How and when did you ‘decide’ to have 2 under 2?

[Ellie126]

I’ve always wanted at least two kids (one is an absolute blessing though due to potential early menopause on the horizon in the next few years).

Bur after having this one (he’s only 3 months) I can’t imagine having 2 under 2! So many people do and make it look like a breeze. I always knew parenting was hard but I think I absolutely overestimated my ability to cope with the sleep deprivation and the constant demands of a baby! Sometimes I’m genuinely scared of the thought of having another one close in age but then I look at him and think ‘ he’s so cute I want more!’

We are 27 - husbands ‘theory’ so to speak is the faster we have another child the more ‘out the way it is’ and we don’t prolong ‘children hood’ if that makes sense?! Ie we won’t get that much older and can have kids done by 30. I also would like another before 30/31 due to potential fertility issues as above. I’d be more devastated if I could never have a child again then the thought of 2 under 2.

so my question - if you have 2 under 2, when did you decide that it was the right thing for you? OF course it’s not always planned and if that’s the case, was it as hard as the transition from no kids to 1 kid or was it easier because you know what you’re doing?

If you have other age gaps ie 3-5 years, how do you feel it differed to your 2 under 2 or if you just have kids with a larger age gap, how do you find it?

We wanted a bit bigger gap tbh, but I conceived my second a bit ahead of schedule.

I wanted initially to try for a second when my first was 6w old though as I was initially pleasantly surprised by parenthood (it didn't last, lol). I'm very glad I waited I decided to wait though. Things got much harder for us after about 6m with a mobile baby (and deteriorating sleep) so that would have been a nightmare with pregnancy.

Two under two was fine at first - the toddler was a challenge but the baby was like a very needy pot plant in comparison, even though she was colicky and hated sleep. 2u2 got harder with 2 mobile children and then hardest with two toddlers and eventually got easier again.

They are now 7&8 and life is tricky with them for other reasons but they are absolutely best friends and it's amazing to watch.

As.far as transition goes, perhaps I'm weird but I didn't find transition tricky with either, and found newborn a really gentle introduction to parenting. I appreciate not everyone feels like that. For me the challenges came later and that's where I found it hard. Two were obviously a lot harder than 1 - far more than twice the work, though now less so as they entertain eachother. Now it's just about double the work.

Thank you! See my first is SO needy (only contact naps - wants to be held nearly all the time even in wake windows)… which is why I’m not as eager to have another one straight away. (I’m also BF so it might not end up being 2 under 2!)

We had always planned small age gaps - my siblings and I are close in age and it’s lovely as adults, so wanted that for our kids. In addition, neither DH nor I are wild on the ‘young child’ phase, and felt we’d rather stay in the trenches and get it done. So we had more or less decided the age gaps we wanted, tried to conceive in line with that schedule, and I was fortunate to get pregnant quickly for all three of them.

It’s absolutely hard work - though no age gap is a walk in the park! - but it works so well for us, and I wouldn’t change it for the world.

My oldest 2 are 23 months apart, then 2nd and 3rd are 2 years and 10 months apart.

In hindsight, I think around 3 years is a really good age gap - close enough to be basically into the same sort of things at the same time, but you can get the older one out of nappies, into nursery etc before the younger one shows up, both of which makes your life a lot easier.

But obviously it depends on what happens/ how long it takes and what the personalities are like! At the end of the day, you just play the hand you get....

Loads of advantages. The sleep deprivation is severe but only for three years.
If they are at similar stages, lots of things are easier - they both like the same TV shows, dinners, days out, games and stories. Their hand-me-downs are still fashionable.

I had no choice as I had twins, but one had physical and mental developmental delay so was about a year behind in every way. It was like having two in two years.

Ha yes, both of mine only contact napped (for between 1-3 years). I carried them in a sling virtually full time for the first few months, and that was great because I carried on with life just with baby strapped to me!

Weirdly once mine got to a year old I suddenly then wanted to try for another.

It definitely comes with challenges, you feel so bad juggling them both in the early days, my first was still a baby himself when my second was born and we don’t have any family help so it was difficult giving him the attention he still needed. That being said, they now have the most incredible bond (4 and 2 now)…they always say they’re best friends and they’re close enough in age to be into exactly the same things which makes life a little easier. I’m now pregnant with my third and don’t have any of the worries I had the second time around as they’ve got each other and they’re both a little older and excited for this new baby now. 🙏🏼

Very standard in my circle to have two under two. Mine are 21 months apart, which seems very common.

Op i had a terrible birth with my first and it took me so long to recover emotionally. While I was being discharged, I told the obstetrician that I wouldn't be having any more. She said 'See you in two years'.

I found all of the medical check ups through pregnancy (I had my first abroad) really draining and I had gained a huge amount of weight. Another baby was the last thing on my mind.

So, just as I lost the final half stone of the 4 stone weight gain and started getting a bit more sleep, I suddenly felt broody when my first was 18 months old. This desire for a second came out of nowhere. I told my husband thay we should start trying as it had taken a while to get pregnant with our first.

Literally 2 weeks later I was looking at a positive pregnancy test. My son was 2 years and 4 months when my second was born. It was all fine and they wouldn't be without eachother now.

I have three children, with 22 month age gaps each time. Youngest has just turned one. So far, I think it’s a fab gap. Babies two and three have spent a LOT of their babyhood in a sling, but they seem to be fine,

We didn't decide - we started trying because I'd had fertility treatment for months to have DC1, and presumed it would the same again, ie ttc for months while waiting for the fertility treatment and then be on that for months. 2 weeks later I was pregnant naturally and reeling in shock! Then had DC3 many years later 🤷‍♀️

I had two 16 months apart at 40 and 42, mainly because of my age. However I would have wanted a small age gap even if I’d been younger, as my siblings and I have 3.5 years between us and always got on very well. However, I found it very difficult having a new born with a 16 month old who wasn’t yet walking and I struggled for a while with the feeling that I’d done the wrong thing. It did get easier though.

We deliberately had a two year gap, which is in fact 23 months. I grew up with 3 years and 7 years with my own sisters and I felt it was too big - especially with the youngest (she and I have no collective childhood memories.) I so wanted my DC to be friends and have shared experiences, and that has happened. Also, I had a great time parenting them when they were little, because they were into the same things at the same time, so days out were fun for everyone. And, I somehow found friends with the same age gap between their children, so that was lovely too. They’re 13 and 15 now, and in their last term of ever being at the same school at the same time, and their individual interests are diversifying - but they’ll organise film nights together, and they’ve got one club that they do together, which makes me really happy to see. (Though quite often they travel to it separately…. )