Parenting books that made a difference?

[Louisa30]

What parenting books have genuinely made a difference to your parenting and children’s behaviour?

Toddler Taming - Christopher Green

Toddler Taming - Christopher Green

How to talk so little kids will listen - Joanna Faber and Julie King
Calmer, happier, easier parenting - Noel Janis-Norton
Hunt, gather, parent - Michaeleen Doucleff
Siblings without rivalry - Adele Faber and Elaine Mazlish
Resilient - Rick Hanson

I really enjoyed French Children Don’t Throw Food

Baby Calming by Caroline Deacon
No Cry Sleep Solution

The ones I have seen recommended most on here are How To Talk So Kids Will Listen, The Book You Wish Your Parents Read and The Explosive Child.

I will be a bit contrary and say I thought they were all a bit rubbish (sorry.)

Baby Talk - Sally Ward
21st Century Girls/Boys - Sue Palmer

None, you can’t learn parenting from a book. You learn from doing and getting support from other people who’ve been through it.

Agree. You have to find your own style and not ‘try’ to do what someone else does. I’ve read a lot of the above books and found it reading and applying very different. For instance, Philippa Perry’s book ‘The Book You Wish You’re Parents Had Read’ does have some lovely ideas, but really only works as a theory for one child (I have 3), and I realised I had to find my own way.

Raising boys by Steve Biddulph. Coming from a family of girls and having only sons this book helped me understand some worries I had and also alleviated them massively. I still recommend it to friends. Also all of Dr Greens books.

I wish I had read French children earlier in terms of food but it was too late for mine, the bad habits were already formed by the time I came across it !

The Faber and Mazlish books, especially How To Talk So Kids Will Listen And Listen So Kids Will Talk. The second part of the title is quite important!

When they were babies, The Contented Little Baby Book. At the time, hugely controversial on here. I cherry-picked ideas from it, tried things out for a few weeks, and used what worked for me. The biggest thing for me that I used was always starting the day at the same time, regardless of how awful the night had been.

Maths for Mums and Dads. Not exactly a parenting book, but it helped dh and me support our dc at school and make homework less stressful. Dh is an engineer and I have Maths A-level, so we were surprised at struggling to help our dc. Turns out that early Maths is taught very differently now!

Toddler Taming....!
Mine are now in their 20s, so some younger parents may feel it's outdated. But i felt, at the time, that Christopher Green talked sense, advised firm, simple boundaries, that made children feel safe, but more importantly, you felt he was equally on the parents' AND child's side! It was quite a revelation, and I have never stopped thanking him, in my mind.

Maybe i was lucky in my 3 children, but applying his utterly sensible rational, simple advice, worked for all 3 of mine, boys and girls, 2 years between each, fair share of tantrums ( one later diagnosed with ASC), but, dealt with properly, none of their less desirable behaviour escalated.
Sorry if that comes across as smug...I had my fair share of less than proud parenting moments...( I once shouted so much, I lost my voice). But they are now in their 20s and ( they say!) they don't remember any of the bad bits.
He really rescued many a bad moment.

@Gateappreciation thank you! This seems to be a popular recommendation!

@Bubblewrapartthank you!!

@TheGirlWhoLived Thank you! I’ve heard good things about this so just started reading!

@ExplodingSmittens thank you!!

@followtheswallow thank you! I appreciate the honesty!! 😊

@Reading2Thank you!!

@mindutopia@Santasbigredbobblehat very true!!

@Pleasesaynothing appreciate this recommendation as I have 2 boys! Just started reading French children but we too have already formed some bad habits!

@Apareciumthank you very much for these recommendations! Very helpful!

@Oneearringlostthank you! This has been recommended a few times so will definitely give this a read! My boys are 3 & 5, would you say it’s still relevant and helpful for these ages?

Very old-but Libby Purves’ “How Not To Be a Perfect Mother” really chimed with me. And Deborah Jackson’s Three in a Bed and Do Not Disturb were a wonderful antidote to the Gina Ford mothers…..

Baby Talk and French Children don’t throw food

I would say yes...but life has moved on.
All I can reiterate, is that it was firm, simple boundaries that worked, imo, and that what struck me most, was that you felt, as a parent that

1. You weren't alone

2. That he was, as equally on the side of the child, as with you, the parent.

3. That this may not be insurmountable, so made you feel as if you were dealing effectively with behaviour, but within a very loving environment. He validated parents' frustration as much as he understood the child's.

I will never forget that.

But I also understand that some parents now, may feel that it is outside what they are prepared to do.

If my eldest had children, I would absolutely accept if she did not want to apply/espouse his techniques...they were firm! However, some would say we need to return to more firm techniques, others not.

I also liked the Steve Biddulph book, Raising boys...and although v American, I thought the 'How to talk' books very v good, as they got older.
So I fished about and used a variety of books, depending on age etc...
All the best @Louisa30 Its not easy, but that you are exploring books/techniques shows you are interested, insightful and proactive, always good!