Any other introverted new mums finding maternity leave socialising draining?

[Introvertedmama]

Name changed in case this is too outing! Are there any other new mums who class themselves as introverts and are finding the constant socialising on maternity leave so draining? My normal job allows me to quietly get on with my work all day, concentrating at a computer mostly WFH. Whilst I am loving being with my baby on maternity leave I am feeling so utterly drained by the constant expectation of meet ups. Every week I do two baby classes, and usually meet one of my various friends for a coffee. Prior to having my baby I would see my in-laws once a month maybe. Now they are expecting us round for lunch or dinner at the weekend more often, and want me to come over to their house alone for weekly meet ups whilst my partner is at work. All that happens at these meet ups is they take my baby off me, and I have to make conversation for hours just wishing to have my baby back in my arms. Whilst they are nice people I am just counting the hours until I can leave and I would never choose to do so much socialising with them.

My MIL will text and ask when I can next come as soon as I have left, and inform me that her friend or relative who I barely know wants to see my daughter. My own family I would see once or twice a month usually and that has remained the same, we are a family who are quite boundaried I would say and they don’t push me to visit more than I’m comfortable with.

Then there are new mum friends from NCT arranging things which I feel obligated to attend so as to not miss out on the connections. So that could be another day of the week taken up. I also feel there’s always an appointment for the baby or me to attend to now which again is draining but obviously necessary. When I imagined maternity leave it was always just me and my baby chilling at home and the reality is so tiring and I feel my experience is being stolen from me. I’m only a couple of months in so wondering if anyone has any advice for ways I can feel sane and manage my time to suit me more for the remainder of my year off.

You don’t need to be doing the majority of those things if you are not enjoying them. Baby classes are only for you, babies don’t give a shit so if they are draining you just stop going. Likewise the inlaws, just tell them you are busy. Medical appointments usually ease off after the first few months too. You can definitely find a balance of how much socialising works for you.

I’m only my 2nd mat leave and only have 3 days alone with my baby while my guest is at nursery and I am really savouring that quiet time this time round. I’m not doing any classes and no NCT group this time.

Stop doing the things you don't want to do. You're the only one who needs to decide who you see and when. Tell in laws you're busy, see friends as and when you want to and don't go to baby groups if you don't want to. All baby needs at the moment is you. Chill out at home together and enjoy it!

Your time is yours - make some excuses/tell little white lies.
Maybe try and have a rest/do some jobs when the in-laws are round so that it feels a bit more productive.
As someone else has mentioned the appointments die down after a bit.
Groups and NCT are great but maybe its all a bit much and a bit too soon.
Take it easy and be kind to yourself - time is precious and you need to spend it wisely xx

You are choosing most of these. You don’t need to take classes and restrict meet ups to an interval you can cope with

This is almost all on you, just don't go.

Ask your in laws to come and visit at your house instead... Then when they’re holding the baby at least you can pop in and out of the room and do a few house jobs in between chatting. It’s less intense than sitting in someone else’s house having to talk constantly.

You don’t need to do any of these things unless you want to

Thanks for the advice everyone, perhaps I need to consider cutting a lot out. I guess normally my socialising is so spaced out I can cope with it and now people know I’m ’available’ every day there’s an expectation to say yes.

I didn’t make any mum friends on maternity leave and didn’t really talk to anyone at baby groups (we didn’t do NCT or anything like that). I decided that I had enough friends and didn’t really want any new ones. My favourite baby activities were things that I did solo, like going to museums or galleries. Doesn’t help with family expectations but luckily on my side at least, my family were quite good at only coming for short visits (2 hours max). I never saw my DH’s family solo. We’ve been together 15+ years and they still don’t have my mobile number.

You don’t need to do any of those things. The mum meet ups are for your benefit not the baby’s. They’ll make friends at nursery etc all in good time.

if you want to spend a day watching box sets then fgs do it!!! You will never have your first mat leave again. It’s precious. Subsequent ones will be arranged around nursery / school pick ups etc. Make the most of your freedom now

Just say no.
You don't have to keep meeting up with people.
Especially with keep going to your in laws without your husband. If they came to you then you could have a quick chat, then clean the house etc. They could come in handy, as they only really want to see baby. I would not be going over so their mates can take turns seeing your baby though. She's not a doll to be passed around.

How old is your baby? Any younger than 4 months and dick off the baby classes!

I was very much like you but in reality the baby didn’t get aaaaaanything out of it until probably 6 months

I am an introverted mom and I'm loving maternity leave because I am not having to socialise more than I want to. My baby is 9m.

I go to 1 baby class a week (my baby loves it) but I don't stay long after class - but we only started going at 6 months. My husband takes our baby to see his family (sometimes I join him but otherwise I stay home and do jobs or sleep). Sometimes my MIL will come over and we chat but I also do some jobs while she's here. Sometimes I go over to PILs alone but it's not an obligation so I enjoy it.

You can choose not to meet for coffee with friends as often. The appointments will slow down a lot now.

This is your maternity leave, don't let anyone tell you how to spend it. You'll never be this free again really because even if you have another child (and another mat leave), you'll have to take your older child to school, nursery etc and be on a schedule. Enjoy it :)

The classes are more for mums rather than babies. I would have hated staying in all day but that’s who I am. If you prefer chilling at home then go for it.

I’m in the opposite camp, I’m afraid. If you have chosen to have a child, you have chosen a more sociable life, whether you like it or not. That’s not to say you have to do everything but I think it’s unrealistic to think you won’t be socialising a lot more than you did before you became a mum. I worry that you are cutting off a lot of valuable experiences for your child if you limit social activity and family time massively.

Get your in laws to come to you and have
a nap or catch up on stuff or tasks.
I did baby classes and NCT and god the day would go so slowly without that stuff. Especially when it gets to winter and you can’t be outside so much. It can be so boring. It’s really worth making friends!

I’m a FTM and also an introvert. my baby is 3 months old and I have 3 days in the week where my DH is at work so one of those days I’m with my friends, another day I see my parents and the last day I’m at home with the baby and trying to get chores done if I can. I’ve chosen not to do any baby classes simply because I don’t have the time and also because I’d much prefer to see my friends who are mums. My MIL is less overbearing than yours and I also don’t live in the same county as them either so it’s easier for me to distant myself, when I do see them I'm usually with DH so I leave it with him to arrange meet ups, if it doesn’t happen my MIL knows it’s all down to DH. I think you just need to say no to what you don’t want to do. Before you know it you’ll be back to work (if you do go back) and you’d wish you’d spent more time with the baby and less on pleasing people, but by then it’ll be too late.

Why are you doing all these things if you don’t enjoy them? I’ve known my MIL for 18 years. We’ve literally never met up just the two of us. Have your ILs come at the weekend and they can go have a walk with the baby and Dh and you can have a nap. I definitely don’t want to hang out with my MIL. She’s really boring! I did do the occasional class and I had an NCT group and we might meet once a month. But I enjoy my own company. I don’t need to make small talk with people. I even went off travelling solo with my youngest during maternity leave, just me and him. It was great.

But OP’s baby is a couple of months old, still in the (adorable) potato phase. They will get as much out of a cardboard box and a bit of tinfoil on the sitting room floor as they will a baby class and a coffee with the NCT mums.

True at the moment but I just want to point out that when you choose to have a child, you open yourself up to a lot more socialising whether you want it or not.