Failed as a mother

[curiousbananas99]

Had my daughters educational psychologist report back and I just feel like I don’t do anything for my daughter I feel like I’ve failed her like she deserves so much better like they said she’s 6 but actually she’s 3 and then something about 98% of her class is ahead of her in terms of speech and work n stuff and I just don’t know what to do cos I do so much for her and it’s not enough

Well does she have additional needs? Have you advocated for her to access the support she needs regarding both health and education? Do you support her physical and mental development at home according to her ability? If yes, then you have not failed her. Failing isn't ensuring your child keeps up with the rest of there are additional needs, failing is putting zero effort in or not trying to support your child.

You haven’t failed her as a mother. You have had her assessed to help her progress.

Were you given any advice on ways you can help her?

How old is your little girl? What areas is she struggling in?

Im sure if you make an appointment with her class teacher they will be happy to give you some ways to help her at home.

And breathe. It sounds like your daughter has some developmental delays (?).

Just because 98% of her class is ahead of her, that doesn't mean you have done anything wrong.

Keep loving your daughter. Talk to the professionals about what your daughter needs to help her grow.

Have a child with SEN can be really challenging, but you need to just focus on her (and on you) and take it one day at a time.

theyve identified her needs as communication and language, they haven’t picked anything else up and haven’t recommend going down the route for anything else. She’s 6, I pay privately for speech and help with other things and whatever else she needs, they haven’t really said much apart from like specific things like apparently she rips her work up which I was unaware of so to like make it seem dead precious etc, she doesn’t stop talking and she’s always asking why and she tries to bribe us and stuff n she uses a lot of stuff we say in the correct context and she’s popular and loves role play and stuff just seems like a normal child but then they said she has the understanding of a 3 year old and I just don’t understand how like how could this happen

I’m sure that you haven’t failed. Parenthood is hard, much more so if your DC has additional needs.

As well as paying for SaLT, have you also applied for an ECHP? If she has the understanding of a 3 year old it sounds as though she will need one

It can happen that a child has a developmental delay, it’s not anything you’ve done necessarily. My DD has excellent expressive language, good vocabulary and very confident in her speech. Her receptive language however is very different, she struggles to understand what people are saying to her and her ability to process is limited - she functions at a much younger age. If you met her you’d think she was fine, but she struggles a lot. As a parent you can get her the appropriate help and support, which you’re doing, unless there’s something you’ve specifically done that has impacted her development (and I don’t think that’s what you’re saying) it’s not your fault or failing.

it sounds as if you need the diagnosis and feedback explained more fully. Who did the assessment? Will school be implementing strategies and support as a result, if so how? Remember she is still the same child as before.

My DD was 5 when school brought in educational psychologist, the school then referred her for autism assessment based on the educational psychologist report, this might be the route your DD school plans to go down.
She was diagnosed with Autism, high anxiety and sensory processing disorder at age 11.
Have you spoken to the school SENCO?
It sounds as though you are quite shocked at the report, does she not display any of these behaviours at home?
is she ripping her work out of frustration or for sensory feedback? I ask because my DD used to rip up paper as she enjoyed the sound/feel.
Have they said why she is like a 3yo? Is it just education she is behind or more like a cognitive delay?

If an EP report has made you feel like this then the EP is failing as an EP. EP assessments are supposed to be supportive, not casting blame. They are there to identify areas of need and possible adjustments, as well as next steps to help your daughter make progress. 6 is very young for an EP report - what next steps has the EP suggested? First step for you is to discuss the report with the EP and next step is to discuss school and the SaLT. She’s 6, you’re way, way ahead in giving her the support she needs to thrive, you’re excelling at being her mother and her advocate.

So now you know, you can be the one pushing to get her some extra help.

The school may not have the resources, money or time to give her as much support as she perhaps needs. So you may have to be the one who helps her or keeps badgering for extra help from school.

These are the questions you need to go back with. I’m sure other pp will think of more.

1. What can I do to help her at home?
2. What are you able to put into place for her at school?
3. Is there anything else that would benefit her, that you can’t provide yet, but she may be able to get if we fill out more paperwork and apply to get for her?

In the mean time she is happy and popular. Focus on that, but be the one giving or pushing for as much help as she can get in the future.