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Parenting

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Nursery pick up drama - am I unreasonable for expecting partner to do it?

11 replies

PockerMaus · 01/06/2026 18:25

This probably seems like a minor issue but my partner has flipped out and I'm not sure if I've acted unreasonably?

We have an 11m old who goes to nursery, I work shifts so a mix of days and nights. My partner works mon-fri days. So we normally work it that he does nursery drop off on my day shifts and I do pick up and then vice versa when I'm on a night shift.

Today I was on a day shift but he had taken the day off and was at home. He dropped our son off at nursery as we had already paid for the session. I assumed that because he wasn't working that he would do pick up as well as on the days I don't work I do drop off/pick up as it's always a bit of a rush for either of us as the nursery shuts at half 5 and we both work about 45 mins from it. I messaged him when I finished to say I assume you're doing pick up and he said ok yeah fine.

When I got back he was actually still home and rushing about as he was going out this eve so I said do you want me to go and he said no and rushed out.

He got caught in traffic and ended up being 20 mins late at the nursery and then late for his evening thing.

He messaged me whilst out raging saying he doesn't every do pick ups and 'i knew what I was doing asking him to do it so he would be late'. He storms home, drops our son in and then storms back out. He then called me to explain further how I had been unreasonable by assuming he would do pick up just because he's off even though he had evening plans?

I don't even know if this all sounds ridiculous I just feel very confused what I have done wrong but maybe I am missing something?

OP posts:
TY78910 · 01/06/2026 18:30

I can see both sides of this. You have a regular arrangement and both of you worked on assumptions rather than talking about it beforehand. He probably had his day laid out and that changed last minute which meant he was rushing - result he was late. You wanted him to take the weight off as he was home. He’s now flustered hence the reaction. If you spoke about it then he would have agreed to pick him up but laid out his day differently.

Pearlstillsinging · 01/06/2026 18:31

YANBU. He could and should have set off earlier to pick up your child. Or he could have said he wouldn't ha time as he was going out when you asked him to.pick DC up.

roseymoira · 01/06/2026 18:33

He should have planned to do pick up as you do when you’re off, and set off earlier for it.

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pinksheetss · 01/06/2026 18:34

You are both unreasonable for not discussing it earlier in the day and making a plan.
I’d be annoyed also if I was asked later in the day. Was he off work for a particular reason for his plans later tonight?

He could have absolutely done pick up, but I think you both need to have planned this earlier so both aware of who is doing what

PockerMaus · 01/06/2026 18:36

pinksheetss · 01/06/2026 18:34

You are both unreasonable for not discussing it earlier in the day and making a plan.
I’d be annoyed also if I was asked later in the day. Was he off work for a particular reason for his plans later tonight?

He could have absolutely done pick up, but I think you both need to have planned this earlier so both aware of who is doing what

Hmm true but he could have said no when I messaged and/or when I asked when I got back 🤔

Oh and no, he booked the day off because I took him on a cruise over the weekend to Paris so he booked it off just incase we got back late

OP posts:
PockerMaus · 01/06/2026 18:37

TY78910 · 01/06/2026 18:30

I can see both sides of this. You have a regular arrangement and both of you worked on assumptions rather than talking about it beforehand. He probably had his day laid out and that changed last minute which meant he was rushing - result he was late. You wanted him to take the weight off as he was home. He’s now flustered hence the reaction. If you spoke about it then he would have agreed to pick him up but laid out his day differently.

Communication is always key I suppose! However, I would always think that if you're not working, you do the pick ups/drop offs to avoid the other person rushing around. But maybe that's just me 😅

OP posts:
PockerMaus · 01/06/2026 18:41

roseymoira · 01/06/2026 18:33

He should have planned to do pick up as you do when you’re off, and set off earlier for it.

My thoughts exactly!! I wouldn't let him rush back from work if I'm just sat around the house? Seems like not everyone agrees though!

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WhereIsMyLight · 01/06/2026 18:41

Well you need to organise these things before the actual day because he could have been doing something that had him out at pick up time. However, if he’s off work and not doing something until the evening, there’s no reason he couldn’t have picked up your son by getting himself ready earlier. Even if he was off for a specific reason like the boiler getting fixed, he could have picked up your son earlier or if the fixing of the boiler overran, he texts you last minute to pick your son up.

PockerMaus · 01/06/2026 18:42

Pearlstillsinging · 01/06/2026 18:31

YANBU. He could and should have set off earlier to pick up your child. Or he could have said he wouldn't ha time as he was going out when you asked him to.pick DC up.

Yeah exactly. To not say no at the time and then say no again when I offered when I got back (I was back earlier than usual, the roads were strangely quiet). But then to have a go at me after seems unfair.

OP posts:
StormGazing · 01/06/2026 18:44

It’s just lack of communication. Both apologise and be clear in future … I absolutely hated Nursery drop/pick

PockerMaus · 01/06/2026 18:45

StormGazing · 01/06/2026 18:44

It’s just lack of communication. Both apologise and be clear in future … I absolutely hated Nursery drop/pick

Haha it really is. I think it's more of his reaction that's upset me.

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