This will be a long one, but I’m at a loss.
my daughter (14) and my son (12) haven’t seen their dad in approx 3 years. I had to involved police and social services at the time as they made accusations that their dad was aggressive/violent towards them and their siblings at his house. I was advised to stop contact.
Around Christmas time last year my daughter told me she’d been back in contact with her dad and wanted to start seeing him again my son also said this. She is impulsive and moved quite quickly saying her dad had changed and he was much better. So she started sleeping there a few nights a week along with my son.
Since then her behaviour in school has took decline. She’s been suspended 5 times since seeing her dad again. When I challenged her about this she’s totally switched on me, called me every name under the sun and ran off to her dads. She didn’t speak to me for three weeks. And has since said she wants to live there. Her dad lets her go out with friends and have her phone when she’s been suspended. Which I strongly disagree with. We had a family meeting and agreed they needed to be stricter and that my daughter would stay with them 4 nights and us 3 nights per week. When it came to the day she was suppose to come to us she refused. When we’re speaking she has told me negative things about her dad (he smokes weed, leaves her with his wife to go out with friends all the time, and basically acts like a teenager himself).
she agrees he’s not responsible one minute then she’ll switch her opinion and call me names. She says I have other kids and not to worry about her, I’m a selfish b**ch and she hates me. I had her young, and I’ve made mistakes like everyone but I’ve solely provided for her, her whole life. Always put her first, she has everything she wants/needs, always made time for her. She’s heard a lot more yes’ than no’s.
Her dad and I had a huge argument yesterday and he said his life was better and he was a lot happier without the kids in it. My daughter heard this and was heart broken. She slept at ours and I left her relax in her room. Then she woke up this morning and has went back to him. My son is standing strong and doesn’t want anything to do with his dad at this point.
im at a loss of what to do at this point, my mental health is rock bottom. My children mean everything to me and this has been and still continues to be extremely painful. My family suggest to let her go and see what it’s like for herself and she will come back when she realises the grass isn’t greener.
This is difficult as her schooling is suffering.
do you agree with this? Any advice would be appreciated.