4.5 year old gone so fussy and restrictive with food

[Lillllz99xx]

I know so many parents must be in the same boat but I dont know really anyone with kids! My friends don't have them and my side of the family my 2 are the first kids since me and my brother were kids.

ANYWAY. My 4.5yo has been a bit fussy for a while, usual chicken nuggets chips, loved sweets chocolate (limited this) veg hater but would have a variety of meats cards and sauces etc.

Recently hes gone so restrictive id say. Basically snacking all day. Won't sit and finish a full meal, his breakfast i caved and started giving a scotch pancake (1) with a tiny bit of chocolate spread as it was a breakfast he'd eat. Now hes left half of it said the ends are hard?

The other night got him a mcdoanlds as he used to love a happy meal would eat every crumb. Had 2 or 3 nuggets didnt touch chips.

I am trying to stay calm but I feel like he doesn't like anything anymore but snacks!!!!! He refused tea last night so I gave him a snack plate of a yogurt, rice cakes and baby fruit snacks (he will eat these lol] and he loved that?

Any tips advice please hes very stubborn

Oh just to add he does 3 days at pre school and I get the daily reports

He'll eat there , only leave veg! He has bolegnaise, pasta dishes, meatballs, curry! Roast dinners!!!! Bread and butter (removes meat from sandwich) he wouldn't eat that at home

And will have weeatbix or shreddies for breakfast there. He's stopped that here??

independent kids will fill the box that we give them.

The rules (box) of pre-school is that he gets what they give him and must eat some of it, but they will let him avoid some things, as long as he has eaten a bit... so he pushes that box as far as he can, avoids the veg, but ultimately there are no alternatives and the rules are there, so he eats.

At home, what are the rules? If he doesn't eat, you find something else... the less "healthy" food he eats, the more unhealthy food he is given, so the entire motivation in a little kids mind is "stop eating the stuff I don't like, and my mum will give me nice stuff". Chocolate for breakfast, snacks during the day, and then nuggets for dinner. Great. Clever boy has life absolutely figured out.

The answer is simple. Unless there is a ND type issue (AFRID etc.)

No alternatives. No restricting or changing the family food.

You offer him the healthy meals that you want your family to eat. And that is it. Nothing else. No battle or arguing, if he doesn't want to eat it, fine, but that is all that is on offer. You keep veg on the plate even if he doesn't eat it, and you never restrict or change options for him. The family food is there, and that is it. He only gets snacks between meals, if he eats at meal time. No sweet drinks either.

I know it seems very strict but it really isn't. It is just what parents for generations have done, (and again, this won't work with ND kids, some of whom have serious enough eating issues that they will hospitalize themselves by refusing food etc.) no ifs or buts, they just get on with it. Yes they can dislike some things and avoid parts, but the family food is not tailored to their every need and they don't get to demand alternatives.

At best he will eat peas i offer these every tea time as its the only veg he wont flip over

Hes under general peds to start a referral as we suspect hes on the spectrum but he used to eat loads of variety as a baby and young toddler. About 18 months got more fussy

He wont eat any meat now really at home he is just having plain carbs

NO SNACKS!!! ... AT ALL! ... JUST NONE!

If he comes to the table hungry he will eat! Not to begin with though ... make sure he has plenty to drink during the changeover to new regime.

He will not starve!

Yeah i am offering something else when he doesn't finish something or refuses something

He seems to be eating less is that normal with age? He used to eat so much at like 1yo lol

Don't offer something else!

Seriously - if he goes to the table hungry then he will eat. If he asks for a snack, offer him a drink and say that lunch will not be long.

If your son is going to be referred for an ASD assessment I’d definitely look up ARFID (Avoidant/restrictive food intake disorder). I have 3 Autistic children with it to varying degrees with my youngest (9) being the worse, he’s steadily from around 18-24months reduced and restricted what he’ll eat to the point that he will honestly starve himself if he can’t have his safe foods, ‘they’ll eventually eat when they’re hungry’ might work for mostly neurotypical children but not for ARFID. Can he tell you what he now doesn’t like about foods he used to eat? Could be texture, smell, looks or even just his brain telling him no 🤷🏻‍♀️. We give my son his safe foods (he eats the same dinner every single night) and a flavourless multivitamin powder to increase nutrition, we were advised by Consultants and dietitians to just feed him what he will eat and currently he’s a healthy weight and height for his age.

Could you make dinner a mix of snacks to create a nutritionally balanced meal? A baby bel, some apple slices with peanut butter, bread sticks and humus. It wouldn’t be perfect but would have protein, carbs, fat and fibre at least. Or just leave a plate of these things around while he’s playing.
my neurotypical 2 and 4 year old never get offered anything else if they don’t eat their dinner. They still get dessert though so if they don’t eat I generally will give them a Greek yoghurt with compote so it’s filling or banana and cream.

My son went through a phase like this around the same age. The more he snacked, the less interested he was in proper meals. What helped us was cutting back on snacks between meals and offering food without pressure. Some days he seemed to live on air and yogurt! As long as he's growing, drinking, and otherwise well, try not to panic. If it carries on or he's losing weight, I'd mention it to your GP.

If he's eating a much broader range at nursery, I would agree that it looks like he's learnt that if he refuses at home, he gets an option he likes better. If you want to improve what he eats, you need to either stop offering alternatives or offer alternatives that are 'fine' (perhaps something he used to eat at home or eats at nursery), but not things he particularly prefers.

We have a bit of a split approach (but I have children who can handle this approach). Everyone is allowed to dislike some things, and I will make an alternative meal for a few established dislikes – they have a little of the family meal on their plate alongside the alternative.

For things that are new or 'I'll eat a bit, but I'm not that keen', then they can have cereal/milk/banana or toast and a banana alongside the family meal. Plain cereals, shreddies, cornflakes, toast with butter, no jam, honey, or sugary cereals. It's reasonably balanced and it's easy for the cook, but it's pretty plain and repetitive, not a 'better offer' unless they genuinely are struggling with the main meal.

Some children would pick the plain option day in and day out, but even if he does that, it's still better than living on snacks. If you find he's doing that a lot, you might want to make the 'plain' option part of the main meal (however random!), so you're setting the habit that he's not 'getting an alternative', he's just choosing parts of the main meal (even if that's bread and butter and a piece of fruit on repeat).

No snacks and stop making things like McDonald’s and chips available. Eat good food and let him feel hunger.