (after I explained how frightened of him I was and felt like he could seriously hurt me at any moment) he was grabbing things out of my hand for my DC birthday and throwing them on the floor, destroying my things, screaming at me all while my son was in close proximity of this. To me, this is not a care to protect a child from DA or violence.
now I cut informal contact with him because of this, and I believed I did the right thing by asking him to please take me to court (not mediation and to not contact me informally) until now really… I stand by my reasons to stop contact but am I being fair and just by my son to allow him to grow up without a DF? I know I said go through court but if I’m honest with myself I never believed he actually would due to the pure violence and a massive charge about something serious on his criminal record. Have you ever blamed your parent for stopping contact? Will my son? My head is baffled.

OP posts:
MagnesiumBathSalts · 20/06/2026 12:06

Oh op big hugs. In this instance no, I wouldn’t blame you and I think it’s the right thing to do. I was stopped from seeing my dad for long periods. We were not victims of DV however he was neglectful and just pretty shit. Probably abit emotionally abusive. I understood pretty quickly why my mum made the decisions she did and never held it against her. I never saw him again until once recently as he appeared in hospital and they got in touch. He was still the same awful man only this time I got to see it for myself as an adult.

i grateful I had my mum to protect me

mindutopia · 20/06/2026 13:25

I wouldn’t say I was kept from my dad, as in contact refused, but I only ever saw him on supervised visits (supervised by my mum). He would come to our house for lunch or we’d meet him somewhere. I never had any overnights with him ever.

He was an abusive jerk. Not in the sense that we fled DA as you describe, but I was aware it was an abusive relationship and I didn’t particularly want to see him. I absolutely never desired more of a relationship with him. He died when I was 18 and while it was sad, of course losing a parent is always sad, it wasn’t sad in the sense that I wished we’d been closer. I have absolutely no regrets and I think my mum did the best thing by me.

mindutopia · 20/06/2026 13:30

I will add to the above that I don’t think children are damaged by not having something that other children have. My dc don’t really have any grandparents, for example.

They’re damaged by harmful behaviour by the people they do have in their lives and by inconsistency and unreliability. Being dicked around or treated badly.

Pineapplec0re · 20/06/2026 13:32

I think you’re doing the right thing
and you’re not stopping him, he can take you to court if he wants to and the court can decide.

BreakingBroken · 20/06/2026 13:41

Why is your OP AI generated?

sodoffbeforemycupofcoff · 20/06/2026 15:29

BreakingBroken · 20/06/2026 13:41

Why is your OP AI generated?

What do you mean?

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