Is 2.5 years a manageable age gap?

[mamarug]

Hi, just wondering if any mums with around a 2.5 age gap between their LOs can share their thoughts on how manageable it is. Obviously so much depends on the individual children, but I would be interested to hear what it was like from a logistical perspective (ie coordinating naps, feeding, activities, putting 2 kids to bed etc.). DS hasn't been the easiest of babies and still doesn't sleep that well at 18 months. I'm at home with him full time and don't plan on putting him into nursery anytime soon. Neither DH nor I have any family in the UK and the few friends we have here don't have kids, so we don't have much support. Am I mad contemplating another so soon?!!

Ours are 2.2 years apart and the first year was quite hardgoing.

Coordinating naps - forget it. Unless you are incredibly lucky it wont happen very often.

Feeding - ok, as long as you get DS used to feeding himself before baby comes along.

Activities - Depends how much you want to do. We did not go to loads of classes or playgroups. Anywhere we went to with DD, we had to take DS too. That was not so hard as he slept or lay in his pram, giving me time to spend with DD. We did a lot of going to zoo/playparks etc.

Bedtime - Again, depends on the DCs. I used to put DS down in the cot in our room then put DD to bed so that I had time to read her bedtime story.

It is a lot of organisation and it is quite hard work, especially if you do not have much support. See if you can find a babysitter who would be able to take your Ds to the swings occasionally or go out for a walk with baby to give you a bit of a breather.

Saying that, DS is now 4 and DD 6yo and it is great that they are close in ages. They play really well together, and have done since DS was about 20mths old. They love each other to bits.

Just this morning we wakened to the sound of them giggling in DD's bed. DD was the clever little mouse and DS was a turnip that she was pulling out of the ground.

Well that is the age gap between me and my younger sister (me Oct, her April). I think it's quite reasonable. We played together lots but had a healthy 2 years clear between us in school.

My own kids are close together, and it's quite do-able if a bit intense at first. The nearer they are, the more they will play with each other and enjoy the same activities. Don't let fear of the first year dictate your whole family life for the next 18 years.

Hmmm
I had 2.3 between my two and it has not been easy. Dd1 was a very easy baby, slept brilliantly always and was very good at entertaining herself. We kept being told 'you won't get another one like her' and they were right! The problem with two under threes is the dc1 is in full terrible twos when dc2 is born and it's obviously made a lot worse by the new arrival. Until you've had a toddler you can't know what a head fry they can be and coping with one of them and a newborn is quite tough. I had support too - though dh was away for most of dd2's early months which didn't help at all.
DD2 was a much, much, more difficult baby than DD1 which didn't help at all, she is 13 months now and still extremely clingy and it's bloomin' hard trying to tend to both their needs. DD1 went to nursery when she was 2.6 and that was a sanity saver having her there four mornings a week, if I were you I definitely would have your ds settled in one by the time the newborn arrives. Coordinating naps - never really happened as dd2 is a rubbish napper and dd1 was growing out of her midafternoon nap by the time she arrived (plus she'd made so much racket being put down that she'd wake dd2 up).
Bathtime, bedtime very - ahem - challenging initially, basically dc2 gets left to cry quite a lot while you deal with dc1's needs. Feeding at the moment feel like a restaurant having to cook separate things for both of them as dd2 is a much better eater than dd1 and I can't let her be stuck with dd1's monotonous and restricted diet.
Dd1 was very jealous of dd2 despite my tryng to prepare her for the birth, think it's a bad age gap as they're old enough to know their world is rocked forever but too young to in any way comprehend why you've given them a sibling and possible advantages
HOWEVER on the bright side 13 months in they are starting to be friends, giggle together, play together (for five minutes then dd1 goes into meltdown because dd2 is eating her toy or whatever). I can finally see it might one day be payback time ...
Sorry to be so negative but it is very hard. No doubt the next poster will tell you it's easy peasy but I haven't found it so. With no family around and few friends with kids my instinct would be to leave it until ds is at school and you'd have all your energies to concentrate on dc2. Friends who have left a bigger gap really do appear to have an easier time of it. Good luck whatever you choose

DS1 was 2.4 years when DS2 was born 4 months ago. I'm actually finding it has eased up already for me.
At 2.4 DS1 was just about able to speak fairly clearly and make himself understood which saved a lot of tantrums and frustration as I could exlain things to him and reassure his worries a lot easier. He is also quite interested in the baby and loves to shout 'BOO' at him, which DS2 is well used to by now and laughs when he does it lol
DS1 dropped his day time naps before he hit 2 so no naps to co-ordinate.
Activities are all fine. We like to get out and about quite a lot and we got back into the swing of things within 2 or 3 weeks of DS2 being born. We go to Surestart groups and other toddler groups and there are plenty of Mums there with little babies too so they are welcomed. Plus DS2 is generally pretty good at groups as there is so much to watch!
Bedtime was and is th hardest part I have found.
I struggled with keeping both happy in the bath/bed time hour for a couple of months really. After that I started bathing both boys together which made that easier. Plus DS2 is now a bit bigger so not doing the feeding lots and colcky crying lots in the evenings so he is ok to either sit with us feeding while I read bedtime stories or to lie in his cot watching his mobile.
I think its a good age gap! Am looking forward to when they are both a bit older and play together!

Forgot to add that if your Dh/DP can get home from work in time for bath time then that will help immensly!
Plus I have found that although DS2 is a harder baby than DS1 ever was, I am so much more relaxed about parenting and more confident I guess so it hasnt fazed me anywhere near as much as it would have if DS1 had been like it (iyswim!)

20 months bwtween my two .

Nap time - never really cordianted in the early days - however my trick was to take them out in the car after lunch , both would fall asleep , I would park up in the local aprk and have a nap myself !

As the months progressed DS2 had an afternoon anp and me and Ds1 would have a cuddle on the settee watching CBBebbeis , whilst I had a nap !

Feeding - well , DS1 was fedding himself , unforutnaeyl DS2 had reflus and weening him was a night mare . Poor pold DS1 was left to it I'm afraid at meal times as I was mopping up the sick .

Putting kids to bed - when DS2 came along his bedtime routine was tweeked abit to fit round baby. They had baths togther etc. DH not normally home for bathtime etc so had to manage . Be flexible !

Activites - DS2 spent alot of time in car seat when DS1 went to his Tumble Tots , swimming , music etc . DS2 didn't do half the stuff that DS1 did !

When DS2 was approaching three he then went to playgrouo 3 times a week so thimgs eased up a bit.

The are now approaching 6 & 8 yrs and best of mates .

18 months between my 2.

my dd was a really rough ride for the first year of her life, colic, reflux, wouldn't sleep, food intolerances, a fairly stroppy baby in general.

if i'd let fear of another like her hold me off i would have missed out on seeing what great friends her and ds are now. they're so close and play really well together (most of the time ). they like the same toys, books, tv, play with the same friends. it's all so easy

they never napped together because dd tried to drop her nap from 9 months onwards and after ds was born i didn't have 2 hours a day to pin her down til she dropped off so i've very rarely experianced them both asleep at the same time during the day, they have the same bedtime routine though and have done since ds was a few months old, and they insist on sharing a bedroom!

dd was self feeding well before ds was born and had self weaned from the breast at 12 months so dinner time was always very easy, she ate her dinner and i fed him while i ate. then when he was 6 months i did BLW with him and it's all been a breeze since. we all sit down as a family and eat our meals together.

there's going to be a 2.5 year gap betwwen ds and the new baby and tbh thet seems like a huge gap to me now!

There is 2.6 years between my 2 and its had its ups and downs but its definitely manageable.

I found the worst thing is the tiredness. There's no catching up with sleep while the baby naps during the day! There's a demanding 2 year old to deal with. I tried to spend 'quality' time with ds1 while the baby napped so often did a little activity.
Ds1 gave up his daytime nap at around 2 so there was no break from him! The plus side of that was that he was in bed from 6.30 every night.
Ds2 is sometimes left to cry while ds1 is seen to. Although it can be upsetting, it has to be done unfortunately.

Feeding wise - I give ds2(8m now) whatever ds1 is having but pureed or mashed. I'll feed them at the same time.

If I'm tired and don't feel like battling, I will spend most of the day out (playgroups, libraries, park, friends) and the rest of it with cbeebies on.
As soon as ds2 could sit up, activities got easier as he would be happy to sit on his own with some toys while I did stuff with ds1.

I usually make sure ds2 is fed etc and then I'll put him in his cot while I get ds2 ready for bed. Ds2 gets put to bed later.

They're already starting to play together to a certain extent. Ds1 loves to make ds2 laugh and ds2 clearly adores ds1. They still need to be watched though as ds1 can turn sometimes and I've caught him trying to hit or bite ds2.

You're not mad at all. Go for it!

I got pregnant when DS was 18 months and have always thought that it is a brilliant gap. DS was quite capable when DD was born, could climb into his carseat, put on his shoes and coat, fetch nappies for me (!!) etc.
He dropped his afternoon sleep when she was 4 months but they did nap at the same time to begin with. After that he would chill out with some milk in front of the telly when she slept - sometimes he would fall asleep and so would I
He was also doing two mornings at nursery which was brilliant. he is a July baby and she is October so they will actually be 3 years apart in school.

20 months on and they get on so well - I love the gap between them.

Wow - I just left the computer to have my supper and, hey presto, 7 incredibly helpful posts on my return! Thank you so much everyone, this is all really very useful information. As I mentioned, I've struggled quite a bit with DS and my gut feeling is that it might be just be too much for me, so it's good to have an idea of what the reality of the first year or so might be like. Thanks again xx

What Squiffy said exactly

My ds is 2 and a half years older than my dd. I was very keen to have this age gap as myself and my brother are the same and have always been quite close (except when we fought like cat and dog ). My ds was a good baby, great sleeper, early talker so quite easy to reason with. My dd is also a great sleeper but with a totally different temperament, much more fiery as befits her red hair! I have never found any issues with the age gap. Ds had given up his naps by the time his sister came along so there was never any question of co-ordination. My ds was not overly busy with activities, just Mums and Tots and swimming. Both of these were easy to manage with a new born.

The downsides? Well for the first 18 months, my lovely ds completely ignored his sister. He would recoil if she happened to touch him and seemed determined to deny she existed. He was never nasty or violent, just completely apathetic. It was very very weird to see as he is such a friendly little chap normally. But, thankfully, once his sister decided she would not be ignored, he and she seem to have forged a fantastic bond. He is very protective, playful and loving and they have great fun together (as well as fighting like cat and dog!). The other thing that strikes me as a downside for dd is that she has often been very much dragged around due to my and ds' routine. But as she is getting older, that is changing as she develops activities and routines of her own. And, I guess that is always the case with the second child.

Anyway, in conclusion, I think it is a great age gap and has worked well for us. My ds will be 5 in Sept and dd was 2 in Feb.

Just thought I would add that here in Germany it is not common to bath the DCs every night so bedtimes were actually not so stressful for us. I used to bath DS during the day, DD loved helping me.

Kinder, my husband has germanic ancestry which must be why I don't bathe my dcs nightly either!

2.4 between my 2. Wasn't easy for perhaps first 6 months, but then would it ever be with a newborn. Now they're great friends & I think the age gap is perfect.

ds was just old enough to have some idea of what it meant to have a new sister & the need to look after a new baby etc etc. We didn't have much jealousy either.

I used to love our special time together when dd slept - we did crafty stuff and painting etc - any smaller a gap and we might not have been able to have this one on one time as he too would have been napping.

I think the hardest thing was being pregnant with a difficult toddler, though, so have been determined to leave it a little longer before dc3.

2 years gap is ideal, I think. The elder child is moving out of needing nappies etc, can walk, can communicate easily, won't need a pram, is easy re. feeding, probably has established rotines- you can do it all again with no.2 and use no.1s still fairly new clothes, equipment and toys.

2 years 8 months between my girl and boy. Worked well for us. DD was just about out of nappies when DS came along. She was also a good talker and we could explain to her a bit about how life would change when we had another person in our family.

At the same time, they are not so far apart in age that they can't enjoy the same activities, tv programmes etc, causing less stress and arguments in the house. They are growing up together and enjoying themselves. They bath together and share a bedroom etc. I do honestly feel (not just because I've done it myself) that a 2 to 3 year age gap is the best.

I have 2 years 5 days between my ds and dd and found it ideal. DS wasn't potty trained so just a continuation of carrying nappies around.
DD was a lovely easy baby, although first 3 months was hard like any baby but once she slept through, life was much easier. I did find that we could all nap together in the afternoon. If I every fell asleep in the afternoon both dc's would do as well

DS was very jealous for the first few weeks, but he did get over it.
Now they are 10 and 12 they can play together well. DD keeps up with DS and has similar interests and is his match at many games, so although they squabble they do have fun together as well.

Thanks so much for these new and very helpful posts. Great to hear so many positive experiences - it definitely seems that the potential for a close relationship between your LOs is a huge plus.

Thanks Tiredandgrumpy for pointing out the implications of being pregnant with a toddler to look after. I could barely keep anything down for the first 5 months of my pregnancy and had to take quite a bit of time off work, so it might be a bit of a challenge looking after DS if I had a similar experience next time around.

Thanks again everyone

theres 2 years 2 months between our eldest 2 and its worked fab they get on usually, have always shared toys etc and cant remember a time they didnt have each other ds3 came long when they were 7 and 5 and thats harder age gap they dont play together with him they play with him iyswim- deinitely a closer age gap works better imo.

PinkTulips Was a relief reading your post. There's going to be 18 months between my two too and am a bit nervous!