How do I help my child learn

[cheeseforlife]

youngest of 3 (7 in a couple of weeks) is just so opposed to learning, and is so behind in everything at school it really makes me sad.

He is just so reluctant to ‘learn’, point blank refuses to do his homework, or use any of the apps the school have provided. It’s the same routine, tell him it’s homework time, queue arguments, and then the whole atmosphere is ruined. This is the same regardless of my approach. The other 2 are quite independent, and don’t really need help, they are told to do their homework, and it’s done, no questions asked.

On the odd occasion he wants to do it, he is so chuffed with himself, so I KNOW he can do it, but just doesn’t want to!! He has come home with his school report, and he is behind in everything, absolutely everything. He can just about spell his name, although he will tell you he can’t!

There is no recognised SEN, although I suspect he’s a little bit different, but this isn’t anything I’ve pursued, purely because he is very well functioning, and on the whole OK. The school have provided him with a little bit of support (one on one assistance in class but not all the time). His teachers just seem to say he’s behind and leave it at that- no other help, no suggestions, it’s as if they just accept it and that’s that?! He has had problems with his eyesight, where he has had glasses all his life, and has recently had strabismus surgery. He always wears his glasses, and has hospital sight checks every 6 months so we can rule out not being able to see.

HOW can I help him? What can I do for him?

I would seriously consider a WISC cognitive assessment so you can find out how he learns

I’ve never heard of this- am just doing some research thank you

Honestly, bribery. And fun.

My ds was resistant to maths until I turned it into Smartie maths. Do short bouts of homework - one question, get it right and win a swim at the weekend or an extra 10 minutes doing something special. Paise every effort, whether they get things right or not.
Make things as fun as possible. Try to link their learning to real life. Read the flavours of ice cream when in town or make up a funny rhyme using their new words.

It is all aspects of learning - reading /writing or is he willing to learn on a tablet ( if ever been offered ? )

I'm not suggesting offering him a tablet - I'm asking as My DS was hugely opposed to learning but thrilled when he got somthing right. Behind in lots of things too. Always struggled with writing but gets the answers right on a tablet.

School were really helpful as the years went by and it became more obvious there was an issue. Last year he was referred to an OT,

along with an array of issues one was that he's hypermobile in his fingertips, so holding pens / writing / cutlery ect was really painful/ difficult for him

Another is a visual processing disorder so his brain can't copy things as easily as you or I,

He found it so difficult and couldn't put it into words why - try explaining how you can't copy somthing right infront of you 😭

He's 9 now and since the OT assessment he's come on in leaps and bounds. He wrote me a card at Christmas and I couldn't understand a word he wrote. He wrote me one for mothers day and I could read every word

I'd always known somthing wasn't quite right with him, I'd just never been able to put my finger on it

This is really helpful, thank you.
I’ve done the usual stuff, bribery, learning as we go in everyday life - that he gets on board with as he doesn’t ‘realise’ it. one issue I have found is his sibling is a ‘know it all’ and often jumps in and answers for him, or mocks him for not knowing things (this is a separate issue that I’m dealing with!)
He does seem to have issues with fine motor skills- but not all the time, builds Lego like he’s being paid per block, can pick a moving ant up off the floor!! But struggles with a pen, he is ambidextrous, so hasn’t favoured a particular hand, so both are quite weak instead of having a strong one.

It is all aspects- maths is where he’s getting a bit more support at school, and they have said he’s coming on so much, and has improved, but is still very behind. Perhaps I get them to teach me the way they teach so I’m consistent?
I have found that the ways of learning has changed so much since I was a child, that they aren’t taught the way I was, therefore I’m teaching in a completely different way to at school.

That is so lovely that your boy has made such progression with his writing, I would have sobbed reading the Mother’s Day card! Well done you!

I don't blame him. The concept of a not yet 7 year old having formal homework seems a bit daft and unlikely to help foster a love of formal learning.

My youngest wasn't much into the homework set at primary school. I didn't push it, I wouldn't have been very happy to be forced to spend time with a reading scheme book, either as a kid or as a parent.

We were absolutely happy to support our children's learning - we read loads and loads of far more interesting books and stories with our kids, had conversations with them about what we're read, played board games and card games and discussed strategies, listened to podcasts and audiobooks, played with tessellating shapes and solids, classified things we'd found on a nature walk, made simple graphs, did junk modelling, painting, baking, and so on. Occasionally, we got Numicon out.

A good few years on, they're both excellent students and they read for pleasure daily. Clearly this is a small sample size and I'm not going to draw any conclusions about cause and effect. I'm just feeling a bit sad for all six year olds who are expected to spend time in their evenings doing homework on an app, and for all the parents who are battling their child's entirely rational response to this expectation.