How do parents of multiple children manage to get enough sleep?!

[Anon501178]

I have 3 wonderful children (9, 4, 2wks)
Newborn is as expected very wakeful at night and I am struggling to find a way to get enough sleep.

When DH was on paternity leave he was getting up with baby and our older kids in the mornings so that I could get some more sleep.When things were really tough and baby was up literally most of the night (first few nights) we shared the feeding abit as baby is combination fed.
However he is back at work now (went back afew days ago) and he works outside the home 30mins drive each way and has a physical job, so needs to be getting a relatively okay amount of sleep.
He leaves the house at 7.30 and has to get ready first from 7ish, so can't do alot first thing.Our daughters are usually asleep until I wake them 7.30ish anyway.Baby has been sleeping til around then too but will do stretches ranging from 1-3 hours and is sometimes up for awhile inbetween (could be 30mins, could be 2hrs on a bad night)
We agreed DH would take baby late evening (giving him a bottle of formula and once settled watch him downstairs until he comes upto bed at 10.30/11 time for me to get a head start sleeping) but it's not working out very well as both our daughters have late bedtimes plus our youngest is 4 and needs alot of assistance to settle, so obviously he can't juggle that and seeing to baby, so until she is asleep I can't go to bed, and then once i've had a shower etc and actually got ready for bed the time just goes and sometimes baby wakes again and wants the comfort of breastfeeding.

I am getting an hour or two 11ish-1ish then usually 2-3 hours 2ish-5ish, then maybe another hour between then and when I have to get up to get the girls ready for school.
It is averaging about 5hrs of broken sleep a night which isn't sustainable if I want to drive further/do more than just going to school runs or into town, plus just generally manage day to day without feeling knackered.
DH is home weekends so that will be fine as I can have a lie-in, it's just the weekdays when I have to get up for the school run/routine.

I am wondering what everyone else does who has multiple children and a DH who works out the home so needs at least 6/7hrs sleep too....when we had our middle child, our eldest was already at school so I could at least get some sort of opportunity each day to catch up on sleep.
I have always tried to follow the 'sleep when baby sleeps' rule as much as i can, but with multiple children it's not often that simple- youngest is home with me 2x days a week and i have school and nursery run times to work around.

Also baby does not always sleep much in the day, for example today i've been home just me and him 10am til now, but he has literally only had a couple of half an hour slots (so i managed 20mins sleep but that's it!)
Have tried a dummy as think he likes comfort sucking, but he tends to keep spitting it out/dropping it.

Only two children here but close in age. DH did a lot of driving and I didn't want the extra worry of him driving while over tired. He did more at weekends and was an early riser as well.
You are going to bed quite late. I managed by going much, much earlier with the baby in with me. DH had the toddler in with him in another bedroom.

We have three children aged 5, 3, and 18 months. With all of them, we used formula, which really helped them sleep for longer stretches. They would usually wake just once during the night until they were about 3 months old, and after that they slept through the night. My husband and I took turns doing that one night feed, which made things much more manageable. We were also very consistent with bedtime from an early age. Our older children were always in bed by 7:30–7:45 pm, and that was pretty much non-negotiable. Every child is different, of course, but this routine worked really well for our family.

When the babies were very little, I went to bed at like 7/8pm, baby went in sling with Dh and he did bedtime with older one. Brought baby to me for a feed about 10pm. Then brought him to me for the night at 12/1am. Go to bed way earlier! No reason to be up til 11pm with the baby. Then I got up as normal in the morning for the school run. Baby was up anyway so wasn’t like we could have a lie in. Dh did all night wake ups with older one. He took them out on weekends in between feeds, even if just for a walk or a drive around so I could sleep.

If Dh is away for a night, how will you get them all to bed? Whatever that is, he does that and you sleep. Just because he’s a man doesn’t mean he can’t get a 4 year old to bed while carrying around a baby. You’d have to manage it. You must get them all up and dressed and fed solo in the morning. Shower as soon as he walks in the door from work. I used to literally hand all children to Dh as soon as he was home and showered (works in industry so it’s dirty). Then I’d shower and often go straight to bed. He’d feed himself and dc, get them bathed and dressed and into bed. Men really can do it too.

When our eldest was this age, Dh was working a FT office based job, commuting, setting up a business which launched when baby was about 3 months old, so he was doing web design and product development and business planning every evening after work with baby in a sling til midnight, still doing every bathtime and getting ready for bedtime while I got an extra 4 hours sleep in the evenings.

5 hours doesn’t seem too bad at the stage you’re in … to be honest you just need to wait it out! Mine were 4.5, 2.5 and newborn and it’s very hard for a while. I co-slept and breastfed whilst sleeping as much as possible and my husband settled the other two in the night if he was around. (Travels a lot for work!) I had my 2.5 year old in the day so could never nap but I just stayed tired during the week and tried to catch up at the weekend. For a while we all went to bed by 9 every night. They are 8,6,4 now and we have a really good routine and I get a decent amount of sleep again so it won’t be for ever.

Why are the older two going to bed late?

I don’t think I got enough sleep until my youngest was at least 5, it’s just how it is with young kids.
Take turns to have a lie in on the weekends, have afternoon naps, go to bed early at least some days, co-sleep

Thanks for all the replies.

Just to clarify afew things- eldest daughter has ASD/ADHD and even if she is in bed lights out 8.30-9 she never falls asleep until near 10 as she struggles to switch off and settle (we have a pending sleep clinic referral) to be fair she just stays up there mostly without issue though so DH is fine to manage her and baby together.Youngest often goes to sleep 8-8.30 on a good night, but needs us to sit with her until asleep otherwise she just plays about in her room or doesn't stay in there and would be up til probably 9.30/10pm which then would hold up eldest one going to sleep as they share a room but can't be in there together as they just play about.
Have tried audiobooks etc but she just won't settle if we aren't in there.Baby is very fussy in the evenings at the moment, and needs constant holding and feeding, so if DH tried to have him in the room whilst settling DD he would just be crying and keeping her awake.

In regards to the night times, I got DH up for the first couple of nights to help out as baby was not settling without a top up bottle feed, and up most of the night- he wasn't settling to sleep til 1.30am! Now, he settles earlier late evening time, and at night he is settling back to sleep well on breastfeeds without the need for formula top ups, so i am managing that.

We don't have a very big bed and feel we would struggle to do co-sleeping with a newborn safely, so personally wouldn't consider that although have done so with other babies when they were toddlers.

I have been feeling abit unwell with a cold virus thing the last few days which I don't think has helped with my energy levels and generally feeling rubbish, but this afternoon I had a nearly 4hr nap whilst DH had the kids.

DH is very dedicated and involved in general as a parent, he is also proactive with doing the housework etc and a loving dad and husband, but sometimes can be quite blinkered about how much i do parenting wise, and if allowed to do so will not always take the lead with things or use initiative, so I do have to be assertive about him stepping up to take over or do his fair share of parenting tasks, and then he will do it without question but he does need a push sometimes.

I found with dd2 because we were all going upstairs for dd1 to go to bed she ended up in a routine quite quickly. Unfortunately this routine didn't involve sleeping much between midnight and 4am 😅 but she did go to sleep at 9ish from quite early on. So maybe you all go up at 7pm and one of you puts dc2 to bed and one of you has the baby. Then dc1 can go to bed.

Your baby is 2 weeks old.

It’s normal to be knackered and manage only school runs.

I think your expectations are a bit high tbh.

Catch up sleep at the weekends (as you have done today) and survive during the week.

Just to clarify afew things- eldest daughter has ASD/ADHD and even if she is in bed lights out 8.30-9 she never falls asleep until near 10 as she struggles to switch off and settle (we have a pending sleep clinic referral) to be fair she just stays up there mostly without issue

DS was a nightmare - baths - they tend to get a bit cold which promotes sleepness - did help but he also has eczema and then we were told not to bath every night. Still did reading and night routine.

https://www.kids.org.uk/guides/adhd-and-sleep/

Also tried lavendar sprays and Feather & Down Magnesium Butter for Sleep - Lavender & Chamomile Soothing Body Butter - and maganesium suppliments and night light that slowly got darker - and later in teen years sleep teas - warm milk.

When we moved insisted DS went into room not over living room - so heard him less. DD1 got out of bed less often perhaps because she shared till we moved - apparently taht can help with sleep - and she got her own room.

It is hard and it is grabbing it when you can but it should get better as tehy all get older.

I had 3 under 2 (twins). Lower your expectations and prioritise sleep wherever you can. I still value my sleep in ways I never did before and DT are now 16. It was really hard and I don’t really remember much about the first three years, it is all a blurry tired fog. I couldn’t have done a demanding job during those years. Hang in there x