What are other 12 year olds like emotionally and behaviourally?

[Winkinn]

What are your 12 year olds like?

Mine can be happy, almost manic, joyful, chatty, exuberant, loving and playful and in the blink of an eye completely turn inward and stare vacantly at the wall, flat as a pancake and barely able to muster an answer to a question….
She also can be very emotional, tearful, shaky, anxious, panicky… sometimes scratch herself with overwhelm.

I’m taking her to a see psychologist for adhd/autism assessment but I’m worried it’s something more than that…

she’s always been up and down but nothing as extreme until now.

Any advice or thoughts very welcome 🙏

I have 2 (twins) and goodness me they can be hardwork now.

One seemed to have all the negatives associated with teenage hood appear together overnight. He can ignore polite requests, be rude and argumentative and messy with everything. He’s also had issues with his behaviour in the past few weeks at school (Y7). However, within seconds he can be like his younger self - polite, sweet, thoughtful and kind - wanting a cuddle and to tell me about something that had happened in his day.

I’m hoping it’s ‘just’ a short lived phase and that the consequences and boundaries we are putting in place will prevent things worsening.

The second twin is still much younger emotionally and hasn’t gone through a semi-personality-transplant in the past few months.

Its hard on the kids being 12 - so much pressure at school and from their mates - we’re trying not to add to it too much at home.

@Winkinn
That sounds really difficult, both for your daughter and for you as a parent.
I think it's important to remember that ADHD and autism can sometimes come with intense emotional regulation difficulties, anxiety, overwhelm, and what can look like dramatic shifts in mood. When someone is struggling to process everything around them, they can go from being energetic and chatty to completely shutting down quite quickly.
Because you've noticed a change in intensity, it's definitely worth discussing all of this with the psychologist. Try to give them as many specific examples as you can, including when these episodes happen, how long they last, and whether there seem to be any triggers.
You're doing the right thing by seeking an assessment rather than trying to figure it all out on your own. If you're looking for information while you wait, Autism Detect has some useful resources on autism, emotional dysregulation and the assessment process.
I hope you get some answers soon.

Twelve can be such a tricky age emotionally, and hormones, friendships, school pressures and neurodivergence can all play a part. That said, it sounds as though you're noticing some significant ups and downs, so I think it's sensible that you're seeking professional input. I just wanted to say that you sound very observant and supportive, and your daughter is fortunate to have someone paying such close attention to how she's feeling.