I don’t really know what I’m looking for here—advice, reassurance, a reality check—but I need to get this off my chest.
I have a 14-month-old baby, and since he was born, my husband and I have not had sex once. Not once. The only sexual contact we’ve had was one blowjob.
Whenever I bring it up, he doesn’t seem to think it’s a problem. He says it’s just because we have a small child and we’re both busy, but I don’t buy that anymore. Our baby is 14 months old. I know having children changes things, but I can’t help feeling that this isn’t normal.
I’ll be honest: I’ve put on weight since having the baby. I’m not the same size I was before pregnancy, and although I’m trying to lose it, I’m not where I’d like to be yet. I feel really unattractive. He never initiates anything, doesn’t touch me affectionately, and I can’t remember the last time I felt desired by him.
What makes it harder is that he goes out with friends to bars in central London, and soon he’s going away on a boys’ golf trip for a few days. I know this could just be my insecurity talking, but I can’t stop wondering if he sees women he’s attracted to and just doesn’t feel that way about me anymore. I hate that my mind goes there, but after over a year of no physical intimacy, it’s hard not to question everything.
I feel rejected, lonely, and honestly like shit. I miss feeling close to my husband. I miss feeling wanted.
Has anyone else gone through something similar after having a baby? Did things improve? How did you address it when one partner didn’t even seem to think there was a problem?