Dont like my daughters primary school

[Ktd85]

Hi

my daughter is 5. I thought I’d picked a good school. There’s just so many red flags for me I just feel really torn . My daughter said she doesn’t want to move school just wants to move class , there’s been several incidents in her class where different children have either bit her , thrown an object at her close range in the face , or said some really nasty stuff like “ I’m glad I’m not at school tomorrow coz I don’t have to see you” there’s also been incidents where I have picked her up from after school club where children aren’t being properly supervised as a parent I have seen her own class teachers children physically and verbally assaulting special needs children and had to say to the adult supposedly looking after them “did you see that” and proceed to tell them what’s happened . I’ve put a written complaint in to the head asking if my child can move classes , it’s been a week and not even had an acknowledgment , I bump into the head sometimes after school and the headteacher will say hello to my child but completely ignore me , the learning mentor manager is like a robot and false , in her nursery her head of early years teacher and nursery school staff were so approachable nurturing kind and down to earth with parents , I really really liked them ( my daughter is in reception) and they always said if I needed anything I could come and talk to them , I just I dunno it’s hard because I want to move her I think there’s better schools , but she said she don’t want to move . I am quite aware that every time there’s an issue it can’t be solved by simply moving schools however I dread picking my daughter up for fear of what I’m going to see from the other children being so nasty to each other . Oh she says she’s bored as well , academically she’s capable and when I’ve addressed it with the teacher she’s been really dismissive - I just really don’t like the teacher either tbh , what do I do ?!!!

I would be looking to move schools. You’re not happy with the school and your daughter doesn’t sound particularly happy either.

Thanks for the straight talking advise that’s exactly what I needed

In my head and pit of stomach it’s what I’m thinking , new slate . It’s coz she said she doesn’t want to move school just class and she specifically said she don’t want to move school but it’s just like do I risk upsetting her and destabilising her to move to another school that could be the same ?

honeslty I’ve never seen owt like what I saw not only the teachers daughter but son assault other children right in front of me it was shocking and really upsetting and I just thought is this what happens when I’m not here

another thing is my partner says he is getting fed up of that school and like most men just tells her if anyone hurts her to stick up for herself . I think eventually he would be in agreement for her to move but not at the moment but it’s not him that has to see and deal with the school it’s me . The added difficulty is I work with schools in another area and I see good schools and this one just makes me cringe it’s shit quite frankly

I’m thinking of speaking to the early years teacher just for sounding but I dunno

Sadly she is too young to understand what staying at a school like that would do to her. Move her.

Unfortunately all schools will have some level of behavioural problems, what makes a good school are the ones who will put measures in place to limit the damage a child can do and support that child in making better choices. Safeguarding of other children is paramount.

At my son's school there was a really disruptive year group. It was a 3 form entry and usually there is 1 TA per class. This year group had 7 TAs in it plus they removed the most violent and disruptive pupils immediately after registration so these children went to another part of the school with 4 TAs to work with them as well as SENDCo SEMH team. That meant the rest of the children could work on core subjects which always take place in the mornings, so English and maths. That is how a school manages behaviour effectively. I am not saying it was perfect but I saw it as a good strategy.

Explore other schools. The idea of moving school is just an idea to both of you at the moment. Explore the options. Then make an informed decision. It's easier for your daughter to be open to a new school if she sees it and knows what it is. Its all just an idea atm.

If you’re not happy I’d move now before she makes friends and isn’t happy to move.

I would move schools as soon as possible.

Thanks for all the honest advice I really do appreciate it . I may go look around some , and then if I like some invite my daughter . I have moved my daughter from a nursery that I didn’t like for same reason and now she will say she misses the nursery but in my head I know it was the right thing to move her , I just don’t want to keep moving her I feel bad , just want to make the right choice for her and keep her at a good school - I feel really bad as I thought this was a good school k got a lovely vibe from the nursery but if the staff were like nursery I’d be happy but they’re not

Move. We moved ours when they were in Y3 & 5 respectively: didn’t make it a choice for them. I had issues with the head. We moved to a “less good” school but I really liked the head. I hadn’t realised quite what a difference the head makes: it really does trickle into every part of the school. I’m glad we moved them.

One of my kids, now in Y12, is on her4th school. Every move was the right thing to do.

When my kids were in primary I met a mum who had 5 kids and she had moved them all at various times. She told me not to be afraid to move kids, and move again if you need to, because finding the right school is critical because it impacts them every day. I’m so glad I took her advice.

She’s 5, with all respect she doesn’t get to make the decisions. She’s not old enough to understand the consequences of her decisions. I moved one of mine after year 5 and she didn’t want to move, because kids often don’t like change. It was the best decision we’ve ever made and she’s glad I stuck to my guns.

The problem with moving schools is that -,as a teacher I can tell you that in all schools behaviour is so much worse than a decade ago, so it isn’t massively unusual that you wouldn’t get the same in the next school.

Don’t give your daughter a say in the matter. But of course, when you have chosen, then she can look round. Present it as a positive thing. You are the parent. She needs you to act as the parent. She’s only five.

The behaviour is the same but the way schools manage it is different.

No I understand that , yes I agree there is gonna be behaviour issues as i work in schools and with teachers for a living I see it and really do get what teaching staff are up against - however , I’ve seen schools where teachers , learning mentors and head masters are down to earth- deal effectively with the behaviour , proactively work with parents , are validating , compassionate , kind and supportive and balanced and contain me ! at my daughters school they are dismissive - judgy and false and it just doesn’t feel warm at all- does it help to say 10 years ago there was an incident where one parent stabbed another in the playground ?

After a lot of heartache and sleepless nights we moved my son schools. Initially he said he didn’t want to but we asked him to visit the school with us and he loved it. He was then on board with moving and despite some initial nerves, he has absolutely thrived. He loves it there and you couldn’t pay him enough money to move back to him own school. We’re trying to move DS1 but they don’t have space for him
and we’re stuck in a nasty battle with the current school.
it’s a very hard decision to make but I have zero regrets about doing it!

Sometimes we need to make long term decisions for our DC that goes against their short term wants. Children like familiarity and rarely will they walk with open arms into a completely unknown environment knowing nobody and do it when the option to stick with what they know is there.

But people move their DC all their time, for lots of different reasons. It's better to move now so she has time to adapt to a different school and their methods (different phonics/reading/writing systems) and at 5 we have very few long term memories of anything.

Don't get hung up on trying to speak to the head or anything OP, just have a look around some other schools nearby and find one you like better. A September start would be a good time to move.

Only head masters 😂?!

I would make an appointment and go and discuss this with the current HT before making any decisions. It might be worth going to visit a few local schools though over the next few weeks, so see what spaces they have and to ask some questions.

To be honest nah not just head masters the learning mentors and teachers I feel are similar

tbh I feel like I’d be wasting my breath speaking to head teacher he can’t even respond to an email or say hello to me or acknowledge me when he sees my child with me

there’s some history- when I came to have a tour of the school I asked questions ( there was just me and one other parent) and he cut me off and told me to save questions to the end as he wanted to focus on showing me some of the kids work - firstly what a rude bastard , I’m dyslexic and I’m on a planned parents tour where I’m there to ask questions , secondly I’m dyslexic so I need to ask questions as I go , I happen know the other parent that was there and she said he was rude so I just think he’s abit detached .

my daughter got put in a nurture group for finding it difficult to turn take - the teacher described her as sulky in her words and did not even give me chance to try and address it - do they not see the bigger picture - she’s bored coz the world under stimulating - when I address that with the teacher she dismisses it instead of thinking to herself what can we put in place to challenge her . She’s in a class with kids that are really challenging and no wonder she’s standing up for herself , and kicking off when teachers promise her a turn on something then they forget it’s like they tend to say it’s the kid but don’t take accountability for what’s going on around them . My child was confident outgoing strong minded and a lot happier before she went to that school tbh . Another thing is I asked for some support through the learning mentor for a parent course they run which they can refer to for an outside like family centre service - I then changed my mind at told her my consent had been withdrawn she then ignored me and passed my setails on , the family centre manager called me and I said I had withdrawn my consent so why she even in touch with me I was furious who does she think she is now I don’t trust her wirh
anuthing

You have 6 weeks to go (assuming you’re in England).

If your daughter likes the school but not her class, why not wait until September and see how she settles into year 1.

It wouldn’t stop you from having a look around other schools in the meantime but you don’t have to make any decision now.

That’s true , I’m not sure but I think they stay in the same classes , it’s just the system around her as well il not happy with so that’s not gonna change , I think the advice I’ve got has been really wise so thank you all and yes your right I got six weeks , I’ll start having a look round at a few and see what I think ; the other thing I was gonna mention is the learning mentors live two doors down from each other and right near me like over the road , also her class teacher and teaching assistant are sisters so I kind of think I might just see about a school which is not so close to us as it feels like I can’t have a separate life either !

My point about head masters was that they are men! No women heads there?!

Move her, she’s too little and doesn’t have the life experience to be responsible for such a decision - it falls on you to do what’s best. I had to move my DD in y5. It was a huge wrench, and she did cry and beg to go back for several months, but now understands it was vital to rebuilding her confidence and enthusiasm for learning. (She was at risk of being expelled from the first naice middle class school as they couldn’t/refused to accommodate her autism and moved to one in a deprived area with a big SEN team and amazing headteacher).

I think the point was that women can be headteachers too!

thanks for everyone who’s given me some advice I will have a think