Need advice on discipline for 2 year old

[Lottiefranks]

Hi everyone,

I just smacked my 2 year old for hitting his sister with a toy and I feel heart sick and terrible about it. I reacted in anger and panic. Here’s the context (not that it makes it any better):

He has hit her three times today once with hands, once with a toy and the last occasion when I lost my cool was he threw a toniebox figure at her head. She was screaming in pain, big bruise and fierce red mark right on the temple. I rushed over and upon realisation of what had happened I smacked him. I never have before, I could cry I’m so disappointed but I’m also so ANGRY about his behaviour.

I tended to my daughter, ice pack etc - put him in his cot crying and went back to see to my daughter. Once she had calmed, I went back into him - got him out the cot, apologised, explained what we had both done was wrong and then took him to apologise to his sister.

I need help and suggestions of discipline - he is a really boisterous boy, very handsy and dressing/nappy change, teeth brushing it’s all a fight - I’m drained. Usual misbehaviour I’ve tried time out, taking things away - he just moves on to the next, doesn’t seem to care and so destructive - time out ends up in let’s demolish this room/space. Please what can I do to discipline and teach.

4 and scared of him to be honest.

How old are both of them?

It may be that you need a very good playpen.

Perhaps you need to watch like a hawk, intervene and loads and loads of praise for any tiny bit of behaviour you want modelled. No comments on the poor behaviour. Are you accidentally rewarding the unwanted behaviour with him getting your attention.

Well, you obviously know that you don't teach a child not to hit by hitting them! You lost your temper because you were angry and, while understandable, you know you want to guard against anything like that happening again.

Your 2 year old's behaviour is pretty normal, if unpleasant. Lots of children this age hit out and it usually lessens when they are more verbal and able to express themselves in other ways. The best course of action is firmly saying 'no hitting' and removing him from the fun for a short while, either in another room, his cot or playpen. Then giving your attention and fuss over the injured party. After a short time out, bring him back in, remind him we don't hit and that's that. Repeat as necessary.

In the short term, you need to be watching him closely if he is playing with his sister and pre-empt any hitting if you can. Also, you might want to remove any toys that are capable of causing injury for the time being.

People who say 'it doesn't work' to discipline in this way are often missing the point - it takes many many repetitions to socialise a child before they start to get it and consistency is key. You won't see the results straight away.

Should have kept them apart today after the first and certainly the second incident.

Not really possible as I was parenting alone yesterday.