Does the weight of responsibility ease?

[SendHelpandSnacks]

My son is 2 and obviously having a baby and toddler comes with a huge amount of responsibility but it's non stop. The days start early, small tasks like feeding him, getting him dressed, getting out the house comes with struggles and tantrums, every small thing feels like a mountain to climb ("shall we go play outside? Let's put some suncream on"... Leads to screaming fits and tantrums) why? Why make small things so hard?
Planning your day around the nap, waiting for the next tantrum (what will it be over this time? Putting your shoes on?)
It's exhausting and relentless. Feeling responsible for every single minute of his day. Keeping on top of food, snacks, nappy changes, dinners, etc. Not having any time to myself, not feeling happy in my body, I feel like I've lost myself.
I could go on but I guess I'm just wondering if the weight of it all gets better with age? Can we just have reasonable conversations and do fun activities without all the drama?
Can we just get through the day with smiles and cuddles instead of screaming and tears. (It's obviously not this bad every day but it's just toddlerhood)

I love my son and I feel so guilty saying this but I dream of the day he becomes a reasonable adult that won't scream at me for trying to help him out the car.
I just want to enjoy his company without all the chaos.
Can anyone shed any light? Please tell me it gets easier? 🙏🏼
Thank you ❤️

It gets easier at 3 and a half or so, in my experience, as they can do more for themselves and you can reason with them

It does get easier.

Two is a very, very hard age, I randomly remembered how my ds used to want to close our garden gates but couldn’t, leading to a tantrum every time we came home!

It gets lots easier at around three and a half and they usually become quite pleasant (mostly) at four, probably hard to imagine now.

My DD is three next month and I am honestly counting down the days. I do not hold with this ‘you’ll miss these days’ thing!

Thank you @followtheswallow I can't tell you how relieved I am to read this! Mostly because we've recently had sliding doors installed and if we open them, my son likes to close them. If we ask him not to, or open them again, it's a massive meltdown!! Over a door!! This is the sh*t I'm talking about, it's madness 😂
I look forward to the "quite pleasant" part 🙏🏼

The physical stuff eases for sure but the psychological ramps up to top level during the teen years. So much goes on with school (exams), friendships, possible first girlfriend/boyfriend and broken heart, drugs, alcohol, figuring out their lives…hating you, slamming doors, tears, frustrations. All this and while of course you support them you can’t do it for them or ease their pain or smooth the way. They do come out the other end but to answer your question no, you carry that weight until you die.

I spent Friday with just ds because dd goes to nursery on Fridays.

If you had told me three years ago (ds is now five) having a day with ds is a holiday I’d have laughed my head off (without finding it funny) but it is. He gets himself into the car, he listens to his Tonie box on the journey, he can go off and do his own thing (safely, I mean, I don’t just let him go but I can sit at a picnic table while he plays or catch up with a friend at soft play.)

He’s still quite boisterous and talks a lot which can be draining but he is mostly very nice to be around, and as long as he’s kept busy is really easy!

It’s much easier when they are school age. It’s also much easier when you go back to work and have a partner who does their share. I worked 3 long days a week when mine were that age. I left the house before they woke up and only got home as they were going to bed. Dh did the mornings and then they were in nursery/school and then he did dinner and bath and I rocked up to do bedtime.

I got a full day of stimulating conversation with work colleagues and lunch in peace and hot coffee and time to read on the train. And 3 days a week break from doing all the stuff. It meant I had 4 full days still home with them, but the break was wonderful and was just the right sort of balance for quality of life. It no longer felt relentless.

This ^

Yes, the demand to be physically present and doing stuff all the time changes completely. But as PP says, the bigger stuff becomes the thing. My DCs are 20 and 18. Both can obviously manage all their hygiene needs; feed themselves; entertain themselves; drive themselves where they need to go; earn money; organise their time, their belongings and their relationships.

But there is plenty to worry about and the worries feel a bit bigger than the ones I had when they were only little.

I do appreciate the headspace and peace and quiet though. Being a parent to very small children is busy and exhausting; being a mum to adults means I get a lot more time and space for my own interests and relaxation.

But try not to wish the time away. I know it’s hard when it feels like such a slog, but you will look back one day and feel tearful with nostalgia at the thought of snuggling up with a toddler for a cuddle and a story 😭

I agree but I think this is ok. It's not the same as having to entertain and meet every need a human has 24 hours a day, like early motherhood. The emotional needs are easier to cope with when you can sleep through the night, nip to the shop, go for a bath.

The only people who ever say that are people not in it

Yes, there are sweet moments but there’s also a lot of exhaustion. Half term has half killed me, I’m not kidding!

Yes it really does get easier. Around three both of mine got massively more reasonable. By four they were really quite delightful. And no more naps, and no more dragging a baby bag with all the gear!

Could of written this myself, mine is 2.5. Toddlers are absolute savages. I also have a 7 year old so I can confirm it does get easier, around 3.5/4 if I remember correctly

I probably felt very much like you when my children were at the toddler stage. They’re in their thirties now and , for me, I can honestly say they’re what makes life worth living.
It’s a lovely moment sometime when they’re in their thirties when you realise things have shifted and now they’re checking up that you’re okay, rather than the other way round!

Yes. It get's easier and more fun every year.

My only is 14 and I’ve been a lone parent since she was 1. Add autism and teenager also into the mix. No it does not ease. The weight is so heavy year after year and there’s no one else to share it. It’s hard to keep my head above drowning very often. Who knows how she’ll ever be able to cope or process anything by herself. I miss the 2-6 years when I knew exactly what I was doing. Ear splitting meltdowns started at 7. That’s only my experience. It’s probably, hopefully, quite niche. I find it hard to process that she’s still in the same hysterical screaming heightened state she suddenly developed at 7 literally 7 years later. But only alone with me at home. Safe space is a joke at this point.

Thank you @addictedtotheflats @Ohdearnotthisagain @Canoodler @SixtySomething for such positive responses. It's so great to hear that you felt the same during the toddler stage and so reassuring that you felt things got easier and more enjoyable around 3/4 years old 🙏🏼I can't wait for things to get more fun! thank you so much for cheering up a tired mum 🥰

Sorry to hear you have such a difficult time time, particularly as a lone parent @Labibibabibidum . As you say, you’re in a completely different situation to OP.
This is not going to happen to you, @SendHelpandSnacks .