Toddlers and basic table manners

[TurquoiseYeti]

What age were your children when you started emphasising the use of cutlery instead of hands? And when you tried to get them to stop "playing " with their food?

For context, my DD is 2y4m and is very capable with a spoon & fork when she chooses to use them.

We have a difference of opinion over how much to push this.

My 3.8 year old still prefers hands even though he's able to use cutlery. He is very likely SN though and he doesn't eat anything remotely liquid

At three I expected my kids to be attentive to how we at the table were eating and to try their best with cutlery.
No pudding unless table manners were observed.
In reality they all wanted to use their special cutlery by two and a half and enjoyed setting the table.

At three I expected my kids to be attentive to how we at the table were eating and to try their best with cutlery.
No pudding unless table manners were observed.
In reality they all wanted to use their special cutlery by two and a half and enjoyed setting the table.

We have so much else to deal with that we just pick battles. They can both use cutlery (5 and 2) and are fine when we go out and at school/nursery. Our issue is them wanting to get up all the time. Sometimes we also let them eat in front of the tv. They are both very good eaters and we know how lucky we aee with this, so we pick our battles. We are also not a pudding family, so we don’t bribe them them with this either.

Using any food as a reward is not a good idea. Slippery slope to an unhealthy relationship with food.

Never bribe with food. I’d pick your battles tbh - encourage cutlery use but if using hands or playing helps them eat then I’d just let it happen especially if it’s new food, it can help to touch it to discover the texture. Theyre still so young

No pudding unless table manners were observed.
Food should never be used as a bribe, incentive or reward.

Under 3 is early to be stressing about cutlery.

The focus should be on nutrition at this age.

The key is modelling at this age. Praise cutlery use but don't create stress.

Probably started insisting on some cutlery use by 5. If they were tired from school and wanted to use hands after a few mouthfuls that was fine.

Depends on the child. Our 3.5yo uses cutlery consistently, our 8yo doesnt always. Drives me up
the wall tbh. Just keep encouraging.

Don’t be ridiculous, I thought this fad had passed by now

My 8 yo DD is still terrible with cutlery. I'm working on it but won't have the dinner table as a battleground, as this was my childhood and has had life long repercussions. I definitely don't bribe with sweet food!

She doesn't have any SN, was out of nappies by 2, and is the top reader in her class, so I'm not a lazy neglectful mum, all kids are different.

Fad? It's been standard advice for a long time. It's very 1970s to use food as a bribe.

Ours were both using cutlery well before three. They had appropriately sized child cutlery and we were not expecting them to eat complicated food neatly (spaghetti and the like), and they sometimes still needed help cutting things up. However, one of mine is very fastidious and didn’t like getting his hands dirty, so was naturally inclined to use cutlery, and I grew up in a household where my parents regularly ate fruit with a knife and fork, so old habits die hard. I don’t expect them to peel and eat a peach with a knife and fork like my Dad did 😄

We did go through a phase of having to remind them not to eat food like a lollipop, ie spearing a big chunk on your fork and then nibbling bites off it.

This, 100%

My just turned 2 year old can use a fork and a spoon quite well. He often doesn't want to, so I spoon feed him. I don't allow him to eat spaghetti or mashed potatoes with his hands. TBF he hasn't been interested in eating with his hands since he was 12 or 13 months and mastered the fork, he hates getting his hands dirty.