To be a better dad…

[MWM75]

I am after some expert advice, I’m a dad making a poor job of it at times.
I don’t have the patience I should have, I don’t always value what I should, now I’m middle aged finding it hard to change!
I have a wonderful seven year old daughter, but I’m letting her down. My work and business are a big distraction, that cannot come before my daughter though!
I don’t go out with mates to pub, it’s work (sometimes away) then back home. That’s seems the right thing to do.
Just wish I could be more patient, understanding and tolerant.
Any valued advice welcome, just trying to connect with new people to try to learn to be better.

A book called The Work/Parent Switch by Anita Cleare might be helpful to read.

I think recogning you could do better is a huge thing! We are all busy in life and time passes so quickly its important to be tolerant and understanding with our kids at all ages. Do you do anything together just you and her? What does she enjoy? What are you struggling with when you say understanding her?

She’s absolutely perfect, she’s the best thing I have ever done. Yet she deserves better. She’s active, high performing gymnastics, loves the outdoors. I let my work/business get in the way. Therefore, reaching out on here, as it seems such a great platform.
What mums do is unbelievable! I can go to work, away for work, she can’t and she doesn’t, she’s always there for her in a brilliant way, many times the person I am. So making the effort to try to improve

Mum here with a full-on professional job. I find it is too easy to de-prioritise family because you feel they will always be there and can wait, or you feel guilty doing things with them when you feel you should be working. If so, try to change your mindset. Try thinking of your daughter the way you would one of your important clients (or whatever analogy works in your line of work). If you were in a meeting with Important Client A, you wouldn’t start checking your phone for messages from Important Client B. If you had scheduled a meeting with Important Client C, you wouldn’t cancel at the last minute, or run late, or get annoyed and try to rush them because you felt your should be doing work with Important Client D.

I suggest putting all the important events (sports days, gymnastics shows, etc) in your work calendar (not necessarily with a description, just “personal event”) and treat them as sacrosanct as you would an important work meeting. It’s also helpful to block out a few evenings a week to get home and make time to read with her, play, put her to bed, etc. Don’t check your phone in that time. If you had taken a client out for drinks you wouldn’t be checking your phone and the sky won’t fall in, so why take a different approach if it’s time with your daughter? Also try not to bring work stress home. I actually found that once I made a conscious decision that I would not let myself think and stress about work when at home and taint my home life, I got better perspective on work and which things mattered and which didn’t and actually did my job better.

goos luck!

That’s great advice. Appreciate the reply. My work is professional training, so it’s the planning, preparation, resource management, training centre commitments and facilitation with teaching and assessing. Mentally tiring. Got an ADHD diagnosis which has added some understanding. Trying to learn now how to adapt and adjust with it.

Also, think about the things you enjoy and how you can adapt those to try with her, to try to find common interests with your DD. Don’t fall into the trap of thinking “she’s a girl, she’ll only want to play fairy unicorn rainbow tea party, I find that boring, there is nothing we can do together”. If you follow a sport, encourage her to watch it with you and explain it to her. If you like DIY, take her to the hardware store and let her “help” you with simple projects. Get the kids versions of board games you like to play together. If you are into computer gaming, do proper research into decent age-appropriate games and help her learn to play them and play with her (but not too much screen time and keep her off Roblox at all costs). My dad took up cooking as a hobby that he could learn and do with me and my brother when we were little. (Come to think of it, he has also taught my eight year old to play poker!)

😀 definitely encourage her to do outdoor activities and enjoy wildlife, which she does.
Thanks for the suggestions, really helps. I don’t open up much, so often it’s ruminating in my mind.
I feel respectful of your dad taking up hobbies to include activities to do together