Single mum guilt when weekends are fun and weekdays feel rushed

[Clmtxxx]

How are we dealing with single mum guilt?

My son was with his dad friday-sunday. He came home so late I had to rush him to the bath and bed, and as it's Monday today, had to rush him up to get ready and go to work!!

I feel like I haven't seen him or spend any quality time with him, just been a military mama. He is only 2.

To make things worse, he met his dads new(ish) girlfriend on the weekend and kept mentioning her, whilst refusing to give me a cuddle at bedtime and I thought maybe hes not wanting to cuddle me because Im just so task focused and not taking time to just hang out with him? It was already 8.30pm at this point!

Hes going to be spending weekends with her involved enjoying and having fun, and then with me for all the weekday rush here there and everywhere bits.

😭 The guilt is so real. I feel like the responsible parent whilst his dad and new partner gets all the best bits.

What if my son prefers to be with them and I lose my special bond with him.

His dad was emotionally and psychologically abusive to me throughout the relationship so I am also baffled how they are going strong after 10 months and now doing introductions. It makes it all so much more frustrating.

See I think you just don’t realise it doesn’t matter to him, with you he has security. It could be hard to see it but especially given how young he is, if you just do the odd fun thing he’ll forget about the non stop weekend fun (which to be fair don’t be what they’re having, 2year olds are difficult!). Just remember to take time to enjoy him yourself. Sorry you’re going through this

That’s not guilt, OP, that’s resentment at your ex playing Disney Dad while you get the weekday gruntwork. Can’t you vary the residency schedule so you get some weekends? It’s pretty unusual for any child, especially one so young, to be at the NRP’s every single weekend.

It sounds like you need to change around your contact days. He shouldn’t have him every weekend. And he should be returning him earlier on Sunday (6pm?) so he’s ready to get in the bath for a normal bedtime. Unless he works away during the week, there’s no reason he can’t do part of the week and share weekends.

Also turn this around as an opportunity. If he has him 2 weekends a month, then you also have 2 weekends a month to focus on yourself and getting done everything that needs doing for the week so that you aren’t having to rush around. Get all your cooking done on the Sunday and the cleaning. Then you can devote your full attention to him after nursery. That’s a luxury a lot of parents don’t have who have their children with them 100% of the time. Make it work to his advantage.

He goes to his dad every other weekend. Our weekends are usually visiting family etc. which I think Im going to have to put my foot down with a bit.

Resentment, but also guilt that my son deserves more from me as during the week we dont get much quality time together as I work

He moved and now lives 20 miles away so he cannot have any weekday time. We do have alternate weekends. He should have been home by 5.30 but apparantly there was traffic so ended up coming home at stupid o'clock.

Im just feeling bad that I havent connected much with my son since he came home

20 miles is nothing? Why can’t he do Thursday after nursery to Monday nursery drop off EOW?

Because to get from north london to south London and back after work means my son doesnt get to bed until 9pm. 20 miles is very far with london traffic and full time jobs

whilst your son is with his dad get as much of your week day admin does as possible.

Do the food shop, cook some meals up for the week.

Do your washing and ironing for any clothes you know you’ll need for work/nursery etc.

Have bags packed Sunday afternoon ready for Monday morning for work/nursery.

Basically try and do any job that you can that would otherwise be done during the week. It may not spare up much but it will be something. Even if it’s just an extra half hour trip to the park after work or a few extra stories before bedtime in the evening.

I already do this (never get a rest ha ha!) but an extra story before bed seems a good idea. I guess I need to focus on the little things to make our time special as opposed to the big days out his dad gets

I did wonder if it was London, that’s rubbish. Is he collecting him on a Friday evening after nursery at least?

The alternative is you switch to him being the primary parent or moving to live closer to him, both of which are huge upheavals.

I drop him friday morning, he brings him back sunday night.

I would not move closer to him and leave our family. He is the one who chose to move. And never would he be primary parent 😂🫣

It is what it is I just need a good rant sometimes and a bit of reassurance

Definitely all about the little things and making the every day a little more magical.

As they get older, when you have movie night you could spend time making tickets and posters together (or setting him up at the table to do it so you have 5 minutes free) have popcorn in movie style pots and bring down the duvet from upstairs.

After nursery/school pick up randomly have spontaneous trips to the park with a picnic or go swimming and have McDonald’s as a treat.

We can get so stuck into routine and not wanting to break it that we forget that we have the power to switch things up and make life a little exciting here and there.

Your DS will know that you have his back and you are his security.

I would be getting him to have him for his 4/5 weeks annual leave though getting in the habit before he goes to school.