12 year old boy not cleaning properly after going to the toilet

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Hi, I’m looking for some advice please. My 12 year old son sometimes doesn’t wipe his bottom after going to the toilet and ends up with dirty pants. My husband is concerned that there is something more going on as he feels that a 12 year old boy should be capable of wiping properly.

My son is quite capable, but he is so focussed on reading his book, or getting to where to he needs to be, he’s so absent minded. This comes across in all areas of his life - he forgets to do everything other than the current focus, whether it’s a book, a game, etc.

I’ve spoken to LS at school and they have no concerns.

My husband is adamant we should be phoning the Dr, but I feel it’s just an absent minded boy, who will grow out of it.

Does anyone have any advice or thoughts on whether I should be contacting the dr?

Thank you for your help.

No, at 12 years old this is not typical behaviour…

Have you spoken to him? What have you done about it so far?

Thank you for replying. I’ve spoken to him about to understand why, and spoken to LS. It’s not everyday - it’s maybe once every couple of weeks and he has wiped, just not properly. He says that he hasn’t realised he’s not cleaned properly.

Hmm, thank you - maybe I do need to speak to the Dr to see if something else is going on. I might try wipes as well, to see if that helps.

Not wipes, get a spray! It turns your normal TP into a wipe. Much better for the environment

Good idea, thank you!

In my opinion it is just laziness… ask him consistency of poos - if runny all the time then yes seek medical help. However, I’ve found with boys they go from being minging to having five showers a day (ok exaggeration) once puberty is in full swing. Encourage him to do his poo before his shower. Have a frank conversation with him about why it’s gross and if you keep finding yucky pants treat it like how you’d usually punish normal bad behaviour (less pocket money, no screen etc etc) . Worked here. (Mum of boys)

Don’t bother your doctor with this. Have a frank conversation with your son.

Do ypu know the consistency of his poos? He may struggle (but NO excuse) if they ate particularly soft.

But IMHO you are being too relaxed about this. The results poo-y pants aren't acceptable.

Thank you so much everyone, you’ve cemented my opinion. Frank conversation and consequences - really appreciate it. (No issues with poo - it’s not runny, constipated, etc.).

You could probably say quite truthfully that he won’t be able to go on sleepovers, school residentials, scout camp etc. until he can practice basic self care because those are not places where he can clean up himself and presumably his soiled clothes due to lack of facilities, also the embarrassment of his mates finding out.

My DS has just been diagnosed with DCD (aka Dyspraxia) and often struggles to wipe himself properly - but he always tries to.

The Occupational Therapist and paediatrician said it’s surprisingly common to struggle with wiping properly well onto teen years, but it’s just not talked about because no one wants to admit that their child still has skids (putting it bluntly) in their pants post age 10.

I would try and really work out whether he is trying to wipe but it’s not being very effective, or just can’t be bothered. If he is taking a book/phone/tablet into the bathroom then I would put a stop to that now. If you catch him in the toilet then perhaps hover outside and call to remind him to wipe. With DS I will tell him to wipe, flush, then sit down and wipe again to be sure. He is getting much better but the DCD means it’s not as good as it should be (we are seeing an OT soon as they can show him techniques and exercises to help with this).

If it is only once every 2 weeks I wouldn’t be too concerned. The odd skid mark in a teenager pants is not that unusual.If it was regularly ,ie daily then I would mention it.

Does he take his phone in there with him

Do you make him scrub out his dirty pants? I would. Might be a good reminder to him to do an extra wipe or two instead of having to scrub out shit from his clothes.

When my DD went through a phase of not wiping thoroughly I’d tell her that her bum stinks (I could smell that she hadn’t wiped properly) and go back and wipe properly. She got very embarrassed and after a few times of that she’s been better and I haven’t sent her back to the toilet for a while now.

if it’s not every single time then yes a frank convo and consequence as it’s unhygienic. I wouldn’t contact a HCP about it.

i think this is quite common among grubby younger teens!

Are you sure he’s not wiping properly or trying to hold it too long before going to the toilet? I think when gaming my son used to try and put off going to the toilet and it would happen then.

Unless there are other concerns then I wouldn’t bother a doctor. Although the shame of that conversation might make him take more care!

Have a very frank convo about how if you can smell his stinky arse then his friends can too.
We did this with our 5 year old who wasn't washing well and also our 10 year old who still bed wets and would lie about it or about whether he'd had a shower.
No one wants to be the smelly kid. We all knew one.