ADHD parents with a newborn: what challenges have you faced?

[WorrierWarrier]

Hi, this is my first thread as a new mum, I hope I get it right!

Are there any ADHD parents caring for a newborn. What are your challenges and how do you overcome them? Does it get easier?

I've found resources on parenting with Adhd but nothing about the challenges of having a new born.

I asked my husband and he said he struggled with remembering which jobs needed doing when and in what order in terms of feeding and changing and naps etc. He said once we established a routine it was a great help.

I didn't realise I had ADHD when my DC was born but the lack of sleep and the hormones made the ADHD challenges that I thought I'd mostly conquered come back.

But it did get better, and more sleep was key to that.

I think getting out of the house and talking to other parents helped.

I would advise, try not to spill all your feelings at once too dramatically because there are others who struggle just as much as us, but also people who don't, and you might feel embarrassed if others don't seem to understand. So build up as you get to know people.

I think my perfectionism and trying to do everything myself led to isolation in various ways, as did COVID. (My DC just started school.)

Good luck - I am sure you are doing really well, and your child is lucky to have you as a parent.

I didn’t struggle with the new born bit, I thrive on novelty and challenge and seeing people and I got all of them with a new born. I struggled when I went back to work as the loneliness and routine was overwhelming.

I found it very difficult that things had to be done in the right order, with no interruptions. For example, before bathing the baby I had to have everything in place, in the right order. If I forgot something, like shampoo or towel, I couldn't just leave the baby there to pick it up.
Multiply that for everything, all day. It was hard. "Normal" people don't get that it is hard, and that's annoying too.
I remember my mum saying "it's not difficult! You just have to do one thing, and then the next and then the next". As if it wasn't exactly my problem.

You’ll do better than many as you thrive on urgency and adrenaline

I didn't know I had it then but it didn't really affect anything. My ADHD is inattentive and I procrastinate things but a baby was one of those things I didn't do that with as the needs were always loud and urgent right away. My oldest was a very difficult baby and cluster fed for hours and would only sleep touching me and this encouraged me to watch a big box set I'd been procrastinating starting for years as it was perfect for watching whilst she fed or napped.

I also have autism and a lot of aspects of parenting became special interests which helped me not procrastinate them. However parenting has been very challenging for me with regards to my autism with unexpected routine changes and socialising with other parents.

Thank you for all your advice and thoughts.... I'm a little better with organisation as I've learnt how to cope through the years but I'm finding the sleep deprivation is amplifying other Adhd traits.... I think I will cope better when looking forward to what's to come and knowing that it will change one day.....

My husband has ADHD and we quickly learned he could not cope with the broken sleep. It just amplified all his traits and made him a shell of himself. I ended up doing all the wake ups after my DS was a few weeks old after we seen how badly he was affected and with my DD I done them all from day 1

I found adhd great for being a parent. but terrible for trying to go back to work and function in other areas of life with sleep deprivation and hormone shifts - like others have said it really amplified the adhd.

I can’t lie, it was extremely difficult.
(Audhd).
I gave my absolute all to my child in terms of making sure they had eaten, had their nappy changed and were safe.
Doing these things to a very normal extent meant that most of the time I forgot to eat drink or wash myself much of the time.

I didn’t have a diagnosis and I didn’t know why everyone else seemed to be able to look after themselves and a baby.

I have found this too but and my husband did more at night and afternoon which has made it much better. However he's back to work next week so I'm a little scared!