So I have a 4-year-old and an almost 2-year-old. Up until the 2-year-old was over a year, it was pretty plain sailing really because it was dealing with an older more independent child and then a baby, and there was not sharing or competition between them.
I was really looking forward to them being old enough to play together. However, as soon as they've been able to they just scream and fight! I know that this is going to get a lot worse because the little ones not even two yet. There's a lot of 'mine' and snactching. The little one pulls her sisters hair. The older one smacks her a lot. And to be honest what happens is I end up just losing it with my 4-year-old. I shout at her way too much because I think that she should know better than to be smacking her 2-year-old sister. I obviously do discipline the little one but I'm limited as to what I can do because she doesn't have the same comprehension yet.
I'm really struggling when I have them both together. I feel like I'm in such a state of fight or flight and stress all the time that I feel like I need to constantly separate them. I knew that they was going to get older and argue. I didn't expect it to find it this overwhelming. The thing is when I spend time one-on-one with them it's lovely. As individuals I really enjoy both my children and I'm able to stay calm and patient. But as soon as I try and do anything with them together and they start screaming I get so overwhelmed and I end up raising my voice and I really hate it. I really wanted them to have a sibling so they had someone to go through life with and share memories/an upbringing but it's made it infinitely harder. My oldest goes to nursery 4 days a week and the one day she's home breaks me every week. So my question is is this so intense just because they're both so little or is it literally going to be like this the whole time? Is it a case of I need to work on my own overwhelm, or is there strategies I should be putting in place. Looking for hope really!