I would really appreciate some views on my twins behaviour and ideas on how to improve the situation.
I have 8yr old identical twin boys and a younger daughter. In school, the boys behaviour is impeccable and through the years every teacher has commended their behaviour and attitude. They’re able to focus and follow rules and are towards the top of their class for academic achievement. They have lovely friends and are doing well, never any concerns from school.
As younger children, they were a dream. Sweet, kind and listened well. They were the kids who would hold the pram the whole journey for example and slept like a dream for naps and bedtime. It wasn’t easy because there were two of them of course, but they made life as easy as it could have been in the circumstances.
However, things have changed in recent years. At home, it feels like we have different kids completely. They’re still kind hearted but they have regular surges in energy, running around like lunatics, talking over each other, yelling constantly. The worst is the showing off by being silly. As soon as a guest comes over or we’re out in public, the showmen come out and they stop listening and start being silly and it’s so tiring.
They’ve started to pick on their younger sister too and there’s constant arguments and crying over what’s fair, who’s had what, who said what, I want this, I want that….
I wouldn’t say we’re permissive parents. I’ve also kept life with them pretty structured and we will intervene with poor behaviour but it doesn’t work. Warnings are ignored, consequences (losing toys, pudding etc) are followed through with no lasting change. They may stop in the moment, but the next day it’s the same.
They’ve had me in tears at times. A few months ago I took them to a routine appointment and they did the same silliness there and I was mortified. After a long queue it’s the pharmacy with them playing up, I lost my cool, we left and I cried all the way home, explaining how ashamed of their behaviour I was. They apologised and my husband came out and reiterated the same message to them but the cycle continues. Yesterday my husband took them to collect dinner from a local takeaway and they did the same to him there, being silly, raising voices and not listening to him. He really blew up at home (verbally) and had to take himself out of the house for 30mins as he was so angry with them and I completely understand as I’ve been there too. The being silly and not listening is a regular occurrence.
I think part of the problem is that they’re twins who are each others best mate. They find each other hilarious so they bounce off each other and it escalates quickly.
They also seem to be very immature compared to their class mates although I know too well kids are different at home so who knows.
It’s been worse recently and I’m out of ideas. We provide a nice life to them with a lovely home and lots of clubs and opportunities, and both being from more working class families, we regularly let them know how lucky they are, we don’t spoil them and they hear “no”
a fair bit, to help avoid entitlement. We want them to work hard and be grateful for what they have. AND LISTEN!!
Any insights into how we address this? Is it normal? How do you improve listening when they’re clearly able to at school.