Ex did not tell me his partner had already moved in

[ZingyBalonz]

My ex had told me his new partner was moving in with him and my 5yr old DD (we are 50/50) and I was fine with that (not met the GF yet as have had a LOT of traumatic events in the last two years and it not the right time) my Mum recently passed away, about two months ago and I picked up DD from school last Monday and was told the GF had already moved in and he hadn’t told me. I’m furious. I don’t know how long she’s been there for but his response was ‘Well now you know’

Ok this is unhinged and so unhealthy for the child. I would never dream of having another person live with our child and act as though it’s none of his business. But as I said, I guess we have different values.

But he did tell you…

Do you mean you wanted the exact date?

That’s the point - we are not on the same page. Something major in her life happened and I was the last to know. I’m truly astonished at the lack of communication and that people actually support this.

'The last to know'. Well, given there's only 4 of you involved & you're the only one not living there, who do you think should have been 'the last to know'??

& stop banging on about 'values' as though your opinion is the only correct one. It's your opinion, that's all.

you over reacting will do your DD more harm than your Ex's girlfriend moving in. He's an Ex, I think that's what you're struggling with, hus gf moving in with him.

Well he told you before it happened so presumably you knew before your daughter that this partner was moving in.

The only thing he didn't do was tell you the exact date it was happening which is fine because frankly it's none of your business.

Maybe he didn’t tell you as it happened when you lost your DM? He perhaps didn’t think appropriate to raise it then given your loss. It could be that his new partner had to move in at set time due to any number of things such as giving notice on a rental or other commitments. All that matters is that your DC is happy with the arrangement and is loved and supported - perhaps this move has enabled her to process her grief at losing her grandmother and seeing you upset. Concentrate on getting past this for all your sakes.

I found out it had already happened from my child, and who knows how long it had been but that’s massively inappropriate - and not fair on DD. She should not be a conduit.

Why is inappropriate that she told you the women you knew was moving in with your ex had moved in with your ex...

You're honestly coming across as if you're still interested in him or think he should not move on.

But why is it inappropriate, you knew they were in a serious relationship and you knew she was moving in, what’s the big deal.

is this really about uour feelings of his relationship progressing? Are you single or not in a similarly serious relationship?

But you were told she was moving in, you knew they were in a serious relationship, all that’s missing is timing, it does feel like there is something else behind this, jealousy?

Had he said in conversation ' oh Jane moved in on Friday' what would you have done or said?

So he told you “Megan is moving in” then your DD tells you “Megan has moved in “. I can’t see where the drama is?

Yes. That's what I think too

A conduit, 🙄

you're really making a mountain out of this wee molehill. You knew she was moving in, she's moved in. Your daughter knowing that & mentioning it to you is no big deal. If you were still hoping you'd get back together, it's not looking likely (not right now anyway) & for-your own sake (& DD!s you need to move on.

she's Daddy's girlfriend, she's not replavjnb you 💕

as another poster has said, if she moved jn around the engine if your mum dying, he probably thought it wasn't a good time total about it & he'd already told you she was moving jn.

DD is obviously coping just fine with it.

Come on he doesn’t have to announce it . He was polite enough to let you know she was moving it . Stop making an issue out of this as your child will pick up on it and get resentful.

They don't need each others permission but it's ridiculous to say it's nine of their business. Surely knowing where your kid is living and with whom is fairly basic expectations of health co-prenting. Op didn't need to meet her or approve but at least let her know peopel are moving into her kids home

He told her she was moving in. She knew prior to it happening that this person would be living with her ex. What more information does the poor bloke need to share?

Your ex’s girlfriend was already in your DD’s life. What difference does it make that she has moved in? You should have asked to meet her when things got serious. I would like to know who my kids spend time with, especially at that age.

It really doesn’t matter if you’re fine with it or not. It makes no difference.

I don’t think people are supporting dad or saying he’s gone about things in a collaborative way. But many of us have learned that when it comes to coparenting with someone you’ve actively split from (usually due to having different values or abuse) there is no point in getting upset about them acting in a way that isn’t caring or thoughtful towards you, you’re in for a long life of upset if you do. Most of us have the legal framework of what a court would expect consultation on (not much - where they go to school, vital medical decisions, name, religion, going abroad) and everything else you have to have a “let them” attitude, just as they have to with you. It’s more peaceful. Otherwise you could be starting a new thread every week ‘I can’t believe they had. Takeaway two nights in a row! I can’t believe her screen time was three hours on dad’s weekend! I can’t believe he didn’t take her to her friends party!’ Etc etc etc

I’d hazard a guess the girlfriend already stayed over when the child was there, so this is likely very little difference to her. So as much as yes it’s good to know, she already knew he was in a committed relationship, already knew she was moving in, and likely stayed over when the child was there and helped care for her. This isn’t a big deal so the question is why is the op making it one. And going on about helping her kid through life changes, it’s a nuance, no more.

He absolutely does owe an explanation if he brings stranger to live in the house where OP’s little DD lives.

What explanation is she owed? They are no longer a couple. He's told her this women who he has been with for a while would be moving in and now as expected she is living in the house.

I will never understand why some posters create alternative narratives to make a situation seem more dramatic than necessary? She's not a stranger if she's been around for at least two years and her child is not little. She's 5 and her parents have been apart for potentially more than half her life.