How do parents support teens through difficult friendship drama at school?

[Mrssweary]

How are parents of teens, especially girl teens coping with the dramas that emerge from school?
Going through one now, it’s getting a bit tiresome.
back story, my child’s friend found themselves in a very grown up awful situation, and the police had to get involved, the friend is now trying to control my child by accusing her of talking about the sensitive subject in school to fellow peers but my child has only ever stuck up for the friend by telling others to stop talking about it, My child last night received some really harsh accusing texts via social media from them, they went on and on ,by pure intimidation my child was texting back saying sorry for something she shouldn’t be sorry for in my eyes .she’s been nothing but kind and supportive to this friend. The friend is either shouting and accusing her or she’s being really needy towards my child.
So my child is now standing in tears in my bedroom not understanding what she’s done to deserve such unfair treatment from this so called friend and is telling me she doesn’t want to go to school anymore because she can’t cope with the upset.

I have basically said just distance yourself from this person online and in school, take a break , you’ve done nothing wrong you stuck up for them when everyone else was talking about them but for some reason they are taking it out on you instead of seeing what a supportive friend you are, Ive said you’re only 14 and the situation that’s happened is a very grown up and a very serious one and you shouldn’t have to be her counsellor and constantly be walking on eggshells around her.

but of course it’s always so easy to say as a parent isn’t it
I know this happens all the time in schools,
I just don’t know what to do or say for best.
Anyone had a situation like this before?

I think you’ve handled it perfectly. You’ve stated that your child has been a great friend and has been accused of something she hasn’t done. She does need to distance herself from this person.
I would also tell her that the friend may well be quite traumatised by what’s happened and people often lash out to those closest to them even if they haven’t done a thing wrong. That doesn’t excuse her behaviour but it may well explain it.

I had two teenager DDs and there were often dramas between 13 and 16. I always tried to make them see the bigger picture, that these kind of things happened and to also plan a treat with Dd so she had something to look forward to.

Good luck, it isn’t nice for you either having to deal with this.

Why on earth would you call the police? How ridiculous.

I didn’t call them. My child’s friend found herself in a situation that needed police involvement. This did not involve my child.

Apologies I misread your post. No need to be rude though.

Friendship dramas in the teenage years are tiresome - I think all you can do is encourage your daughter to stand up for herself and to distance from this particular friend if she's being unkind. Maybe remove daughter's phone for a bit to give her a break from all the social media & messaging, instead take her out to do something else and take her mind off it. Make it clear to your daughter that school is important and staying off because of friendship dramas is not an option. If the situation escalates into what you would consider bullying of your daughter, speak to her head of year.

Given the sensitive nature, is it worth having a conversation with the other parent to try and resolve?

i have thought this, but I don’t want to make it worse , my problem is I’m short tempered and I’d probably come across as a complete idiot if I did speak to them as I’d probably get upset and flustered because constructing a sentence in my head wouldn’t come out as I had planned it, I also don’t really want to keep bring up what happened with their child up as I think this is fanning the flames with the whole situation at school. I think I’m going to just have to watch from the sidelines and only step in if necessary. Trying to be supportive but not to supportive is so difficult

Thanks for great advice. It’s my first and last time being a mum so trying to navigate these teen years are especially hard going.

I just don't think this is normal teen conflict. It sounds like it needs some calm adults to navigate it for them. Good luck with it all