Burnt out with clingy 10 month old

[Daisieblues]

Hi everyone.

I have a nearly 10 month old baby and am feeling very burnt out.

She’s EBF, will only co sleep and contact nap. I spend most days holding her as she hates to be put down e.g in her play pen. We do get out to groups and things which helps, she’s quite chilled when we go out but still wants me close.

Dad is good but works 9-6/7pm most days. He will cook tea and wash up, but I end up holding baby while he does this a lot of the time as she gets fussy. He does also take her for an hour in the morning to give her breakfast while I sleep until about 8. He doesn’t help with nights as I’m breastfeeding, she won’t take expressed milk or dummy, never has. On his days off I still end up holding her most of the time as she’s fussy. Or he’s doing some sort of odd job like weeding the front garden 🤣. I can give her to my mom about 1x a week and she’s happy but won’t go to mother in law as she just cries.

Any advice, I am at breaking point.

Hi, all my babies were exactly the same - couldn’t be put down, EBF, none of them would take a dummy. I know everyone says it but a proper sling/wrap is a lifesaver (can’t remember the brand of the one I used to use now as it was 10 years ago - if you join babyearing groups online you’ll find the best ones, I should imagine).
Then, as long as I kept moving, 😅 she was happy. Which I know isn’t ideal, but it meant I could get jobs done (even cooking and cleaning as baby was on my back by then).
It’s really overwhelming, but you’re doing great. What also helped me was constant reading up on just how bloody good it is for every aspect of the babies development to be held and carried so much. At my low points at least I could tell myself I’m doing the absolute best thing. Hang in there

Thank you for your advice 😊

No advice OP but I’m right there with you, DS just turned 10 months and I can’t seem to get even a minute to breathe. Also EBF, he’s currently feeding on me while trying to ram his finger inside my belly button and I can feel myself getting touched out 😂

I feel these are the joys of motherhood no one warns you about 🤣 glad to know I’m not alone 😅

Mum and baby fitness classes

It’s hard, especially with a clingy baby, but ultimately you could have years of this especially if you have than one DC so you need to find a way to get a balance. Clingy baby becomes clingy toddler then clingy sibling. Do you get any time to yourself? Go out and do something without baby and your DH will manage.what’s your plan for work and nursery, will baby be starting settling sessions soon? It was when my DCs started nursery that they both stopped contact napping.

Ohh I remember those days … they were tough the overstimulation was tough

On your DH’s days off give her to him and leave the house even to go sit in your car, sit in a cafe sit on a bench with music on . She will just have to get used to Dad

At home start by making a play space you stay in there put the wiggles on sing and relax and play with her toys and then hopefully day be day you should start to be able to move away as she get settled playing

As much as it’s shit the fact she wants you means you are doing an awesome job create a safe place for her.

Ok. Maybe you don’t like this answer but based on the description of your routine and situation with DH I would consider getting a playpen and start it sitting in it with her and gradually moving out of it.
It is also a safe place to put her when you need to out her down and do something. She may cry. That’s ok. If you are there and she can see you 5 minutes or so of crying isn’t going to damage her.
2nd and 3rd babies cry more because they have to wait for things due to the other siblings. They grow up totally fine:
If your DH gets weekends off then he could take her out for 1-2 hours while you get a break or you go out and she is with him. She will be ok without you and it will be good for her and him to have 1:1 time together. He will cope. She may cry but that’s ok.
It’s up to you about co sleeping but I would start if wean off the contact napping. It’s a habit and not a necessity. But it is tricky to get out of.
But as you mentioned you are at breaking point.
It’s ok if she cry’s with mil. She will stop crying. Maybe try again.
Have you tried baby wearing? With her in your back? It’s a way to get on with things without having her in your arms. I did that quite a lot when mine were little. As they get older we graduated to a hiking carrying baby carrier. You can strap them in snuggly.

Also no advice but I could have written this myself. Currently with our 3rd child (9 months old) Velcro baby. Co-sleep, breastfed, will only contact nap. Will scream if not being held by me. I feel like I can’t get anything done.

if it’s any solice, having done this twice before, it really doesn’t last forever. We’re literally right around the corner from them toddling off (and still being a Velcro baby most of the time!) and from there they just get more and more independent.
and having such a secure strong connection with us is so beneficial for them.
I wish my former Velcro baby still wanted to be held and cuddled all the time; but at 10 he’s too cool for all of that now he says (although will give me a quick cuddle if no one is watching!)
so I’m trying to enjoy every moment (even if it’s still hard sometimes)

Also agree with previous posters a sling/carrier is a lifesaver and means I can at least get a bit done or whilst I run around with my older two.

Thank you we have done a few classes like this so will keep at it

I don’t get much time alone at all no. She will be starting nursery in a couple of months so hopefully that will help🤞

Thank you’ve we’ve got a play pen but could definitely use it more. I really appreciate your kind words ☺️

I appreciate you taking the time to reply. I definitely need to start increasing her independence a bit, I’ve fell into a bit of a trap of the path of least resistance with it all. We’ve got a sling, I’m thinking of trying it as a backpack as it is a 3 in 1, or trying a ring sling maybe? She is getting really heavy to keep carrying with no support 😅

you are right. On the odd occasion she doesn’t need me, like when she goes off with my mom she’s happy as Larry, I do find it a bit bittersweet 🤣

I think we’ve had to lower or standards a bit. It’s so hard trying to get everything done isn’t it. Thank you for your reply 😊

No advise just solidarity, I now have a 5 year old who adores her dad and relatives. I was her entire world for the early years and it was HARD.
In hindsight I've have left her with DH a bit more, and let her whimper a bit when I was cooking etc. A loved, watched child wouldnt have been damaged by that.

It’s good to hear from people in the same position as when I go out everyone’s babies seem so much more chill 😅 I’m sure it’s not the case.

You have to let her just cry sometimes. I know it’s hard but they have to get used to other people. It seems really at odds to say you won’t give her to MIL because she’ll cry but you’re contemplating nursery…

Securely attached children thrive and blossom in a village. Get her used that village now.

Thank you for your reply. I am worried about nursery tbh with how she’s reacted at mother in laws house.I am happy to leave her with mother in law, but I think she’s getting a bit disheartened by it.