Anyone else feel snappy and horrible with their older child after another baby?

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Have 1 y.o and 3 y.o. I feel like I have no patience with the 3yo and I feel like I’m am some snappy, shouty, impatient horrible mum. I feel myself getting annoyed with him over things like just now trying ti get him and 1yo to sleep and he’s pretending to fall off bed but in process could break the side of my bed, have told him this before, so I grab his PJs and pull him back but I’m doing it whilst angry. Things like that and I just feel horrible impatient angry and no wonder he prefers his dad

not sure why I am posting I just want to know if anyone felt like this with older child. He probably wants attention but when I give it he also acts out. He’s also the kindest most lovely boy and I couldn’t adore him more but I find myself get so impatient and annoyed and snappy sometimes

I was definitely guilty of this. I also (probably still do if I am honest) definitely expected more of him because he was the older one and seemed so very capable and able to fend for himself compared to the helplessness of my baby DD.

We did have a rocky few months but I had the opportunity to spend a lot of time with him one to one last summer and we really bonded again, which was lovely. So don’t despair and think all is lost.

Thank you. I find I am getting more time to have 1-1 with him but nowhere near enough for what I’d love or him probably. I know I’ll get that back but I feel like will I ever be patient with him and kind to him consistently. He probably thinks I think he’s so annoying and it makes me so sad. I’m just so exhausted though which doesn’t help but don’t want to make excuses. I feel just horrible

I did but controlled. Also had a 3.5 year gap so perhaps ds was a bit more "mature" and a nice lad who was always lovely to his baby sister despite being challenging

Parents' evening Yr 1 or 2 . They did a little piece on jealousy. "I remember being very jealous of my baby sister because she got all mummy's attention". I was gutted.

That’s tough to hear. I’m sure they all feel that though

Two DS, 11 months and 4.5. Completely relate, including the doing something like pushing him off the baby in anger. It’s a horrible feeling and every time I snap or get angry I berate myself but that doesn’t help really. I try to remind myself it’s normal to feel angry or frustrated and not judge myself too harshly for that, but up to me how I express that (I.e ideally with some control!). I also find we do better when I’m tight on boundaries and act before I’ve got too wound up, rather than trying to be more tolerant then suddenly snapping. I feel very guilty about it.

Thanks for sharing this it is helpful. It’s so hard. I think we are all just muddling our way through and doing our best, and that’s all we can do really

Yes, I relate to this a lot.

DS is just 4 and DD is nearly 1. For months, every time he sees me breastfeeding her, he is jumping on me, snuggling right up to DD, pulling at her hands and touching my breasts. It's extremely frustrating. I know it is because he is jealous of the closeness and wants to be cuddled right up like her, but I get so touched out by it. Especially if I am trying to get DD to sleep and she is being distracted.

Redirecting to reading a book together sometimes works, but often I am just needing to tell him to get off, or standing up and moving. I have definitely snarled "give me some space!" a few times, which rarely helps anything.

It doesn't help that he also gets very jealous if DH is holding the baby, so trying to offer him 1:1 time with me while DH is with DD leads to stressing and fussing that he wants Daddy.

I have been feeling quite rejected (also not helpful) because DS always used to want me and now often kicks up a fuss if I am the one doing bedtime or brushing his teeth etc. It is very frustrating to be explicitly holding space for individual attention for him and then have to deal with a tantrum because "I want Daddy. He does it better." Tbh I think by persevering with this the tantrums are getting less and he is starting to be more comfortable with me again, but it definitely adds to the difficulty of feeling closer to him. I have to hold in mind a lot that 4yo are "annoying" in ways that babies aren't, just because they are older - and can do irritating stuff like shouting "I farted in your face!" And then demanding games and stories on the toilet.

When I go back to work, I am planning a half day where DD is in nursery and I have DS, so that we can get more of the 1:1 time he is needing.

Yeah I have a 3 year old and a 10 month old and I feel like the toddler is waaay more difficult than the baby ever has been. I have occasionally really lost my temper with him and shouted really loudly at him, but it makes me feel so awful. I’ve had a couple of occasions where I’ve had to push him or pull him off of the baby so he doesn’t injure him. Sometimes just in the heat of the moment, tiredness and the relentlessness of motherhood all pile up and you react.
I feel bad that I look forward to his nursery days, but sometimes he’s just so difficult and I think we need a break from each other.
I think the important thing is that you say sorry and explain how you felt at that moment, and spending quality time together.
I don’t really remember any specific moments my parents shouted at me (I know they did though), but I do remember that mum would apologise if she’d shouted or been grumpy and would tell me why she felt like that. So I think it’s the connection moment our kids will remember more than us being occasionally snappy, hopefully!