My son has been bitten twice by the same child - what would you do?

[BoyMum100]

My son (4) is currently in preschool and will attend the same school for reception in September. Today he was bitten by a peer who has previously bitten my son on another occasion. After speaking to the nursery assistant the teacher rang me to confirm this is normal developmental behaviour where they are learning to share and they will keep an eye on it but I can come in for a meeting to discuss if I would like. Does this sound like the are brushing the issue under the carpet? I would like to see a behavioural plan put in place for the other child to make sure this doesn't happen again. I kept saying this behaviour is unacceptable for a 4 year old.
What would you do?

I’d take them up on the offer of a meeting. Biting can still happen at 4, but if it's a repeated issue involving the same child, it's reasonable to ask what steps they're taking to prevent it happening again.

That said, they can't really discuss another child's behavioural plan with you. I'd focus on what they're doing to keep your son safe rather than demanding details about the other child. Hopefully the meeting will give you some reassurance.

Thanks for your reply. I think I will arrange the meeting for some reassurance. I meant I hope they will be meeting with the peers parents and putting a behavioural plan in place, rather than demanding information.

They will not be able to tell you what support is being put in place for the other child.

Nursery age children, even at 4, are still developing appropriate coping, communication and behaviour strategies.

It’s horrible when your child is bitten, (and horrible if you are the child of a biter!) I agree that it’s a good idea to arrange a meeting to find out how they plan to keep your child safe.

There will be a behavioural plan in place but they won't be able to tell you any details about it

Definetly have a meeting to discuss your child's safety plan but they won't be able to say anything about the other child

I hope your child is okay. I had a child who was a biter and another child who was bitten. Neither is a nice position to be in as a parent 😭

I have been the mum of a bitter and a bitten. I've also taught lots of biters, aged 3-5. It's awful for all involved. Although not normal, it is common. I'd be asking have other children been bitten or is it just your child. Also, what was happening before the bite. Biting is (usually ) communication. Was there a common trigger?

@mumnosbestthe first instance was a squabble over a toy the second was who got to be first into the playground from what I gather. I doubt they would tell me if he's bitten any other children.

Not acceptable at 4 and about to start school. They have words to communicate! I would not be happy OP.
Hope your boy is ok

I wouldn’t be happy with this. It’s kind of expected at younger ages in nursery, but even then multiple times from the same child I wouldn’t be happy with. But age 4 and about to start reception, that’s not ok. I’d want to know what they were going to be doing to keep my child safer which means not being bitten at nursery.

It's not acceptable of course but it is within normal in 1-5 year olds.
You can ask what the nursery are going to do to keep your child safe (which essentially will just be keep an eye on it) but they won't share anything about how the biter was dealt with or what was said to the parents or any support that's in place.

What are you hoping the teacher will say?

On one memorable occasion at nursery my child was both bitten and the biter in one day… 🤦‍♀️

id say 4 is quite old for that behaviour.

DD was in nursery with 5 others who were a very similar age, when they were about 2/3 we had a few days where they all bit each other. One night the staff would be all serious because DD had bitten someone, next night they were full of apologies because she’d been bitten.
I remember they couldn’t tell you who had been biting or bitten but DD would tell me in the car anyway ‘I bit lily today!’. Stopped as suddenly as it had started.

I know biting happens but assumed children grow out of it when they are a few months away from starting reception. I would like the teacher to explain how they are going to keep my DC safe rather than just say this is normal behaviour.

Should I also suggest they are put into different reception classes?

They cannot tell you the plan for the other child..

You need to ask how will you be keeping my child safe?

The staff just won’t be doing anything and will more than likely feel awful that it has happened to your child. Your child is possibly also not the only one to be bitten. You’re not unreasonable to ask what is in place to prevent it happening. But it does happen. Hope your little one is ok.

You can request separate classes if you feel this is an ongoing issue.

I think you need to be realistic about what the staff can actually do though if there are 2-3 adults in a class of 20+ three and four year olds.
What explanation from the teacher would you feel satisfied with?