I just want to know if my DS’s behaviour is relatively normal for his age and if it’s actually going to get any better?!!
He was the easiest, most lovely, amenable and happiest baby. Always slept and ate well. As a toddler we had the usual toddler stuff going on but from age 4 until now… he’s 5.5.. it has been absolutely horrendous. A year and a half I feel like I’ve been in a war. I’m at the point now where I’m getting ill almost every week due to his behaviour.
He doesn’t listen to a SINGLE word I say. He won’t do ANYTHING he’s told. Every single little thing is a battle or negotiation. For the past year he’s been hitting, kicking and throwing things when he doesn’t get his own way. He finds it extremely hard to share with other children, even though he attended nursery for 3 years before school. Right now, he’s on a reduced timetable at school because the behaviour started spilling out from home to there. Luckily, we seem to be on the path to better days at school but I have since lost my job over it - due to having to collect him early every day (he only goes in for 2-3 hours a day), and home life is still terrible with him.
When I say I’ve tried everything.. I really have. I’ve tried gentle parenting, explaining, staying calm when he’s having a meltdown, giving punishments such as taking away his favourite things, following through on threats such as no soft play today etc, naughty step, trying to sympathise with him, more physical exercise.. EVERYTHING!! It’s like there’s no rhyme or reason for his outbursts and defiance. Some days he’s lovely and agreeable, but most days he is extremely difficult to cooperate and it’s exhausting.
Right now I’m dealing with his refusal to respect consent and personal space. He is a very affectionate boy as we are that type of household, but his affection is smothering and incredibly overstimulating. He is touching me constantly, especially my face, poking me, prodding me, pinching me. If I ask him to stop and explain why, he just gets even more spurred on and literally won’t stop until I lose it. He does it to other children too. If they don’t want to play with him he will follow them around and just generally annoy them until one of their parents has to come and tell me. When I try to explain to him about people’s personal space and boundaries, he will put his hands over his ears or just outright tell me he’s not going to listen.
He will lose his s**t over the smallest things and doesn’t care about consequences until it’s too late. He is honestly just impossible at the moment. Unless I were to bend and pander to his every demand, there is no peace in our house. He doesn’t respect or fear any kind of discipline and most of the time laughs or just hits/kicks when I try to discipline him. He seems to find it all very funny and doesn’t see the seriousness in anything. He talks back at me and looks at me like I’m some pathetic weakling. I’m a single mum, so there is no man in the house. I beat myself up about this every day, wondering if this is the reason. I try to deepen my voice and be more authoritarian but he’s just not bothered at all.
It sounds awful but I am hating being around him at the moment. I have heard that there are other children in his class going through the same thing and a couple of my friends have said they’re going through it too. But we are 1.5 years in and nothings changing :( I feel like I get abused in my own home. I walk on eggshells around him every day.
He is on the list to be assessed for ADHD. But there is not much I can do by way of medication as he’s not allowed any until he turns 6.
I will say that he’s a very clever boy, very switched on and loves to feel part of a group or community. He is a leader type and very sociable. Very smiley, friendly type of child. He is also very hyper, excitable and busy. In his class he’s popular and has lots of friends.
Right now, however, the personality traits that make him special are manifesting as the need for constant control, possession and attention. He is so quick to fly off the handle and difficult to calm or regulate. Any attempts to show him how to self regulate, he is not interested and will just start screaming so that I can’t hear myself, or continue with more of the said behaviour. This age has genuinely been infinitely harder than terrible two’s.
I’m truly at my wits end and just wondering if anybody else has been through this? In my head, it’s either just a terrible phase, or the beginning of a very difficult road :(