Tonight I think I have reached my breaking point.
I got up at 6.30 after a very disturbed night with my LO (13 months). I had to get up at this time so I could go swimming. I do cold water swimming as a form of anxiety management. Unfortunately, if I go later in the morning then LO is awake and then I get grief from DH when I return. He doesn't berate me for going but he's so unpleasant about LOnes antics that I end up feeling guilty and anxious so the whole thing feels pointless. So I go early so I can be back either before LO stirs or at least before DH can even get him downstairs. Usually even if he wakes, DH leaves him playing in the crib until I get home to get him out.
Today, I get back by 8. LO is still fast asleep (it was a disturbed night). So is DH. I have a hot shower and then slide back into bed to warm up. Unfortunately LO chooses this minute to wake up. I look hopefully across at DH to see if he will get up. Still dead to the world. I get up to deal with LO.
LO has pooped through his nappy and into his pjs. I wake DH and ask him to help me clean LO up. After much grumbling, he finally gets up to help. All's well and we work together to get it done although I have to ask for every single little thing. At one point I leave the bathroom to deal with the soiled bedding. When I return, DH hasn't even commenced washing LO 'because I haven't asked'.
We make it downstairs for breakfast. I feed LO and then give him a rusk to chew on so I can make myself some toast. Husband lumps around in his pjs, making coffee and toast for himself. When LO is finished, I ask DH to get him out of the highchair because I am now elbow deep in pooey water from rinsing the bed sheets and pjs. DH does this but does not clean LOs hands or face or the highchair/surrounding floor. By the time I realise, there are handprints of rusk, fruit and porridge all around the kitchen. Again DH says it's 'because I didn't ask'.
DH lumps around in his pjs until 10.30, complaining that he doesn't have very long to do what he wants today as it is tide specific (a very obscure hobby). I finally persuade him to just get dressed and get out to make the most of the time he does have. He finally gets his gear together and leaves by 11.30. To make it clear, I am the one who encourages him to go and do his hobbies. If I don't, he is awful and has no patience at all with LO. He also moans about not having time to himself. I think it makes him a much better parent and that's okay with me.
LO and I get on with our day. We go out with friends. It's honestly lovely to see everyone although I spend the whole time following LO around and stopping him from hurting himself/breaking other people's things. A house belonging to someone without a toddler is a very stressful environment when you have a 13 month old! It's lovely but also not relaxing in the slightest. I look enviously at my friends who have left their LOnes with their partners and come child free.
When we get home. I feed LO his dinner. DH arrives home right before I start the bedtime routine. DH is grumpy from his day not going to plan (his hobby wasn't working today) so is incredibly intolerant of LOnes antics. I was rejoicing having an extra pair of hands for bedtime with a tired boy. I swiftly realise that I would've been better off on my own. DH is very grumpy with LO who by now is overstimulated and tired. DH criticises a lot and moans when I ask for help. In the end I do it all myself whilst he talks about how he just wants to sit down after a day out but has to deal with 'this' (meaning LO) instead. LO goes to bed and I kiss him goodnight. Then I go and tidy the house and then the bathroom. Then I sit on the toilet and type this wondering how someone can be so clueless and make so little effort and how I ever found them attractive.
I don't even know why I wrote this or what I want to get back from it. Thanks for reading.