Struggling with my two year old and feeling overwhelmed

[Janiem1990]

Hi all,
I am new here and just really need someone to talk to and maybe some words of wisdom.
I had my 1st baby when I was early 40s. She is now 2 and half years old and I feel like I am having a breakdown (Somedays more than others)
No matter what I do she doesn't listen to me. It can be out at the store or even in the house and it just seems like she ignores me constantly.
Now dont get me wrong I know she is still a baby but I would have thought by this age she would at least listen some of the time.
I do suffer from depression, anxiety and panic attacks so I know that won't be helping matters either but I just can't seem to see it getting any better.
Any kind of help/advice/positivity would be great as I feel like I am completely useless. ❤️

I have a just turned two year old and she has no impulse control whatsoever and rarely listens. I think it’s normal but I try and stay consistent and hopefully it will eventually click. I found that out and about backpack reigns have helped she feels like she has freedom but she doesn’t really.

I think you might need to adjust your expectations and also
pick your battles. What examples of when she doesn’t listen?

Deep breath and break it down into bits.

Listening is a skill.... shes still learning it.

My 4yr often just zones out.

Equally some kids are bolters. We had reigns for this reason.

You need to test small tactics that you compound and build on

So stack little changes and then you see real change.

Also shes 2.5.....its tough though.
Can you give specifics?

If it's essential safety stuff, like running around near cars, I'm afraid I am strict, consistent and will put up with a LOT of screaming. Run off when I told you to hold my hand because there are cars? Carted off over my shoulder like a sack of potatoes. We had one holiday as a family of running off and not holding hands on the pavement at 16 months. It was a tricky week, lots of tears from the baby and some from me! We did consistent implementation of the sack of potatoes method because talking about it did not work - too little to understand. Toddler is now, eight months on, much much better about this.

We still have battles about being safe on the stairs, I try to implement immediate consequences. Playing on the stairs when told not to? Well we can't go and see the rabbits on the way to the big Tesco shop now. Etc.

I have a 2 year old too. Firstly, pick your battles. Secondly, when you say something, MEAN IT. Example: if we have to leave, we leave. I tell mine we have to leave after we do X thing, so he knows what to expect which I find helps a lot. Pick him up, if he screams, he screams. Etc.

My mum minds him a lot and I notice she tells him to do something 1000s of times but she doesn't follow through because she doesn't want to upset him. So he gives zero fucks, he just tunes her out.

Thanks everyone for your replies.
I am very straight with her and for example if I say we are going home we are going home. She kicks off but she is just picked up and put into the car while screaming the place down.
It's more so at home. I literally can tell her not to do something 20 times in a row but yet she still keeps doing it.
My anxiety goes through the roof, I end up shouting and then I feel guilty 😔

Also I've got several pairs of reigns and even got a wrist strap and all end up with her screaming her head off and me never getting anywhere as i take her back home

Hi Op,

I mean this kindly and without judgement…if what your doing isn’t working and is causing to feel so awful then you need to reassess what you are doing.

sometimes toddlers don’t listen and they don’t do what we ask them to do. You need to forget about ‘winning’ and think is this important?

for example - she throws a bit of apple on the floor you ask her to pick up the apple she refuses. Do you insist she picks up the apple or do you stop asking. Then half an hour later when she’s moved on say ‘okay games now let’s pick up the apple’ likelihood is she will pick up the apple because the focus is no longer just the apple but you’ve stuck to your boundary of - if we throw food on the floor we pick it up.

think also about your reactions. Children feed off our energy.

It’s the terrible twos, called that for a reason!
She is testing your boundaries, learning a bit of independence and seeing what she can get away with!
Consistency is key, and you sound like you are doing great.
Trust me, in a few years time you will look back on this time and regard it fondly…hard to see right now though x
I look after 4 two year olds four days a week (childminder) it’s a wonderful age but also absolutely exhausting at times…but my god are they just adorable when not kicking off x

I'm going to say it you need to find your fun a bit and also try and stay mellow (easier said than done!)

I turn most things into a game (or a race) or add a fake bribe (i often use lunch which we need to go home anyway... "5 more minutes then we can go get yummy pasta!!!") Or want to go home and watch a bluey?

"Can you show me you can get in the car by yourself?"

I tell them no once maybe twice then remove the item or stand infront of the cupboard door they are trying to bang repeatedly and continue to prep food or Move them into a new room.
"Oh you cant play nicely with x? nevermind..! we will put it away and try tomorrow! Want to play with x instead?"

Good luck it gets easier.